DP fussy eater

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I think I'm in bit of a funk today as i've not been feeling well recently and more than likely creating a mountain out of a mole hill.

DP is an extremely fussy eater (he has an older sibling with ASD who has a very select beige diet but DP has no other signs of being ND) and it's started to bring me down.

We moved into our first home in the beginning of summer and he is honestly the greatest man I have ever met and I cannot wait to marry him in 2024. DP is very caring and tries his hardest to not let it affect me. He doesn't want to be this way, is embarrassed and is trying but his diet is similar to a four-year-old.

DP will not eat vegetables or anything in source. His diet before meeting me was essentially meat, white carbs, beige frozen food and chips. The last year he's started to eat pizza (never wanted the tomato source), potatoes (not just chips) and meat in non dairy/veg source. He won't have anything with dairy (rules out pasta bakes), or anything that seasoned (roasted potatoes with herbs/garlic etc). When I cook he'll eat meat with certain veg as long as he doesn't know it's there i.e. Sausage with sage/garlic or onions blended into the mince.

There's only a few restaurants we can go to that he can actually eat in but he'll never put up a fuss. A couple of weeks ago we didn't have much choice apart from a pub lunch and as there wasn't anything on the menu he wanted to eat he just had three desserts.

It's just becoming difficult to attempt to eat a similar meal and I feel that I'm becoming deficient trying to meet us half way. DP has always offered to cook his own meals, or as it's literally just plain meat and pasta I can just cook his separately. I've noticed that i'm feeling more run down more often but it's because i'm eating similar to him 75% of the week just as it's easier. Food shops are costing a fortune as meat isn't cheap and i've noticed that i'm barely bothering to buy myself veg as the small handfuls i'm throwing on the side of my plate is just meaning so much is getting wasted. I don't bother buying myself treats I used to enjoy like salsa/cheese/stuffed peppers as we're already spending a fortune on the weekly shop i'll just tuck into biscuits with him. Same with there's not much point buying myself a seeded loaf when we can both just eat white bread.

Before we moved in together I used to meal prep for myself and I could easily go back to that to ensure i'm eating well (I don't quite see the point in spending an hour cooking just for me) but it's that I feel like we're having separate meals. I'm craving some Moroccan style couscous, roasted veg with maybe some lemon chicken and maybe I could tell DP to sort himself out... probably just plain chicken and rice.

AIBU to feel down about DPs fussy eating or shall I just pull myself together as there's bigger issues in this world.

@yadaya yes I have. And you’ve explained it well in this thread. So I’m baffled as to why you think I was suggesting you were a fussy eater.
If you have an eating disorder then you aren’t a fussy eater are you? You have a medical condition.

just as I have an immune disorder and I’m not a fussy eater either.

stop looking for things to be offended about. It’s entirely unnecessary

stop looking for things to be offended about. It’s entirely unnecessary

Maybe you need to be clearer as to who you are addressing. It wasn't entirely clear who you were referring to..... the OPs partner, me or fussy eaters in general 🤷🏼‍♀️

It read like you were talking about me as you were quoting my posts.

You seem to be struggling with how discussions work (I’m talking to you now as I mentioned you directly)

that doesn’t mean I’m unable to segue into making a more general discussion point in relation to the thread to keep conversation going. It’s how discussion works.

I’m honestly surprised that’s so difficult to grasp

and if you weren’t clear who I was addressing (it doesn’t actually need to be specifically anyone on an anonymous discussion forum) then why not clarify before making assumptions I’m attacking you. If you identify as a voluntary fussy eater and choose to take offence based on that, that’s up to you. Seems a bit odd to do that though when you’ve been SO clear you have a recognised medical issue (as have I, so by your ‘reasoning’ I’d also be criticising myself )

Tbh, you just seem desperate for an argument furandfeathers 🤷🏼‍♀️

Enjoy your evening

That’s easy to conclude when you focus on the half of my post that wasn’t directed at you and entirely disregard the part where I said

Yes I’d agree. I enjoy food but my dietary restrictions mean I’ve had to learn to place much less value on it. Does it make dating and travelling more difficult? Yes. Do people judge me for it? Perhaps.

But if you’re determined to take offence I can see you’d overlook agreement and empathetic sharing of my own condition in an effort to find common ground in favour of taking offence at comments that were fairly clearly nothing to do with you, 🤷‍♀️

My son in law is like this, and DD is now having a nightmare as the kids want to eat beige processed crap like he does....... I'd think a future through with this man very carefully. It's possibly going to be lifelong, and with massive health implications along the way.

You are so rude. Having a limited list of preferred foods can be part of having an eating disorder. It's fine if you don't agree with me, but there's no need to be so rude.

What specifically was rude?

or is ‘rude’ just another way of saying ‘pointed out the flaws in my argument’?

interesting that you feel qualified to say the DP has an eating disorder from limited info on an internet thread. Your expertise must be great indeed! 😁

My DH was like this when we met. He has improved over the years and now eats one veg - broccoli - but eating out is still a challenge . He cooks his own meals at home.

I've been married for 23 years and you could count on one hand the number of times DH and I have eaten the same meal. He just likes a very limited and extremely boring range of foods. It bothered me very briefly but then I decided it wasn't a hill I was interested in dying on in an otherwise great relationship. Togetherness at meal times comes from your communication with each other, not from having all the same items on your plate.

It sounds like AFRID to me and as someone who also has AFRID it's not something you can just switch off. My husband and kids eat different meals to me and we just get on with it. I would love to be able to eat different meals but it's not as easy as trying something new. I'm hoping to get treatment one day when we can afford to pay for it.