Sleeping arrangements - fair?

[LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee]

One week stay, is this fair:
Room1 DH and me
Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms?
The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day.

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

Can I just say, as the adult in this scenario who is on her own with children, I get really, really fed up at not being treated the same as the adults who have a partner. Your sister and SIL will presumably be 100% responsible for their child/children (I’m sure you’ll all help, but still). You will be 50% responsible. It is so exhausting being a lone parent.

I also don’t think it’s fair that your family have two rooms and the other two families have one.

Can’t the kids all share?
This arrangement seems very centred on your own family of four.
I’m a single mum, and it’s really hard when you’re always an afterthought in families and friends because the couples take precedence.
It always costs more to do things (proportionately) and you generally get the worst room or least agreeable offer.

I’m treated as a family when it suits the couple - eg dividing up the bill (so as a single adult I pay the same as a couple).

🙄 consensus seem to be to mix the children from different families, even though not my original idea.
I would really want to avoid having my DS and SIL’s DS together, it is just a recipe for disaster. Any configuration where these two don’t share?
And my mum can share with any of my children or with my sister’s DD.

I’m reading through answers as I post, apologies if someone suggested something like this already.

@Candleabra this this and this

If this was my extended family, the kids would end up.chopping and changing during the week anyway. And they would definite all wake each other up regardless of who slept where! Sounds like a lovely family event so I would just be thankful for the generous relative, the (seemingly) harmonious relationships and chill out a bit x

Would it make SIL happy if you slept with daughter and your husband with son?

What bed arrangements will the sister in law’s children have to sleep on? It’s not fair to have three people in one bed.

you, your DH and your son, your mum and your dd, your sil and her dd, her ds gets a room to himself

there is stil a combination of 3 to a room and a single, but your sil isn't paying single parent tax

Any configuration where these two don’t share?

Your 8yo son with your mum, sil's 3yo with your daughter.

The most logical set up is:

Room 1 DH and OP
Room 2 DS9 and DS8
Room 3 MIL and FIL
Room 4 Mum and Sister
Room 5 DD10 & DD8
Room 6 SIL and DD3

That way all the adults have rooms with adults so not being disturbed by kids (except SIL who would have to be up with the 3yo anyway) and the kids are all old enough to know that if they wake up early then they don't wake the other children and if any kids get up early they know not to wake the adults (unless an emergency)

If your mum doesn't want to share with your sister but is happy to share with one of the children then the next best thing is:

Room 1 DH and me
Room 2 DS8 and DS9
Room 3 MIL and FIL
Room 4 Mum and DD8
Room 5 Sister and DD10
Room 6 SIL and DD3

That way, again, there's only two per room and is fairest.

Just mix the kids up, if the other kids are up and making noise at 6:30/7 they'll wake up anyway...

I didn’t think it was relevant but the offer of the accommodation was made to me from a close relative on my mum’s side. So in a sense my mum and I are organizing, but there is no « who pays what for each room ».

There are no tensions between anybody, and whatever we decide I am sure people will be gracious. We are just trying to think what makes the most sense.

Kindly, I think you’d be best relaxing
about the kids sleep and mixing them up a bit.

if the disruption is too much then maybe sharing accommodation isn’t right for you.

I agree with the comments about single parent tax, been there and it’s crap, either treated as less relevant or equally so depending on which way the £ swings.

Can you give SIL a room that has a sofa bed- in that scenario it would be fine for them to share if the 9 year old had his own bed. I think it is reasonable to want the kids to sleep well - it will make the holiday more enjoyable for everyone. Last thing you want on holiday with so many people is ratty kids

Could you share with your mum @LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee and tour DP share with SILs DS?

As surprising as it sounds, this could work!
Added benefit, the DC would have a room
of their own to fall asleep which is a big bonus.

If this is a Christmas holiday are you really expecting kids to stick to normal bedtimes???
The option of your sister sharing with your mum and the boys having one room and girls the other makes the most sense.

Won't the kids want to share anyway?

It's a holiday - rules relax....

I think it's unfair that your sister in law has three people in the room is there space for three of them? I think your sister in law's suggestion is good. That way there is no more than 2 in each room I'm sure the nine year old could come down stairs alone if asked . But being woken at 6 or seven isn't really unreasonable or too early when you have children is it?

This was my original idea. I was never planning on having SIL share a bed with her two DC.

All rooms are really nice, similar size and have beds for 3 adults.

Does seem a bit much that you and DH get your own room but the other parents have to share with their kids. And not sure that being a single parent makes them less worth of their own slace, or their children of theirs.

Equally, SIL’s youngest definitely shouldn’t be in with your Mum. That ridiculous.

Would SIL prefer to share with your sister in twins? Then you could have the boys together, and the girls together?

You really need one more room I think to make it work well.

I think that if you are the ones who don't want to put the dc in together then it is your responsibility to have your dc in your room. Bring an extra airbed if you need.

I think your dc will clearly be woken up early anyway, but there are a lot of adults to take turns in occupying the dc as a group in the early morning (or all except the 3yo are probably able to get their own breakfast and occupy themselves, surely?)

The single parents with early waking dc are more in need of a restful break!

Scratch mine this is

Room 1 DH and OP
Room 2 DS9 and DS8
Room 3 MIL and FIL
Room 4 Mum and Sister
Room 5 DD10 & DD8
Room 6 SIL and DD3