Hand hold please - self loathing after Christmas party

[fireatthechristmasparty]

Posting here for traffic- really really need a handhold right now.
The Christmas party on Friday turned into an all nighter and I drank more than anyone ever should. I am usually reliable, dependable and quite sensible to the point of boring. But things have been stressful lately and I just wanted to let my hair down. I went too far though.
My workmates got me home and most of them have responded to my apologies over the weekend with reassurance that all is okay and they had fun. Everyone else was pretty merry but I was smashed. Most of them did drugs too but I just drank (enough to sink a small vessel).
I know that I chatted a load of shit about the state of my marriage (which is always a bit up and down) and I feel so ashamed.

I have to go back to work at 08:00 today and can't sleep because I feel so anxious. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and take a low dose antidepressant, but have been terrible at remembering to take it for a few weeks now. I basically only ever get drunk at the Christmas party, not at all throughout the rest of the year. I know why I drank so much and I feel terrible that I chose to do that instead of dealing with my stresses properly.
Please if there is anyone there to hold my hand and get me through this anxiety I would be so grateful.

@QOD
Sounds like we had a similar night!! Have you had to face anyone yet? Are you back into work today?

You're being way, way, waaay too hard on yourself. Chances are, your colleagues kinda liked seeing this reckless side to you
I don't mean to minimise how you're feeling, but there is absolutely NO need for the self-flagellation
At least you didn't sleep with the boss!!

So you danced with someone in their mid 20s and lost your balance? I think you just proved you’re normal, fun.
I’ve done this. If I’d been there I wouldn’t think worse of you and I’m sure none of them do.

Sounds pretty standard for a raucous Christmas party, don't worry! As others have said they were doing drugs so probably won't remember or care! Style it out, if anyone says you were hammered just say that you rarely drink so really let your hair down. It's nice to be told how lovely a team is (sone it myself!) people will have seen a caring side perhaps? As for dancing ... what happwns on the dance floor stays there - unless you were slut dropping the CEO or pretending to do rude things no one will remember 😋

I saw one person yesterday because our children had a pre-arranged play date. We also chatted quite a lot by text on Saturday. She is a friend but wanted to mull over and laugh about the details whilst I would like to forget the whole thing. She was very drunk and didn't take the drugs so she probably has the best memory out of everyone there.
It sounds like people were generally entertained by my antics but might be a bit concerned about me because of the over sharing about home life stresses.
To put things into perspective, my marriage has been through some awful patches in the last year or so but generally things have been good recently. I have been feeling stressed about daft things (getting the house up together, etc) over the last week or so and DW has pissed me off by not being especially helpful. I haven't been taking my medication (just forgetting) and things have been getting on top of me. I am pretty sure I raked up a load of ground that really doesn't need going over instead of focusing on the here and now of the situation

Sorry, that was meant to say she wasn't very drunk

My friend used to separate his character so 'drunk Gary' would do and say ridiculous things that 'sober Gary' would never do.
If anyone takes the piss, say that wasn't me, it was drunk (your name), I would never do that!

Try not to worry, just think, one day we'll all be dead and forgotten

Been there, done that! Sounds like you didn’t disgrace yourself much. There might be some teasing today, but just laugh through it, tell them how bad the hangover was on Saturday and pretty soon it will all be forgotten

Ah, you have the hangxiety!
I did this a couple of years ago - could've written this post, in fact. You'll feel better tomorrow. Eat loads of salty carbs and drink lots of water, style it out at work and get an early night if you can. Tomorrow is a new day.

You've been fretting about this all weekend, haven't you?
Try and draw a line under it and move on. Sounds like you didn't do anything particularly cringe-worthy compared to a whole list of possible horrors. Go into work with your head held high and don't apologise for anything.

Not sure you're ok with a joke about this, so I will stop here 😉

No one drinks and takes drugs until 4am and is just merry. They were all smashed too. If they remember what you said (unlikely) they’ll be more concerned with their own bullshit that’s reared its ugly head!

