Hand hold please - self loathing after Christmas party

[fireatthechristmasparty]

Posting here for traffic- really really need a handhold right now.
The Christmas party on Friday turned into an all nighter and I drank more than anyone ever should. I am usually reliable, dependable and quite sensible to the point of boring. But things have been stressful lately and I just wanted to let my hair down. I went too far though.
My workmates got me home and most of them have responded to my apologies over the weekend with reassurance that all is okay and they had fun. Everyone else was pretty merry but I was smashed. Most of them did drugs too but I just drank (enough to sink a small vessel).
I know that I chatted a load of shit about the state of my marriage (which is always a bit up and down) and I feel so ashamed.

I have to go back to work at 08:00 today and can't sleep because I feel so anxious. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and take a low dose antidepressant, but have been terrible at remembering to take it for a few weeks now. I basically only ever get drunk at the Christmas party, not at all throughout the rest of the year. I know why I drank so much and I feel terrible that I chose to do that instead of dealing with my stresses properly.
Please if there is anyone there to hold my hand and get me through this anxiety I would be so grateful.

It sounds like it is going grand. Honestly I don't think ppl really take as much note of other peoples lives as we think. 'Susan' might be worried of god did everyone know I was flirting with 'Joe' disgracefully all night.

I wasn't the instigator but on a work night out a manager about 10 years older than me cornered me, and started to strip shreds of every part of my personality. I was a trainee at the time and it actually took another trainee to come over (eventually we were all scared of her) she say back off. When I fled! She called me the next day to say 'I hope you didn't misunderstand last night'. That was misbehaving on a night out, not what you did. We all do that at some point!

Was the dancing with a Male or Female ?

Eye roll? Eh?

I think no one really cares/pays as much attention to other people’s drunken antics as we think they do.

As long as you don’t kill or assault anyone and don’t publicly shit yourself, you should be fine to style it out the next day.

@whattodo1975
Male

Have you confessed this to your other half ? This is LTB territory when done by a husband.

@whattodo1975
Sorry for the confusion, I am a gay woman. I did tell my wife about it though

Op how has your day been?

@666roses
Things aren't great to be honest - nobody has said much but I have been feeling very low and anxious nonetheless.
The friend who I saw yesterday seems to be enjoying telling me little snippets of things that I have forgotten about, which I am finding tricky. I don't think she is doing it on purpose to upset me but I am finding it difficult to either style it out or tell her to f*ck off, so just becoming increasingly bothered by it.
I think it doesn't help that I was awake half the night worrying about things.

So apart from this 1 person (who knows you are anxious) has not said a word....
Well everyone else obviously doesn't not remember and the person you considered in is probably making things up to upset you.
Today's working day is almost over so home and cuddle up to your wife and have a chilled evening xx

That’s tough… can you deflect and gossip about someone else? Her ideally!

@TofuonToast
Haha! I wish!

Aww OP reading the title of your thread I thought you were going to tell us you’d done something terrible, but actually you’ve done nothing wrong at all! We’ve all been there where we’ve had one too many and maybe over shared a wee bit. You are being way too harsh on yourself. Please stop being so apologetic and just laugh along if anyone says anything.

Wotsit I think I love you. Feckin' magnificent night out.

Sleeplessness NEVER helps anxious overthinking.
A good night's kip tonight, now you know you've faced the Monday After & are safe home with no harm done will help.

And once better rested, you'll be less prone to second-guessing yourself - that tendency that makes us look to other people's opinions & impressions as if our own aren't equally valid ...

You didn't blow a raspberry up the MD's arse, you weren't coked out of your head like the rest, you're not having to shamefacedly present a 'quiet persona' due to drug-withdrawal paranoia & genuine fear for your job, you set nothing on fire, assassinated no popes, & the worst that can be levelled at you is some boozy garrulousness & MumDancing.

In short, an exemplary performance young Fire.

No need for strenuous styling it out - just remember the value of judicious personal pronoun choices if the colleague who keeps remembering snippets pipes up again & inadvertently rattles you -
"I know right? What were we like, haha?!"

WE, gettit? Not "I".
(There is no I in Xmas Party!- groan) - WE were ALL off our tits!

Tell her she needs to have more important things to talk about, that her life must revolve around trivia, to shut her up.
Then smile sweetly.
🤣

You're all absolutely right! Monday is done, a good night sleep has been had (well, as good as it gets in our house right now!) and Tuesday is a new day. Most people are working away today so it'll be me on my own a lot but that's all good.
I have taken my medication the last two days and I am committed to better looking after myself. I have also removed all of the booze from the big online Christmas shop and replaced it with nice biscuits 😂

If I were you I’d remove the hair shirt from the big online shop and replace some of the bottles of booze.
E n o u g h of beating yourself up OP.

I've just realised that the young bloke is probably avoiding me because he is embarrassed about dancing with geriatric colleague and not because he is appalled by my behaviour.
I know I am dragging out my own agony but I can't seem to stop myself. It will dull down over the Christmas holidays and there isn't much more to get through this week now.

I used to feel like this after every Christmas party.

One year was particularly bad. The event was poorly run, so food was really late but the free bar was well stocked. By the time the mains came out, I couldn't use my knife and fork because I was far too drunk. I didn't even see my pudding!

My point is, I was absolutely fucked!

Turns out, everyone was. We all felt like we'd made fools of ourselves but none of us could remember what anyone else had done because we were all too drunk.

You sound tame compared to how I've been. You've no need to feel embarrassed or anxious.

I hope you had a great night!

Exactly. No one is really that bothered about you getting drunk at a Xmas do. You did nothing truly awful and you really need to stop beating yourself up about it!

Honestly, if everyone was drinking and or doing drugs, then no one will really have noticed. Hangover shame makes things much worse in your head than they actually were and honestly, I’ve had much worse much more frequently….. I still shudder now at some of them (think decades ago) but I recently brought one such evening up with an old friend who was present for it and she couldn’t remember at all. It will soon be forgotten (completely) or become a ‘you were sooooo drunk that night’ story.

drink lots of water and some rehydration sachets and turn up at work saying with a self deprecating smile ‘god I was sooooo drunk, so embarrassed, this is why I don’t drink. Hahahaha’ and leave it.

Sounds like you anxiety is high properly off drinking a lot give yourself a few more days to recover try not to analyse everything you said someone would of mentioned by now if you done anything bad I get like this after a big night out so sympathise with you, be kind to yourself hopefully feel better soon

Sorry I wouldn't consider this "friend" behaviour. Everyone knows that what happens at the Christmas party stays at the Christmas party.

Reminding people of what they said or did whilst they were letting their hair down is like imitating your partners orgasm face, it's just rude and intended to make someone feel self conscious and uncomfortable.

It sounds like a night to remember!!

Work Xmas party should always be a bit raucous, sounds like you had fun at the time.