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Original poster

Awkward situation at work

366 replies

BluesandReds · 19/12/2022 18:14

I'm good friends with my boss. She's the top boss - I'm just a minion, several rungs below. We have a lot in common and share a hobby so we see each other socially and are in touch most days.

We seem to have this rule that neither of us have ever really stated to each other, but we both adhere to - we never discuss work. We never talk about colleagues, and if there's anything work related like holidays, changing a shift, then I go through the right channels; there's I suspect this is partly why our friendship works.

A colleague who is the same 'rank' as me is after a promotion, I'm quite close to her as a friend too, and I think a lot of her. But she has asked me to put in a good word for her, which I can't do. I've tried explaining to her that the boss and I never discuss work and I wouldn't dream of getting involved but she's being adamant.

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner.

I'm getting a bit annoyed now that she's not listening - what can I say/do?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/12/2022 19:30

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner

This is the bit I'd really resent, in that she's lining you up as an excuse if she doesn't get the job. Even if you did put in a word it may still be deemed "not enough", so maybe she's just not as good as she thinks she is?

Either way this isn't how friends behave, so I'd have to shut it down with a "Sorry if you don't believe me but that's how it is"

Original poster
BluesandReds · 19/12/2022 19:36

You lot are ace. I've sent this:

'As you know, I absolutely support you and think you really deserve the promotion. I won't be discussing it with (Boss) as I explained, we don't talk about anything work related whatsoever and it's just not my place. Best of luck, I'm crossing everything for you. How are the Christmas preperations going?'

@Calmdown14 I've gone with the shit sandwich!

To answer - I honestly don't know if she'll get it as I know my boss values accuracy and she's made a few mistakes recently. Yes, she would then be above me if she did get it but I've got no problem with that at all, she's generally positive to work with!

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/12/2022 19:41

Excelllent message, OP, not least because you'll soon know how far she's prepared to push this

Fingers crossed that she gets the message though

Wonnle · 19/12/2022 19:43

No and don't take the piss simples

neverbeenskiing · 19/12/2022 19:44

I would be tempted to tell your Boss the truth, that she has repeatedly asked you to "put in a good word", and that you've explained why that's not appropriate but she is continuing to pester you and it is starting to make you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't do this to punish her or to be unkind, but because her behaviour betrays a lack of professionalism and a lack of respect for colleagues boundaries that could have real consequences for the team and the organisation if she is promoted to a senior role.

Original poster
BluesandReds · 19/12/2022 19:46

If you had the power to talk your friends into senior roles, why wouldn't you have bagged a promotion for yourself on this basis?

This might be the only complication - I have been offered the promotion myself but turned it down as I'm 100% happy in my minion role (means I can keep my part time hours, much less stress and I leave work at the door). This was before the boss and I became friends, this is also why our friendship works I think as she knows I have no agenda at all.

OP posts:
Greengagesnfennel · 19/12/2022 21:23

I thought Calmdown14's shit sandwich advice was the best too op.

Best of luck.
I think that was a good response to send.

PhillySub · 19/12/2022 21:52

She isn't your friend, she is a user.

MajesticWhine · 19/12/2022 21:56

Good message OP

Cosmos123 · 19/12/2022 22:01

BluesandReds · 19/12/2022 18:14

I'm good friends with my boss. She's the top boss - I'm just a minion, several rungs below. We have a lot in common and share a hobby so we see each other socially and are in touch most days.

We seem to have this rule that neither of us have ever really stated to each other, but we both adhere to - we never discuss work. We never talk about colleagues, and if there's anything work related like holidays, changing a shift, then I go through the right channels; there's I suspect this is partly why our friendship works.

A colleague who is the same 'rank' as me is after a promotion, I'm quite close to her as a friend too, and I think a lot of her. But she has asked me to put in a good word for her, which I can't do. I've tried explaining to her that the boss and I never discuss work and I wouldn't dream of getting involved but she's being adamant.

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner.

I'm getting a bit annoyed now that she's not listening - what can I say/do?

What a user.

Tell her f off.

Can't get promoted on the back of someone else. do it on your own merit.
Don't they have an equal opportunity policy. Send it to her.

Original poster
BluesandReds · 20/12/2022 07:13

Thought I'd update as my colleague has replied, late yesterday evening but have only just read it.

She text: "It's not a big deal, just say a good word about me, tell (Boss) that you would prefer me to get role, no drama is it."

Feeling quite pressured now, uncomfortably so.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 20/12/2022 07:20

I wouldn’t even reply to that message. Just ignore it, there’s nothing to say

RedHelenB · 20/12/2022 07:28

BluesandReds · 20/12/2022 07:13

Thought I'd update as my colleague has replied, late yesterday evening but have only just read it.

She text: "It's not a big deal, just say a good word about me, tell (Boss) that you would prefer me to get role, no drama is it."

Feeling quite pressured now, uncomfortably so.

Just ignore from now on. I hope she doesn't get the job, think she might resent you for not helping her out if she becomes your boss.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 20/12/2022 07:32

Hide of a rhino!

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/12/2022 07:35

She's not listening so I'd now send this

"I need to be very clear about this and then I won't respond again. My friendship with X is entirely separate from work so I won't be discussing your application. Please don't make things awkward by pushing this"

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/12/2022 07:36

Or just "I've said no and explained why. Please don't make things awkward by pushing this"

PeaceJoySleep · 20/12/2022 07:36

I'd ignore that 2nd message. Sounds like she's written herself off already and needs a reason to save face. The reason will be it looked bad that her own friend couldn't say one good word in her favour.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 20/12/2022 07:37

What a pushy bitch. Honestly just repeat what you have said and tell her that pushiness itself is not what would be wanted of someone in a higher position.

Amandasummers · 20/12/2022 07:38

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 19/12/2022 18:16

Tell her that, if anything, it would damage her chances to appear to want to sidestep normal hiring protocol.

This!

MagentaRocks · 20/12/2022 07:38

I would tell her if she keeps pushing it you will speak to the boss but to tell her you are being pressured into putting a good word in for her. This behaviour is not that of someone deserving of a promotion.

Fuckitydoodah · 20/12/2022 07:40

I'd stop responding to her messages and if they're on WhatsApp leave them unopened. She's being unreasonable now and hopefully when it's over she'll realise that.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/12/2022 07:40

I'd just ignore her now.

ElegantlyTouched · 20/12/2022 07:42

Do you have an hr department? If so I'd be tempted to talk to them.

BatshitBanshee · 20/12/2022 07:43

BluesandReds · 20/12/2022 07:13

Thought I'd update as my colleague has replied, late yesterday evening but have only just read it.

She text: "It's not a big deal, just say a good word about me, tell (Boss) that you would prefer me to get role, no drama is it."

Feeling quite pressured now, uncomfortably so.

I'd just stop engaging with her, she's not a friend and seems quite hellbent on putting herself ahead of what you're comfortable with.

Hunkydory99 · 20/12/2022 07:48

I’d just send this but of your message again . ‘I won't be discussing it with (Boss) as I explained, we don't talk about anything work related whatsoever and it's just not my place.’
and keep sending the same response.

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