Listen many of us have been there. I certainly have. You’ve texted people to apologise, sounds like they were all off it too if taking drugs. Not like you were the only person drunk when everyone was drinking to excess and taking drugs. The best thing to do today at work is just laugh it off, laugh at yourself and say you’re not safe to be let out!

we had a big meet up once for a baby group I belonged to. We hired somewhere and had lots of wine. One woman in particular was very drunk. Next morning when people were telling her what she said and did she burst into tears and everyone felt very uncomfortable. Best reaction is to just laugh it off and say don’t let me out again. You’ll be fine. Good to face it and get it over with.

Honestly op it doesn't sound too bad at all. If anything it was probably a bit endearing for your colleagues to see the human/vulnerable side of you. You didn't do anything unkind that you should be ashamed of.

You have nothing to worry about OP - no-one’s going to judge you badly. There will probably be a bit of ‘what a night!’ going on - and definitely a few people styling it out.
Getting pissed and dancing badly is standard letting your hair down stuff, and you’ve got every right to have fun.
You’ll feel better when you’ve got today out of the way 💐

Your colleagues will only like you all the more for this. Really.

Everybody will be teasing everybody else - your team are MUCH harder partyers than you, & they are well used to Beer Fear, aching heads & sorry little red faces the morning (or Monday) after.

You sound lovely btw.
Lovely enough to start taking PP's advice about an alarm notification for your meds. You DESERVE those meds - how dare you be lax about them? Who do you think you are - a person who isn't importanrt enough to take damn good care of herself?

There. You've just had the bollocking you were fearing on here.
Better now?

@KettrickenSmiled
Well you made me cry, but more because of your kindness than anything else!

Aaaaaw sweetheart.

I expect you needed to. Tears are healing (chemical fact, not woo), also that's a few extra drops of detox you've pushed out of your system 😁

Honestly if I’ve had nights like these and think I’ve done this terrible thing, literally no one remembers/cares and are too hung up on their own ’oh my gods’. Don’t drink now because of hangxiety like this. But seriously people only care if someone is violent/aggressive whatever. Dancing and botching about your marriage won’t even make the top 20!

It is horrible when you have to go back to work after being drunk, but once you have faced it you will feel much better. By 10am this morning you will have faced your fear and be much less anxious.

Telling people you love them and and dancing or falling are not offensive and anything you said about your marriage will be taken with a huge pinch of salt as you were drunk (if others even remember).

I bet you are the only person giving it a second thought! Its fine, you went out you had fun, I'm assuming you kept control of all major bodily functions, sounds like a good night to me!

I feel for you, been there, done that but done worse. None of what you said sounds bad. However, I have given up wine and learnt to moderate and it has been a massive relief to not go through that horrible worry after nights out. Definitely recommend it.

You're not the only one with The Fear today if everyone keeps telling you things you did just hide your fear and say I don't want to know. Laugh off you could hardly move after breaking out the moves on Friday ha ha. It'll be a sweaty 5 minutes and then people start going back to their own lives, you'll be grand.

I used to suffer awful with The Fear, even if I remembered everything and my sister said "were you rude to anyone, did you fight with anyone? No? Then let it go and stop being so hard on yourself?" Stop apologising, you got drunk but didn't do anything wrong.

Own it op!

I work with a very stuffy, severe chap who once got pissed at the Xmas party. I like him all the more for it, yes he did overshare, but he was funny and outrageous at time, and really good fun.

Stroll into work and chat to people about the party, but rather than 'oh god what did I do' take the line of 'wow what an evening, fantastic to let my hair down before Xmas, had a bit of a sore head on Saturday' and laugh.

At least you didn't spill red wine whilst knocking over a glass and cutting your CEOs hand - like I did many year ago

Thank you all so much for helping me to get perspective, only wish I had asked last night and possibly gotten a better night sleep!!
I am hitting the shower now to wash the shame smell out of my hair 😂 Will front it out with everyone first thing and let you know how I get on.
Actually though, the only people I really let down are my family because we had to cancel plans on Saturday. They're all absolutely fine with it, so if anyone at work has an issue they're just being daft!

Due to growing up with an alcoholic father I don't really drink and can be a bit intolerant of drinking (I'd pretty much had my life's fill of dealing with drunk people before I'd reached drinking age myself) and not even I'd judge anything you've described. The only person I've ever judged for Christmas party drunkenness was the colleague who used to get aggressive and start fights when he got drunk - and still used to get drunk regularly (unsurprisingly he was also a prick when sober).