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Original poster

Awkward situation at work

366 replies

BluesandReds · 19/12/2022 18:14

I'm good friends with my boss. She's the top boss - I'm just a minion, several rungs below. We have a lot in common and share a hobby so we see each other socially and are in touch most days.

We seem to have this rule that neither of us have ever really stated to each other, but we both adhere to - we never discuss work. We never talk about colleagues, and if there's anything work related like holidays, changing a shift, then I go through the right channels; there's I suspect this is partly why our friendship works.

A colleague who is the same 'rank' as me is after a promotion, I'm quite close to her as a friend too, and I think a lot of her. But she has asked me to put in a good word for her, which I can't do. I've tried explaining to her that the boss and I never discuss work and I wouldn't dream of getting involved but she's being adamant.

She's text me tonight asking if I've said anything yet, and that if she doesn't get the promotion then she'll be very disappointed that I didn't fight her corner.

I'm getting a bit annoyed now that she's not listening - what can I say/do?

OP posts:
Stewball01 · 22/12/2022 10:02

This.

pinkfondu · 22/12/2022 10:08

She's proving with every message why you shouldn't

sue20 · 22/12/2022 10:33

Does she know that you have a good friendship with the boss and that this depends on not mixing work in? I did pick up a thought when you said "this seems to work" . In a formal work place with a hierarchy this isn't just a case of "seems" it's absolutely correct and professional. The other colleague is having a problem grasping this, but I agree with the comments that she needs to get the job on her own merit, for her own satisfaction as well. Really annoying that she is badgering you, not a good look, I'd start to feel she shouldn't get the job anyway! But obviously that should be nothing to do with you

Ursuladevine · 22/12/2022 10:35

It seems to me the Op is very professional out of work with regard to her personal relationship with the boss ie not ever talking about work
But much less professional in work with what she tells colleagues about her non work related relationship with the boss, otherwise how would this person and other colleagues be so aware of how close she is to the boss?

sue20 · 22/12/2022 10:36

GrasstrackGirl · 21/12/2022 19:32

I don't think that the OP is the one who needs to grow up.

Show quote history

Yes how weird a response.

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:43

Why can't you be assertive enough to say NO? I would have replied:
'Please stop asking me about this as I have explained already. I have full faith you'll get the promotion on your own merits'

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:43

Your friend is a twat.

davet30 · 29/12/2022 15:52

Nepotism is ghastly and has prevented my son from getting promotion through his own abilities on more than one occasion. It's rife in a lot of organisations and its high time it was eradicated. Not only does it deny genuine individuals the opportunity to reach their potential but it also hinders the progress of the company involved by not having the right people in the right place.

Tell her that you have heard of my story and that you agree that promotion should only be offered if the individual has earned the right through their own achievements and that you would feel embarrassed to even as as it goes against your principles.

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 15:53

Nepotism is ghastly and has prevented my son from getting promotion through his own abilities on more than one occasion. I

out of interest, did you hear about this from your son?

davet30 · 29/12/2022 15:56

I did

why would you ask?

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 15:58

davet30 · 29/12/2022 15:56

I did

why would you ask?

Because let’s be honest, as a parent, particularly a parent this is only hearing about the reasoning behind being passed for promotion by the very person who was passed, your stance is unlikely to be…. Objective!

HideyHoe · 30/12/2022 03:01

Ursuladevine · 29/12/2022 15:58

Because let’s be honest, as a parent, particularly a parent this is only hearing about the reasoning behind being passed for promotion by the very person who was passed, your stance is unlikely to be…. Objective!

Show quote history

That may well be the case but you talk as if nepotism is a myth which makes you sound like a person who has used or benefitted from it. 🙄

Ursuladevine · 30/12/2022 07:16

HideyHoe · 30/12/2022 03:01

That may well be the case but you talk as if nepotism is a myth which makes you sound like a person who has used or benefitted from it. 🙄

Show quote history

What, because I’m a tad skeptical that a parent recounting what her son told her about how he’s been passed for promotion a few times…. May not be the most objective posters on this thread?! 😂

Original poster
BluesandReds · 31/12/2022 06:45

I wanted to update - its all gone a bit sour!

When I next saw my colleague after my last text, she was very cold with me. I asked her for a quick chat to resolve it all, but she refused.

I've was on shift with her twice more, with the same treatment.

She was then told that she didn't meet the promotion requirements this time, but she was encouraged to reapply in 6 months.

I know this, because she immediately put forward a complaint regarding me, and the 'influence' of my personal friendship with the boss.

Thank you to those posters saying to keep the messages with her - luckily I've got evidence of exactly how pushy she was and my replies. Boss knows I didn't say a word to her, so it's completely unfounded.

It all feels very messy and unnecessary.

OP posts:
MadeofElephantStone · 31/12/2022 06:50

Sorry it's come to this. By making unfounded claims out of spite she may have just shot herself in the foot with any future promotions. I'd be keeping a polite but breezy distance from her in future, she is no friend.

Daffyaboutdaffs · 31/12/2022 06:54

Oh no that is horrible @BluesandReds I don’t think I would be able to have anything more to do with this person. As to the complaint it seems you have more than enough to back you up.

ThinWomansBrain · 31/12/2022 06:54

I assume that the unfounded complaint will show her up as not really suitable for a senior position.
Sounds ghastly to have to continue working with her - hopefully she'll leave.

Original poster
BluesandReds · 31/12/2022 07:01

MadeofElephantStone · 31/12/2022 06:50

Sorry it's come to this. By making unfounded claims out of spite she may have just shot herself in the foot with any future promotions. I'd be keeping a polite but breezy distance from her in future, she is no friend.

It doesn't look good for her, as I know I haven't said anything, and the Boss won't appreciate the way she was being pushy. And to blame me feels like an unprofessional, knee jerk reaction.

I feel very silly for considering the colleague was a friend. Perhaps she had motives? I've even looked after her kids when she had an emergency, and hosted her and her DH a couple of times.

I have a couple of days now to frame my response to her complaint, after being informed etc.

Boss and I are chatting about our hobby and choosing the next event so at least things between us are normal!

We'll discuss the issue at work in the correct setting, it won't be mentioned between us until then.

OP posts:
HairyKitty · 31/12/2022 07:02

I hope you’ve still got all the text messages because she’s going to look really stupid if she’s made a complaint and the messages all have to come out.

Princessglittery · 31/12/2022 07:11

@BluesandReds I am sorry you are going through this. You were so right to stand your ground and to keep it professional.

georgarina · 31/12/2022 07:36

If you haven't, screenshot your conversation because she might delete her messages now. Good luck!

red4321 · 31/12/2022 07:51

There's zero upside for her in doing this. She'll look unprofessional and aggressive, and jeopardise any future promotion. Madness.

BatshitBanshee · 31/12/2022 08:36

Oh wow. She's about to come a cropper. That is a spectacular level of arrogance, she was nothing but aggressive and unprofessional in her messages and now she's basically confirmed she's a liar and vindictive. Not management material and I'll be very surprised if she's welcomed for very much longer.

AngelontopoftheTree · 31/12/2022 08:46

Oh @BluesandReds how shitty! She's showing her true colours now 😠

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 31/12/2022 08:50

Your friend isn't too smart, is she?

You can prove how pushy she was.

Your boss knows you've never discussed her either way.

And now your boss knows she's a troublemaker.