Can't cope with constant intrusion by new neighbour

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

Earlier thread below for context and latest missive from neighbour.

I was not feeling well yesterday and went to bed. When I got up I went out to a friend's house to watch Strictly, a film and chat. I left 2.30am and had to scrape the windscreen. Home in the wee small hours and went to bed.

Neighbour had texted me saying she'd come to ask me to move my car because it was in the way. It wasn't and as I went out it was immaterial anyway.

Today I get another text from her about me allegedly banging my door. I do not slam doors. I arrived home in the early hours and closed the door of course but I don't slam it.

She told me when she moved in that her neighbours slammed the doors. It's odd that the common denominator is her.

I've lived here for years and since she moved here in September I'm anxious all the time.

I think she thrives on attention so I'm not replying to her.

Apart from being considerate with noise what would you do?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4661796-next-door-neighbour-and-normal-volume-of-household-noise-sorry-a-bit-of-a-saga?page=5&reply=122372236

Yes but you don't seem to be doing anything about it. How long has this saga been going on for now? This must be the second or third thread now. I mean if you're not going to do anything about it then it's a bit pointless complaining about how she won't leave you alone. She's been harassing you since she moved in but you pretty much ignored most of the advice you were given, wouldn't block her, wouldn't go to the police and then when you did eventually go to the police you changed your mind and didn't want them to put a stop to it. Maybe if you stopped being so wooly about it and stopped giving her the wrong message about you she might stop doing it. The fact you have let this go on for so long and still didn't block her when it was obvious she had a screw loose and wouldn't get the police to tell her to back off and stop harassing you makes me wonder if you might be getting something out of the drama yourself to be honest. Just deal with it and stop messing about. No wonder she thinks she can walk all over you. People treat you the way you allow them to treat you and reading your threads it looks like you have been teaching her how to treat you for a very long time now. She's only continuing this because you're tolerating it. Stop tolerating it and teach her differently and get the police on her doorstep this week telling her in no uncertain terms that if her harassment doesn't stop you'll be taking action against her.

@JoyBeorge I didn't ignore advice. I did block her, which is why she resorted to stuffing notes through the letterbox. I don't engage with her at all.

I'm getting NOTHING out of the "drama", thanks. The most "drama" I create about this is updating this thread. With a full time very demanding job, a part time business and a hectic life outside all of those, I am hardly in the house. The earliest I have got home this week has been 8.45pm and she's in bed for 8, so I never see her. I don't need to create "drama" to make life exciting, it's busy enough and I get all the "attention" I need, thanks.

I don't tolerate it. I choose to ignore it and not give her the oxygen of publicity. I thought ignoring her would piss her off even more. I do, however, keep all the notes she's sent in case something actually bigtime kicks off further down the line, which it probably will with the family on the other side of her who she has started on also. They too are completely ignoring her for now.

I also didn't change my mind about the police. They didn't keep the appointment, and I had so much on over Christmas and New Year and then going on holiday, and she had backed off anyway (apart from bizarrely messaging me that my car was in the way when I was on holiday WITH MY CAR), that I let it go as she hadn't bothered me at all.

One of my clients is a police officer, though, and she's kept aware of it and has all the evidence if I really need to escalate it.

This morning she opened her landing window and shouted at me. I'd pushed the door shut with my arse as I had several bags and as her car wasn't there presumed she was out. It would have made a noise, granted. Once only.

She went on and on about me constantly making noise for the six months she's lived there and nobody else is noisy only me. She's apparently had her landlord round to listen to the noise.

I told her to report through the official channels if she has problems and she said no she's gone to the horse's mouth and slammed the window.

Waiting for a call back from the police.

You did say you had cancelled a previous visit from the police ( although you said they failed to show on a different thread ) .
So hopefully they have a record of when you last spoke to them and can add this to the file .
I would however contact her landlord yourself and present them with all the notes and diary of there tenants harassing you .

I think you've done the right thing contacting the police, this is harrassement. I've occasionally slammed the door by accident, our neighbours have as well, it happens sometimes. But if you live near others you have to be aware that there will be noises of general living. We can hear kids out playing, music, my neighbour works shifts so sometimes gets home early I wouldn't dream of moaning about the car noise.

She's just lying in wait for any sound.
Awful to have to live like this.

It's got to the stage I'm terrified to get up in the night for a wee.

She's telling me her landlord and her friend have both heard me slamming around. Also that she never hears the people on the other side when I know she's had a go at them twice.

I would go and knock at the house the other side of her. Tell them what just happened and ask if maybe you could speak to the police together. If it’s both sides she’s hassling they are more likely to take it seriously.

I would also suggest you both contact her landlord. This is batshit behaviour that is bordering on stalking and the landlord needs to know he’s got a problem tenant. Point out the odd behaviour such as your car making a noise when it wasn’t even there!

I really think you need to follow through with the police this time. Leaning out of a window and shouting at you is not on. My neighbour takes her partner to work at 5am and her diesel car wakes me up. Do I get up and shout? No I don’t, I turn over and go back to sleep. It’s normal behaviour and she chose to live in a terraced house. A visit from the police will do her the world of good…

@MinnieGirl I'm going to do this and also speak to the man on the other side of my house to see if he thinks I'm noisy.

Police appointment on Thursday

Just a thought about this - would you contact her landlord? I see someone advised me to do that, and so did another neighbour who overheard the shouting at me and messaged me to see if I was OK. I'm afraid of stirring up more trouble, but as my other friend pointed out, if she reports me for noise nuisance that could affect the landlord wanting to sell the property in the future.

I've found out where the landlord lives (walking distance from my house) and know him and his wife well enough to have a chat (his daughter and my friend know one another). But I am afraid of it backfiring.

