Awkward situation at work

[BluesandReds]

I'm good friends with my boss. She's the top boss - I'm just a minion, several rungs below. We have a lot in common and share a hobby so we see each other socially and are in touch most days.

We seem to have this rule that neither of us have ever really stated to each other, but we both adhere to - we never discuss work. We never talk about colleagues, and if there's anything work related like holidays, changing a shift, then I go through the right channels; there's I suspect this is partly why our friendship works.

A colleague who is the same 'rank' as me is after a promotion, I'm quite close to her as a friend too, and I think a lot of her. But she has asked me to put in a good word for her, which I can't do. I've tried explaining to her that the boss and I never discuss work and I wouldn't dream of getting involved but she's being adamant.

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner.

I'm getting a bit annoyed now that she's not listening - what can I say/do?

You should wait to deal with the complaint, provide evidence you don't succumb to bias by showing the texts refusing to influence her decision.

Then you should backtrack and take the promotion just to really fuck her off

Have you not provided the evidence of her committing gross professional misconduct yet? She should be suspended pending investigation by now for a) attempting to influence a recruitment decision and b)attempting to coerce you and c) for the malicious grievance in itself.

This is outrageous, OP. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.

Just awful, I am sorry.
I have a similar situation in that I am very good friends with my boss. Colleagues used to say things like 'I hope that the boss will hear about this' to me.
One colleague decided that I was always given preferential treatment (I didn't, and we have similar to you, no shop talk outside of the building!) and started actively going out of her way to create bad feeling, shouting and screaming then refusing to talk.

I was a grey rock for 6 months, and then after being screamed at again, during a temper tantrum mid team meeting, I walked into the boss's office and said calmly 'her or me. I'm happy whatever you decide but I cannot continue like this.'
It was awful that it came to that, but the boss chose the calmer employee who worked hard and didn't create issues with other colleagues. It was nothing at all to do with our friendship outside of work.

This was only a year ago, it still feels rather raw. But some people are just unbalanced and jealous. I actually deeply pitied her, as her behaviour showed me that she was deeply insecure, but no amount of calmness or reassurance was sufficient.

Don't leave a job that you are happy in. You have the right to calmly respond to the complaint, and you have done nothing wrong.

Was there any further drama at work OP? I'd be amazed if you are still working together?

Just say knowing your friend it would go against her. So you will keep out of it and wish her luck. Tell her you are confident she will get it on her own merits

@maddy68 You really need to read the OP's updates, especially the ones on 31st Dec & 3rd January!

Those updates were the real twist in this story. I thought the colleague was batshit but I really didn't see that one coming that she would make a complaint against OP when she didn't get the job. Wtaf??

I'm so sorry I haven't updated! There's not much to say really; but thankfully the complaint just didn't go anywhere.

My Boss, my colleague and myself were asked to account for any discussions relating to the promotion, and I was able to show the messages I received (and my replies) and Boss confirmed I had not discussed anything with her.

Boss also had documents relating to issues of inaccuracy and cited this as the main reason for colleague not reaching the requirements for promotion; my hunch was right.

Interestingly - I was asked if I wanted to raise a complaint against colleague regarding the 'pressurised nature' of her messages, I said no. But I wonder if they had an informal word?

Colleague called in sick for a few days after this! She's back now, still cold towards me, and we're not in contact outside of work anymore. Honestly, I'm secretly hoping she is looking for another role, I think she has somewhat shot herself in the foot here and won't be promoted anytime soon.

I've decided not to leave, and to weather the storm! All your messages and advice helped, so thank you.

Good outcome, OP! Well done for holding your nerve and behaving absolutely professionally throughout.

Well done @BluesandReds, good outcome overall.
Sorry you has to go through it, but you behaved impeccably throughout & it's good you refused to engage with the request.
I think you're right and she won't be there too much longer, she has to realise that her cards are marked for unprofessional behaviour & if she wants promotion it'll have to be elsewhere with a Clean slate.

I’m glad you’re ok, but I would have raised a complaint. Her behaviour was really irrational and entitled and I would have doubts about her professionalism. And she clearly still feels resentful and hard done by. Toxic!
you on the other hand, sound lovely!

Oh well done on not leaving. I would have a hard time not raising a complaint against her for her spitefulness myself. Maybe don't write it off completely if she's still being cold to you as it may still be necessary to strike back if she doesn't behave x

What a horrible person she is

So which was it… She felt she couldn’t get the job without you ‘putting in a word’ or she was so great that her not getting the job ‘had to be your fault’…. What a weird person, and to still be frosty to you when she should be apologising and thanking you for not complaining about her behaviour….. although maybe you should have a ‘on second thoughts’ moment. I hate bullies!!
I hope it hasn’t affected your friendship with the boss. I wouldn’t engage in any conversation about your friendship again… if asked what you’re doing (and it’s with the boss) I’d say ‘not much’…. Only discuss the stuff that you do without her. Sadly people will always make $#1T up to suit their narrative… saddest thing is they believe their own stories.

Any further unpleasant encounters with her @BluesandReds ?

Your colleague probably has totally shot herself in the foot. It was completely inappropriate of her to ask you to intervene in any way.

How bizarre of her to essentially complain about you not acting on her inappropriate request .🙈