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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hand hold please - self loathing after Christmas party

153 replies

fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 04:38

Posting here for traffic- really really need a handhold right now.
The Christmas party on Friday turned into an all nighter and I drank more than anyone ever should. I am usually reliable, dependable and quite sensible to the point of boring. But things have been stressful lately and I just wanted to let my hair down. I went too far though.
My workmates got me home and most of them have responded to my apologies over the weekend with reassurance that all is okay and they had fun. Everyone else was pretty merry but I was smashed. Most of them did drugs too but I just drank (enough to sink a small vessel).
I know that I chatted a load of shit about the state of my marriage (which is always a bit up and down) and I feel so ashamed.

I have to go back to work at 08:00 today and can't sleep because I feel so anxious. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and take a low dose antidepressant, but have been terrible at remembering to take it for a few weeks now. I basically only ever get drunk at the Christmas party, not at all throughout the rest of the year. I know why I drank so much and I feel terrible that I chose to do that instead of dealing with my stresses properly.
Please if there is anyone there to hold my hand and get me through this anxiety I would be so grateful.

OP posts:
SweetyGreen · 19/12/2022 04:41

It's just standard alcohol anxiety. Your colleagues will all have it too. Sleep, paracetamol, coffee, carbs. All will be OK again by midday.

DumpIing · 19/12/2022 04:47

Sounds like they were all off their heads and won’t remember it.

Stop apologising- that’s only bringing it all up again. Style it out “wow, really suffered this weekend after Friday night. Thankfully I don’t do it often. Great night, wasn’t it?”

And start setting an alarm on your phone so that you make your medication. It’s been prescribed because you need it, and you have to take it regularly.

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 04:47

@SweetyGreen
Thank you- it was on Friday night so I have had a whole weekend of doing the usual things but I feel so anxious about returning to work this morning.
I am almost 40 and have a young child FFS I thought this portion of my life was long gone 🙄

OP posts:
Wanderingoff · 19/12/2022 04:51

If they were doing drugs they really are not going to judge

Zedcarz · 19/12/2022 04:56

Why are you embarrassed 😳? By your own admission 'most of them did drugs' , and clearly not discreetly if you know about it, ergo, if anyone needs to be embarrassed it should be them 🤣
The only reason you got twatted and thry didn't is because of the drugs, plus Christmas party is the number one place for someone to do something nuts, and weve all had a hellidh few years of pure tenion so don't worry about it, just let it go
If it really continues to bother you so much, maybe consider changing your approach to alcohol in future , but remember youre mainly judging yourself through the eyes of people who had to take drugs to get through the occasion x

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 04:57

I think it's mainly that I can't remember everything and I know that pretty much everyone else there will - they were nowhere near as drunk as I was.

I am pretty committed to styling it out this morning but I don't know how I am going to manage it.

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 19/12/2022 04:58

Wanderingoff · 19/12/2022 04:51

If they were doing drugs they really are not going to judge

Wrote my response before I saw yours! OP pretty sure if they were all coked up they'd also have been chatting a LOT of shit, you just don't remember cos you were pissed

Shoxfordian · 19/12/2022 04:59

Don’t worry about it, sounds like they were all drunk. Think about whether you need to do something about your marriage though, in vino veritas etc

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:02

I think drug use is pretty standard for some of the people I work with. I love them all dearly (which I know I definitely told them repeatedly 🙄) but we are very different. I have a totally different role to them and am essentially seen as the reliable dependable one who takes care of them. It sounds fucked and it probably is, we're like a family.

OP posts:
frootyfroo · 19/12/2022 05:04

It’s a horrible feeling OP and we’ve all been there (myself on multiple occasions!) However, it sounds like everyone went a bit wild so I highly doubt they’ll even remember anything you said! It’s not like you were the only one drinking and everyone else was stone cold sober.

BCBird · 19/12/2022 05:05

Brazen it out.Laugh it off and think on nxt year if the way you have been.this year bothers you. If it your annual blow out and you accept that,that's fine too.

Summer2424 · 19/12/2022 05:05

Hi @fireatthechristmasparty honestly don't worry! You haven't done anything wrong x

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:07

Thanks everyone, I am starting to feel a bit better. I was expecting a massive bashing but you're all being so kind.

OP posts:
FOJN · 19/12/2022 05:09

I'm going to say this with all the kindness in the world OP and hope it gives you some perspective, you were not the most important person at that party.

No one is going to remember half of what you said and your colleagues will have spent the weekend feeling sorry for themselve and trying to recover from their own excesses rather than ruminating on what fire said at the Christmas party.

No one is going to think their memory is reliable after generous amounts of alcohol and/or drugs so styling it out will be easy.

I feel for you but I am certain it's not as bad as you think. Don't make any further apologies, chatting shit when drunk is not a crime.

BethiaC · 19/12/2022 05:09

Were you shagging in the stationery cupboard? No.
Did you snort a line of coke? No.
You got pissed. So what?
Did you fall over/pass out/throw up/lose bladder control? No, no, no, no.
You said more than you meant to and to people who probably weren’t listening and who were off their faces.
Friday was trivial. Put it in perspective and style it out.

iknowhimsowell · 19/12/2022 05:09

Oh goodness, it'll be fine. They'll be too worried about what they did to be concerned about you. Doing drugs at a work Christmas party would be gross misconduct in many places of work.

BethiaC · 19/12/2022 05:10

Perfect FOJN. I wish I’d written that.

QOD · 19/12/2022 05:10

Welcome to my world

my version of the taxi ride home friday
’slept like a log, woke up cos someone put a carrier bag over my face?’

their version. ‘ you passed out then suddenly woke up gagging and crying that you wanted to go home’

so cringe

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:11

So I just need to style it out? Half of the workforce left at a lot earlier so there will be a bit of talk but it's not like any of them have never made a tit of themselves, right?

😬 I think I need to work on my confident styling it out persona!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:14

@BethiaC
I did fall over and do some pretty dubious dance moves with someone 15 years my junior, but that's probably the worst of it

OP posts:
Noleafclover1 · 19/12/2022 05:15

Bless you, it doesn't sound like you did anything terrible. Like a previous poster said, people are likely to be focusing on their own paranoia about what they may or may not have said/done.

Try to put it in perspective too - you spent a lot of the night telling your colleagues how much you love them. Nothing wrong with that! Imagine the opposite - someone who turns into a nasty drunk and insults people or slags them off.

Style it out, it'll be forgotten about by the end of the week Smile

Lurkingandlearning · 19/12/2022 05:16

It’s a shame toy text them over the weekend, but for the that you could’ve told them you left early. If they were all off their nut on drugs it might have confused them 😂

Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:16

@FOJN
I totally take your point and thank you for your honest take on things. We are a small workplace and there were only 6 of us left, apparently I wouldn't let anyone else speak......so I think they will remember😳

OP posts:
Original poster
fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 05:18

@Lurkingandlearning
Love your devious plan 😂 They all got me home though, I think it would have been a stretch to get them all to believe they imagined that!

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 19/12/2022 05:18

Too early ! “You” not toy