Awkward situation at work

[BluesandReds]

I'm good friends with my boss. She's the top boss - I'm just a minion, several rungs below. We have a lot in common and share a hobby so we see each other socially and are in touch most days.

We seem to have this rule that neither of us have ever really stated to each other, but we both adhere to - we never discuss work. We never talk about colleagues, and if there's anything work related like holidays, changing a shift, then I go through the right channels; there's I suspect this is partly why our friendship works.

A colleague who is the same 'rank' as me is after a promotion, I'm quite close to her as a friend too, and I think a lot of her. But she has asked me to put in a good word for her, which I can't do. I've tried explaining to her that the boss and I never discuss work and I wouldn't dream of getting involved but she's being adamant.

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner.

I'm getting a bit annoyed now that she's not listening - what can I say/do?

I wouldn’t respond any more. You’ve said your piece. Leave it at that.

I know. I’ve read OPs posts. Just rinse and repeat. 🤷‍♀️ It’s what I’d do. Get a little more curt each time. She’ll either back off or not. If she doesn’t then there will be a fairly damaging paper trail.

Good idea. Has colleague even asked for a promotion?

I agree with the majority and wouldn’t reply to the message.

I’d also gently move away from your friend (not the boss one). She’s sounds like a demanding mare.

'Friend, what you're asking me to do could lead to accusations of favouritism and it being suggested that you got the job not on your own merit. I've already said I'm not going to do this. Please stop asking'

THIS.
@BluesandReds Do not get involved.

She text: "It's not a big deal, just say a good word about me, tell (Boss) that you would prefer me to get role, no drama is it."

Yes, I half expected this

Best totally ignored really, and when she asks in person if you've "done it yet" tell her you don't want to discuss it

Maybe say why do you keep pressuring me on this it's really upsetting me

Cor, she is a toughie

I think the above is clear and very firm, which is what’s needed, but as she is a friend, I would add these 2 lines at the end:

My fingers are very much crossed for you. Have a great Christmas and see you in the New Year

No more communications after this

I wouldn’t want her to get the promotion after all the grief she’s giving you. It doesn’t bode well does it.

If she persists you could go down the road of...

'Friend, at this point even if I did talk to boss about you it would be to tell them you're trying to gain an unfair advantage over others by pressuring me to put a word in'

No don’t do this. This makes it emotional, it needs to be a straight forward principle.

Hold onto your values. Me and a close friend ended up working at the same place in management positions. We did the same as you. Lots of people didn't believe us, more a reflection on them than us!

Just tell her straight and stop skirting around the issue

"You're not listening. I already told you i can't".

I like this. Simple and to the point. As others have said she has the hide of a rhino. I'd be really pissed off in your position.

I am really cross for you @BluesandReds ! Your non-boss friend is a dick. There is no win in this situation now I’m afraid. You can either ignore her or text back saying basically I’ve already said no, either way she will be pissed off which will be awks at work. Well done for maintaining your friendship with boss friend, tricky dynamic and it reflects very well on you both that you are making it work. Good luck 💐

I agree. You colleague really is out of line here.

One of my best friends was my boss before she became my friend.

we didn’t discuss work and lots of colleagues didn’t believe that we didn’t discuss work. She left and I still worked there for a few years before I left.

id message one final message saying. “This conversation is closed, gain the promotion on your own merit! “

She’s not your friend. Asking is one thing. Going on and using emotional blackmail proves it. Just ignore her.

Firstly, she's not a friend

If she was a friend she wouldn't be harassing you

Secondly, I like the way she's put it all on you. If she doesn't get the job it will be your fault

Let's overlook her own shortcomings and blame you

You need to be firm with her and keep repeating your stance. If she falls out with you then so be it

I'm normally all for being kind but at this point I think I'd either ignore the message or just reply with "no".

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner

That is a really unfair thing for her to say, because even if you did go gushing to your boss about how wonderful your colleague is in every single way, the decision is ultimately nothing to do with you, and I highly doubt your opinion is going to be the main factor in swaying the result.

Anyway, I'd be tempted to just lie and say you subtly mentioned her and how good she was at her job to your boss, just to get her off your back, and then don't entertain any further discussion on the subject.

Just ignore. Any further messages then I'd block her

You could say that since you never discuss work and never ask for favours, even for yourself, then suddenly bringing it up with boss will make it very obvious that she has leaned on you to put a good word in the promotion. Which won't help her cause at all, given what you know about friend boss, she would be likely to think you were being sneaky.

Don't play the friendship angle as she firstly doesn't give a crap about your life.

Ignore. Go grey rock.