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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleeping arrangements - fair?

288 replies

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 10:01

One week stay, is this fair:
Room1 DH and me
Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms?
The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day.

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 17/12/2022 10:04

Is this in your house or a holiday home? I think it’s fine

Whataretheodds · 17/12/2022 10:05

It does seem a bit mean, yes.

Is this someone's house or have you rented it for an occasion?

Are there any sofa beds in living space?

9 years is old enough to know that if you wake up you have to be quiet (read quietly in bed or go into the living room and watch tv quietly) until others are ready to wake up.

Mouthfulofquiz · 17/12/2022 10:05

Also, does everyone have a bed or are some people sleeping on the floor etc? I guess that makes a difference.

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 17/12/2022 10:05

So you and your DH get a room to yourselves but the other parents have to share with their children?

Ohtheweatheroutsideistoocold · 17/12/2022 10:05

Is this in your house or is this a cottage you are renting away somewhere?

If its in your house and you are hosting that many people for a week, your sil should be grateful you have 6 rooms to put people up I'm and she's not sharing with more people!

If you are renting then it is unfair you and your dh get a separate room away from your 2 children and your sil has to share with her 2 children

Whataretheodds · 17/12/2022 10:06

(ie, one child shouldn't need to wake the others, your children shouldn't need to wake you)

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 17/12/2022 10:06

I think it's a bit mean, yes.

Changingplace · 17/12/2022 10:07

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

Why should your mum have kids in with her rather than SIL?

No, I think your suggestion is the best solution if you don’t want to put all the kids in together which would be the only other solution imo.

Reindear · 17/12/2022 10:08

If you’re all paying the same then it seems a bit harsh that sil has to share with her 2 kids but you and dh get your own room and your 2 kids get their own room

Funkyslippers · 17/12/2022 10:08

SIL would have to get up with her youngest anyway so I don't see the problem

Mouthfulofquiz · 17/12/2022 10:09

A bit off of your SIL to suggest putting your child in with your mum though!

you could put all the kids bar the 3yo in together and set out some clear expectations of what to do in the morning.
3yo should share with his / her mum?

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 17/12/2022 10:09

Wouldn’t your Mum and Sister share, so there would be room 2 for the two boys and room 5 for the two girls? Sharing with an adult is much better than sharing with a child.

Changingplace · 17/12/2022 10:09

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 17/12/2022 10:05

So you and your DH get a room to yourselves but the other parents have to share with their children?

It assumed it was the OPs house, but actually if it’s a rented holiday home that’s true it’s not fair they’d get their own room. (I take back my previous post!)

Stompythedinosaur · 17/12/2022 10:09

If it is your house then it looks fine.

If it is a shared holiday cottage then you are clearly getting a better deal than the other families by not sharing with your dc.

WillTryNotToBeGrumpy · 17/12/2022 10:11

Your house? Fine.

Holiday house? The sort of arrangement that my sister would think was fair. It isn't.

Stompythedinosaur · 17/12/2022 10:12

Assuming a rented cottage, I would definitely be suggesting the sis with the 3yo share with them, the other sis shares with your dm, then there's a room for the two boys and a room for the two girls.

Unless there's a room big enough to chuck all the dc in together (except the 3yo).

MusicstillonMTV · 17/12/2022 10:13

I would have thought your mum and sister sharing would make most sense - then frees up a bedroom either for 10yo DD and 9 yoDS so SIL just has the 3 yo or for SIL's kids to share

user1496146479 · 17/12/2022 10:14

CheeseIsMyPatronus · 17/12/2022 10:05

So you and your DH get a room to yourselves but the other parents have to share with their children?

My thoughts too. But does depend on whose house & who is paying I guess too

Henrybee · 17/12/2022 10:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 17/12/2022 10:17

Or your sil could share with your mother...

I think expecting your mother to share with a child so that your sil gets a room to herself is unfair. Overall, not brilliant but your arrangements seem the fairest, particularly as sil's youngest will wake up early so she needs to make sure he doesn't disturb anyone else. She can't do that if he's sharing a room with someone else.

MusicstillonMTV · 17/12/2022 10:17

You could also free up a room by one of yours going in with you and one with your mum

But yes it does seem very unfair to your SIL that she is sharing with both of her kids but you and your DH and your mum get rooms to yourselves

W0tnow · 17/12/2022 10:18

I’d ask the kids. All of mine loved sleeping with nana. And my son loved sharing with his cousin.

RitaSueandBobtwo · 17/12/2022 10:19

So assume its a rented house and also assume that the GP’s are perhaps treating you all and your sis and SIL have no partners staying?

If a rented property your family are taking up two rooms yet other families all only have one room. If all paying individually unless SIL has the nicest/biggest room I would expect you to be paying a lot more for the luxury of your family having two rooms and the other families all having to share one room. But whilst these sorts of things can be fun for a short time and work well but also could be a nightmare if kids are raised differently, parents have different parenting styles and ideas and kids have different sleep patterns etc etc.

Henrybee · 17/12/2022 10:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 17/12/2022 10:22

Holiday house, all rooms are similar (no ensuite).
All rooms have a double bed + some have a pull up couch in addition.

I hear the argument « you and your DH get a room to yourselves but the other parents have to share with their children » but we are the only family unit with 2 parents coming, if it were just me I wouldn’t mind sharing with my children.

OP posts: