Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Some people (like myself) are just ultra sensitive to sound - it’s an absolute nightmare, but it’s my issue and I wouldn’t dream of projecting it onto my neighbours.

I bought a detached house to combat it, but still get irate at the sound of passing traffic, people being loud in summertime etc - however I completely accept it’s a ‘me’ problem.

OP you need to keep the neighbour blocked and ignore them.

I myself have ADHD and I can't cope with extraneous noise, but that is things like chatter in the staff room when I'm working, public service announcements (public transport announcing every stop), other stuff going on around me as you say, other people's music and loudness. But I have to deal with that myself. Someone banging a door when they leave the house next door (not that I do that, but if I did) wouldn't bother me.

I think with her, as well as it potentially being a genuine noise sensitivity problem, is that it is her wanting to be in control of others. She would enjoy knowing people would be tippytoeing around because of her. The way she has gone to the neighbours and made passive-aggressive comments about other neighbours is a bit divide-and-conquer! Nobody has fallen for it though.

A banging or slamming door is annoying, but it is something that is over quickly, too - often accidental and not really a source of complaint. I wouldn't complain. I've heard the guy next door leave and shut the door firmly. I'd never think of mentioning it to him. It's not constant noise like playing music or an instrument loudly, having a party or drilling.

Maybe the police have made her think….
But don’t tiptoe around…no one else hears you so it’s very unlikely you are making unreasonable noise.

You must make a real effort to live normally and stop being so aware of your own noise. Even if she can hear you, and even if she recorded you through the wall, that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong or that you should be quieter.
It's totally normal to hear neighbours when you live in close proximity - the council isn't going to prosecute you for normal living noises. You are allowed to play music, put your washing machine on, slam your door on the way out if you want to!

I don't know how it's gotten to this stage tbh - I'd have told her months ago to fuck off invest in either soundproofing or earplugs !

I think you are an absolute nightmare of a neighbour OP.
If you bang doors at 3am it doesn't matter if it's only one or two bangs, you have woken someone up, startled. How on earth can they get back to sleep after that?

Reading your other threads and posts:

• you are going out of your way to make noise just to annoy her. You plan to get someone round just to bang kitchen doors deliberately when you know she will be in trying to relax on a weekend

• you think having ADHD is a good enough reason to be loud and inconsiderate

• you come home late at night, full of drama about relationships and friends, slamming taxi doors on several occasions

• you have six cats and have had friends around to help catch them around your house in the early hours and through the night. There was a lot of noise and drama

• you play your radio very loud and late

• you think your loud lifestyle is resented by your neighbour because 'she's jealous' and 'she's middle-aged' whereas you're a young couple with lots of noisy socialising at night. You think she's jealous of your new car and that's why she's asking you to make less noise in your house at night???

• you badmouth her to other neighbours in the street and insinuate she has mental health problems

• you have called the police and her landlord on her because she asked you to be a bit less inconsiderate in your banging doors at night

Maybe if you just try making less noise and disruption, your 'problem neighbour' issue might cease? Why not give it a go?

Go away and play with your Barbies and stop trolling.

• @Redebs [quote] "you think your loud lifestyle is resented by your neighbour because 'she's jealous' and 'she's middle-aged' whereas you're a young couple with lots of noisy socialising at night. You think she's jealous of your new car and that's why she's asking you to make less noise in your house at night???"

Are you nuts? I am a 42 year old single woman with a classic car that is almost as old as I am. What are you talking about? Have you made that up? Is this a joke post? I've reported it as a trolling wind-up, but do you know, I hope it stays, because you are very, very funny. Have you thought about a career as a comedian? Observational comedy?

OP, I think your neighbour has found your thread

No, she writes in text speak all the time, not as articulate as our joker pal here!!!

I think their advanced search went awry and they thought you were the OP of a thread you commented on..

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4758810-neighbour?page=1

Thanks! Their reply cannot, to paraphrase the immortal words of John McEnroe, be serious!

Though the post from @Redebs is clearly a joke, it's rather bad taste to pick on someone's ADHD and make fun of that.

Ah, yes, apologies for confusing you with Nicola.
But what about your other shenanigans? The cats, the late night banging, the loud music, the getting a guy round to bang around in the kitchen?
Apologies if they weren't you either. 🤔
But I still think you may be making more noise than you realise.

OMG, just the thought of it! 😖😫

No, I think you have me confused with someone else.

Serious question though. How is dealing with seriously ill animals at risk of toxicity "shenanigans"?

@Redebs

Are you referring to the below as the 'shenanigans' with cats? How would you have preferred OP to have handled this? To have allowed her cats to get sicker / die so as not to disturb the neighbours (in fact they didn't shout or slam any doors anyway)? What would your alternative solution have been?

My friend came over to help me with them and lend me cat carriers (I normally use a mobile vet so only have two carriers). This was 11pm. My friend pulled up outside and came in, wrestled with the moggies and ferried them to the car. We had to make some normal noise but didn't shout or slam any doors. We were two hours at the vet.

But my NDN was at the landing window pulling back the curtains when we set off. She goes to bed about 8pm so clearly this had woken her up. We did not make a racket but we had open and close the door a few times.

She defo sounds like she has some issues! Hopefully she’ll move out 🤞🏻

I think she's got some noise sensitivity but that's mixed with being nosey and intrusive as well.

I have noise sensitivity, but it’s the very personal storytelling as well, do you think she may be on the spectrum?

I don't know. She's not got much filter.

Her name isn’t April by any chance is it? She sounds a lot like a neighbour one of my friends had…

What 50 year old goes to bed at 8pm?!
That is crazy….

No, it's not but my cat's name is April! Her name is often sung at football matches.

Oooooo spooky! Footballs the wrong shape ball for me so I’m unaware of songs haha