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Original poster

Hand hold please - self loathing after Christmas party

153 replies

fireatthechristmasparty · 19/12/2022 04:38

Posting here for traffic- really really need a handhold right now.
The Christmas party on Friday turned into an all nighter and I drank more than anyone ever should. I am usually reliable, dependable and quite sensible to the point of boring. But things have been stressful lately and I just wanted to let my hair down. I went too far though.
My workmates got me home and most of them have responded to my apologies over the weekend with reassurance that all is okay and they had fun. Everyone else was pretty merry but I was smashed. Most of them did drugs too but I just drank (enough to sink a small vessel).
I know that I chatted a load of shit about the state of my marriage (which is always a bit up and down) and I feel so ashamed.

I have to go back to work at 08:00 today and can't sleep because I feel so anxious. I do suffer from depression and anxiety and take a low dose antidepressant, but have been terrible at remembering to take it for a few weeks now. I basically only ever get drunk at the Christmas party, not at all throughout the rest of the year. I know why I drank so much and I feel terrible that I chose to do that instead of dealing with my stresses properly.
Please if there is anyone there to hold my hand and get me through this anxiety I would be so grateful.

OP posts:
QOD · 20/12/2022 18:38

yep back to work yesterday - remotely tho lol.
I just said sorry for any misbehaviour, I am an embarassment. and then sowre i was never drinking again
as usual

fairplay · 20/12/2022 18:44

This really could have been written by me! Hope your day went ok, I decided that everyone was drunk or coked up and will all be feeling a bit embarrassed so went in with my head held high 😁

OooScotland · 20/12/2022 18:45

I used to have shocking levels of self loathing for about a week after drinking when I worked in an office, that’s how alcohol affects some people.

Like others said, don’t discuss it, there’s nothing to discuss, what happened at the office party stays at the office party. I’m sure nobody is thinking about anything you did or didn’t do, especially if they were taking drugs.

And take your medication.

Buffs · 20/12/2022 18:52

Everyone has done that. Forgive yourself. Don’t imagine that you stop making mistakes just because you get older, you can still learn from them though.

Lindos · 20/12/2022 18:54

If most took drugs you have nothing to worry about love!

CiderJolly · 20/12/2022 18:59

You haven’t done a thing wrong and everyone loves the more wild party guests anyway.

Be kind to yourself, you had a laugh and let your hair down so what?!?

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 20/12/2022 19:01

I could tell you soooo many messy Christmas party stories, one company I worked for banned them for a couple of years and then reintroduced them with no alcohol. All because the CEO was hitting in a young receptionist and instead of taking it out on her husband, his wife attacked the poor receptionist. Another company got rid of sick rooms because of some R rated activity in one of them after a Christmas party. The day after one party I arrived at work to find a bra hanging on a light over my desk. We all knew who it belonged too, a married woman who got off with a married man. Other than a few jokes about the bra being mine no one said anything as so many others have done shit themselves in the past.

amispeakingintongues · 20/12/2022 19:10

Oh OP don’t worry please xxx i’ve been in the same position and sang a horrible karaoke rendition in front of all senior staff before realising i needed to need because it was awkward for everyone. Hope it went ok xxx

SusanPerbCallMeSue · 20/12/2022 19:27

I once tried to snog one of the company directors at a Christmas do. I don't even remember. Blush I was told after, and was convinced a colleague was winding me up, but several told me it was so. He was quite a lot older than me, I don't know what I was thinking of, I'd only met him briefly as he worked in the other office.

Then at another Christmas party the company wisely thought a midweek party would be a great idea. The next day I felt awful, but thought I couldn't phone in sick, they'd know I was just hungover. Got to work and half the staff were off with hangovers and the other half were like zombies at their desks. No midweek parties ever again!

maeveiscurious · 20/12/2022 19:49

Alcohol anxiety that's all it is. I was at event recently where I drove , I had anxiety as they were drunk I and we were all talking rubbish. I think sometimes those nights everyone talks crap

BabyDriversMummy · 20/12/2022 19:52

I was smiling and a bit choked reading this.
I remember “Beer Fear”. Trying to piece together memories of a drunken night.

Forget it now. Everyone else already has.
And you’ll be the designated Driver/ sober one next year.

p.s. I remember ‘donkeys years’ ago feeling this way; only to find out after Christmas that I’d missed all sorts of far more interesting drama!!!

Canthave2manycats · 20/12/2022 20:00

I bet they found it funny that the sensible one let her hair down! Says someone who, at a work event (not even Christmas) was sitting next to boss and he helpfully fished the bow on the front of my dress out of my soup...!!! A lot of your colleagues are probably embarrassed at being seen doing drugs, and maybe worried that management will find out? Brazen it out - laugh it off and tell your friend (in a joking way) that if she doesn't shut up you may be forced to kill her and bury her body in the woods!!

DCINightingale · 20/12/2022 20:29

Ah OP I think most of us have been there and know exactly how you were feeling. Well done for getting through the day. It will be old news before long.

IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 20/12/2022 20:42

To make you feel a little better and less alone.
I don't drink on a regular basis. I am a single mum to 4DC although 3 are now adults. DC2 was babysitting DC4 and I went to the staff party. I had a couple of drinks and was a little merry. I then had some food including jelly and trifle. I didn't know both were alcoholic. I thought I was eating the alcohol free version 🤦‍♀️. Anyway, ended up smashed, told my boss what needed to be done better and passed out. My BFF phoned DC1 and I was collected but my DC and his partner. My boss brings this up every year and asks if DCs are on standby 🤣

Killingmytime · 20/12/2022 21:21

fireatthechristmasparty · 20/12/2022 10:41

I've just realised that the young bloke is probably avoiding me because he is embarrassed about dancing with geriatric colleague and not because he is appalled by my behaviour.
I know I am dragging out my own agony but I can't seem to stop myself. It will dull down over the Christmas holidays and there isn't much more to get through this week now.