Well now…. Didn’t your batshit neighbour state that her landlord had been round and heard your noise? I think that gives you a perfect excuse to talk to them…

Go and knock on the door, as you know them. Tell them that their tenant seems to have taken against your daily living activities, which everyone else in the street seems to find perfectly normal. But that you don’t want to fall out with them (the landlords) as you’ve always had a decent relationship with previous tenants, and have tried to be a considerate neighbour. However, batshit neighbour has now shouted out of her window for the whole street to hear that you (landlord) have been in her property and witnessed the loud noise. As you have contacted the police regarding this constant harassment you felt that you ought to have a conversation, as you have found that some of her accusations are untrue, such as your car noise when your car wasn’t there and you were away.

I would also add that she has been hassling neighbours the other side and across the street and has accosted your visitor. And that you have photographs of all her notes detailing your alleged behaviour, which will be given to the police.

I would be very surprised if the landlord had any issues with you, and hopefully you updating him will encourage him to get rid of her.

Go and see him today before the police visit her. Preemptive strike!

What do you mean - backfiring?

You have a problem with an overbearing & intrusive neighbour.
And yet again, here you still are, refusing to take entirely appropriate action to deal with it.

It's insane to be worried about stirring up more trouble.
That's like letting the school bully take your lunch money every day, in case it causes trouble to say no & alert the appropriate staff. You already got trouble - how is sticking your head in the sand going to help you?

Yes contact the landlord, explain the situation and say you have no choice but to escalate it to the police.

@MinnieGirl Yes I am going to do this. Thanks and to you @KettrickenSmiled - I am not sure what repercussions there may be, but I have to do something about it as you all suggest.

Repercussions, schmussions.

If you do nothing, she will continue to bully you.
If you take action, she will be dealt with by an appropriate third party, & either learn to wind her neck in, or be evicted.

This….

Doing nothing just enables her. She has to learn that it is not acceptable to harass your neighbours constantly for the slightest noise.

Didn't your noise averse neighbour say that her tenancy was up for review at the end of the summer? Was that Summer 2022 or '23?

If it is due up for review in a few months time, this is the opportune moment for you to have a chat with the landlord there @ImJustMadAboutSaffron. You need to set out your stall that you're just letting them know what has been going on, that you're not going to change how you live in your house, some noise is to be expected but as it's not normal to live in silence (as per A Quiet Place movie) you're not going to live in silence. You will firmly close your front door if needs be, you will have your tv on at a volume that you can hear without straining to hear it and you will have conversations (not loud ones) out on the street if you want to.
If their tenant cannot cope with this level of noise, they would probably be better off living in some sort of fully detached property or remote farm so that they only had the agricultural noises to keep them company.
I would mention that the police have been involved on a couple of occasions but that you're not reporting the neighbour, it's the other way around.

Strike while the iron is hot!

I can have a teeeeeny amount of sympathy with your neighbour as I’ve had noisy (and anti-social) neighbours in the past and it was hell. On one occasion I had to move out for a while. It makes you utterly on edge for noise starting up again and it made me il.

HOWEVER. I know I’m paranoid about noise now and I have a firm word with myself when I know I’m being barmy. I have various coping strategies (day time: go out, night time: earphones and background noise) because it’s my issue to deal with.

Your neighbour is absolutely batshit because she wants to control all the noise around her so it’s exactly as she wants. The world doesn’t work like that, particularly when you live in a terraced house. Whatever she wants, it will never be enough.

I would follow up with the police (assuming they turn up this time!) and definitely talk to the landlord. Set it all out factually but include everything like the things being dumped in your bin or your bin being put out for you. Tell the landlord that the behaviour of his tenant constitutes harassment, there is now police involvement and please can he tell her to leave you alone. You never know, he might be desperate to get rid of her (you can bet your bottom dollar she’s the sort of tenant that complains about lightbulbs having gone or the windows needing to be cleaned…) and you’ll be doing him a favour by giving him further ammunition.

Hopefully the police can also put a shot across her bows. I would also get a camera or a Ring doorbell to record any further antics of hers.

Thanks all of you. This afternoon I have:

a) reported my own property to the council as a noise nuisance. The online form is to report noisy neighbours, well I have put my own address in, and given them a summary of what she is doing. Basically getting in first. If they decide to inconvenience her with noise registering equipment, then tough turnips.
b) spoken to my NDN on the other side who has confirmed he has heard nothing except normal household sounds (with an eyeroll when he realised who I was talking about).
c) spoken to the man on the other side of her, who told me last week she had complained, and that I am escalating it and that they may ask him. His wife had to confront my NDN because of passive aggressive comments about uncontrolled children. He says she is just a busybody.
d) started a chronology ready to show to the police and probably the NDN's landlord.

My next step is to contact the landlord, which I am thinking I will do in writing, on the lines of what @MinnieGirl said, that as his name has been invoked, we now need to have a conversation.

@BrightYellowDaffodil I know what you mean, but I am on edge all the time and panicky about what she's going to moan about next, or keep a list of "Saffron has been crashing around the house" when all I am doing is vacuuming (which I am starting in about 5 mins) and moving chairs and the sofa to do so.

She's told absolutely anyone who will listen that she moved here to be quiet because her last neighbours were all Neighbours From Hell.

Bet it was her thrown out of he last property for being a dick neighbour
.

I would have a chat with the landlord because she has told you he has heard your excess noise.

I too think she was removed from her last property because she was the nightmare neighbour! As soon as you posted that she had neighbours from hell previously that was my first thought.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron please don’t think I’m excusing her behaviour - I’m absolutely not. She’s dumped her anxiety on you and that’s a shit thing for her to have done. She’s clearly an absolute loon, even at my most anxious moments I wouldn't have dreamed of doing what she’s doing!

I've made a chronology of events ready for contacting the landlord.

Have the police been round yet?