Op you danced drunkenly with someone, unless you gave them a lap dance then you’ve done nought wrong!
don’t beat yourself up Flowers

AegonT · 20/12/2022 21:27

Does everyone take turns at being the drunk entertaining one at office functions? It was just your turn - chill out.

Redebs · 20/12/2022 22:40

666roses · 19/12/2022 10:26

I have practiced the art of being a complete dick while getting drunk at parties, sorry I can't even score you as you have to do so much better have some tips,

  1. Get your boss to eat a mince pie from your cleavage
  1. Throw up over yourself
  1. Throw up in a colleague's hand bag
  1. Have sex in a public area with someone you have just met
  1. Try to get out of a moving car
  1. Just disappear and no one knows where you have gone and their night is ruined as they were all looking for you
  1. Talk about politics all night as you have nothing else to talk about and you know sod all about politics
  1. Sleep with a co-worker then next year at the party tell everyone how shit that person was in bed while they are sat with you.
  1. Constantly moan about the food, music, drinks then get so drunk they tell everyone that they are not liked and by whom and what people really think of them
  1. Get pregnant and not know who the father is as you slept with 3 co-workers that night.

Disclaimer:I only did number 1, the rest are from people who wish to forget their antic's but I never have 🤣

I have practiced the art of being a complete dick while getting drunk at parties, sorry I can't even score you as you have to do so much better have some tips,

  1. Get your boss to eat a mince pie from your cleavage
  1. Throw up over yourself
  1. Throw up in a colleague's hand bag
  1. Have sex in a public area with someone you have just met
  1. Try to get out of a moving car
  1. Just disappear and no one knows where you have gone and their night is ruined as they were all looking for you
  1. Talk about politics all night as you have nothing else to talk about and you know sod all about politics
  1. Sleep with a co-worker then next year at the party tell everyone how shit that person was in bed while they are sat with you.
  1. Constantly moan about the food, music, drinks then get so drunk they tell everyone that they are not liked and by whom and what people really think of them
  1. Get pregnant and not know who the father is as you slept with 3 co-workers that night.

Disclaimer:I only did number 1, the rest are from people who wish to forget their antic's but I never have 🤣

I keep giggling at these. Especially 5, 7 and 8.
Mostly 5.

Autumn61 · 20/12/2022 23:48

Here’s my hand , grab as light or as tight as you like. On average ( no Mori poll taken here just my totally made up estimate so could be higher, we’re not doing negatives here) , 75% of people who go to Christmas parties drink too much. 👋 . My young joiner ( not as pretentious as it sounds) was out on Sat, he’s not a drinker …. Until Saturday; he vomited down the side of the bar and when he woke up the next morning he still had on his good suit only now covered in vomit. His boss told us and normally I would rip the piss out the young boy ( it’s a two way St.), but not this time. He has major beer fear like you. I only hope he managed to have a brilliant time before the vomitty bit. Maybe this is your chance to come out of your shell. It’s obviously past the return to work day but I would have advised saying, “Guys I know I didn’t kill anyone or sleep with anyone I shouldn’t have( keep them wondering), didn’t take drugs either … wait for this to sink in then continue ..”but I had a ball! “You probably guessed from the fact I got pissed on 2 Baby Guinness that I don’t drink very much, but anyway, thank you all again”. Roll on next time, the more you’re exposed to the evils of demon drink the easier it gets so start practicing over the New Year ❤️

SingleMamaG4 · 20/12/2022 23:52

i feel your pain. I did a similar thing at my works do for Christmas. I felt rough the next morning and couldn’t remember anything. I felt paranoid and on edge. One twit tried to embarrass me the following Monday by laughing about my wrap silk top coming undone slightly and called me a flasher. We laughed and I laughed the loudest
hope it went ok

RaRaRaspoutine · 21/12/2022 09:52

Oh god the beer fear!! Unless you said something wildly racist or whatever, I honestly wouldn't worry.

Justbefair · 21/12/2022 16:42

Please don't beat yourself up about it, we've all done it, a lot more than once! I am sure the only thing anyone thiught was u got drubk, let off some steam, end of! It's only because it's just happened you feel like thus, honestly just let it go, in no time it will be an ancient event in your mind. X

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/12/2022 16:52

Most people will forget…

However, l left a job and my old boss got very drunk, the sort where you trip over and embarrass yourself, female partner in a big accountants. A few colleagues who I was still in touch with told me about it laughing which I did think was a bit mean. She was retiring early though soon after so maybe just didn’t give a shit!

Funnily enough though she could also be a good laugh but was a bit Jekyll and Hyde, one morning she’d be lovely and in the afternoon she’d be horrid, shouting at us all!

Upsidedownagain · 21/12/2022 17:14

I've been there and felt really embarrassed too but everyone else either didn't notice or found it amusing, including my newish boss. TBH I think it gave me a bit of 'street cred' (can't think of a better term at the moment).

I've also been stone cold sober and watched the antics of my colleagues at Christmas parties and have never thought the worse of them.

Even if someone does disapprove, you need to just style it out- it was at a party not during your working time. Laugh at yourself if need be, and so will others.

Lincolnremain · 21/12/2022 19:46

My DP once offered my boss drugs at our Christmas do! That was awful because he wasn't the type!

KettrickenSmiled · 22/12/2022 01:59

Lincolnremain · 21/12/2022 19:46

My DP once offered my boss drugs at our Christmas do! That was awful because he wasn't the type!

What?!
I'm not sniffy (ha!) about what drugs people want to ingest recreationally. But THAT - omg. Could have TOTALLY sabotaged you. What an arse!

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