Sleeping arrangements - fair?

[LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee]

One week stay, is this fair:
Room1 DH and me
Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms?
The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day.

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

*important

What do you children think about it? If they are close to their cousins they will probably enjoy sharing rooms and probably wake up earlier regardless if somewhere different and hearing others up in the house. Sharing with so many others will definitely change all your usual routines anyway.

I’d possibly put both 8 year olds and 9 year old in together. However I’d leave 3 year old with SIL so probably won’t make much difference is she shares with one or two of her own DC

I wouldn't like to share with a random child, so I don't think it is right to suggest SIL's son shares a room with OP's mum. DS at that age was wanting his privacy and he wouldn't want to share with a random woman either.

If you do this it would make it more even as you and your DH will not be getting "a room to yourselves" and you'd avoid the early wake ups:

Room1 DH and DC boy
Room2 You and DC girl
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

To recap, @LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee , the two people making the arrangements are you and your mum... coincidentally they have only child-free rooms.

Your Sister and SIL are definitely getting hit with the Single Parent Tax, and you're being a princess if you expect to lie in bed until 11 when on holiday with 5 children.

Sleep is important to single parents just as much (probably more) than couples.

Unclench a bit about the DC's sleep patterns. They will be fucked on holiday anyway. And at Christmas, even more so.

So much more fun for the children to share

I disagree - I would manage to share with one of my kids but both would be substantially more annoying. They will have different bedtimes with that age gap and if one wakes up early, the other is then up (which the OP should understand as a reason)

Having thought about it more - I think the only option which satisfies everyone's preferences is the OP's DS sharing with the OP and DH and the OP's DD going in with her mum

I think that arrangement is fine. I dont understand the outrage at people having to share a room with THEIR OWN kids. I have often done it over the years with mine as a single parent. People be strange.

Looking at it from the SIL pov. I'd be thinking that I'd be woken at 6-7 and then have 2 hours of trying to keep them quiet on my own because otherwise OP will moan about being woken/children being woken too early.

So not only will she be woken early and not have any adult company, but she'll be trying to keep her children quiet as well-and potentially watching the two 8yos too if they're woken early and OP isn't up.

Does everyone know the sleeping arrangements?

Has anyone had a strop/objection yet?

If yes, cancel the trip. I couldn't last a week with anyone who has a hissy fit about such an insignificant thing in the big scheme of it. There would be more to come in that case.

It's fair so long as you all pay by room. So you pay twice a such as SIL.
SILs plan means that she, a parent, gets a room to herself while your mother, not a parent, has to share with a child. Which is not fair.

I would hope that regardless of sleeping arrangements that she would be keeping her children quiet if they get up at 6-7am. It would be completely unreasonable to allow them to wake everyone else up at that hour of the morning. And yes, it is ridiculously early for lots of people.

Why is SIL “selfish” for not wanting her DCs in with her but OP isn’t just as selfish for not putting hers in with her? Why couldn’t OP have her DCs in her room and then SIL’s DCs could have the room from OP’a DC’s and DM still has her own room.

OP is refusing to compromise on any of her desires and labelling everyone else’s requests as impossible because she doesn’t seem to realise that it’s just as reasonable for her to not get her way as for others to not get their way.

If you’re so against “selfish” SIL putting DCs in with DM then the set up should be:

• OP, DH, DCs
• PILs
• DM
• SIL
• SIL’s DCs
• DSis

This set-up meets every single one of OP’s criteria and every single one of SIL’s criteria and every single one of DM’s criteria. But it expects OP to do what she’s expecting SIL to do - funny how it’s not acceptable when the shoe is on the other foot?

The original arrangement sounds fine to me. I'm a single parent and always shared a room with my kids on holiday (and a small tent on a number of occasions!) I don't see what the issue is tbh. Mine always slept better with me in the room if we were staying somewhere. It's not like SiL has to go to bed when they do. 9 year old is old enough to be told to stay bed and play in iPad with headphones or whatever if he wakes up early.

You obviously haven't read the op's updates then...

If I was on holiday with people who had long sleep patterns I would expect you all to share a room as it would keep you all cocooned and sleepy together. There's a chance if your DCs have their own room, their cousins will disturb them either way. There's less of a chance of being disturbed if an adult tells them to entertain themselves at 6am and you're bunked up together- air bed?

Have you done this before as a big family? It's a lot of people on different patterns at a stressful time of year. I'm sure you all get on but the set up seems risky. Propose as many options as possible. Good luck OP.

It’s not rocket science. Some people really struggle with a lack of sleep, it makes them irritable and causes physical pain and ruins their daytime and nighttime. Some children are disruptive to sleep with, they move or wake up etc. Do you really lack the capacity to realise that people who need sufficient sleep in order to not be miserable don’t want their sleep disrupted whilst other people get a blissful adults-only bedroom simply because they happen to be a single parent? Come off it, it’s not like quantum theory, it’s basic common sense.

Threads like this make me relieved that I’m not a single parent. My mum actually had a friend (who really was just a friend) called “Date Chris” who she took on dates or to stuff like this to stop being treated as lesser just for being single.

@MargaretThursday I agree with this. If DCs are self sufficient then it's fine. Otherwise, it will be a lot of lonely mornings for a parent.

I have. Her faux “surprise” at the concept of sharing with her own child and saying it could work but then continuing to look for an alternative instead of actually accepting the idea pretty clearly shows she’s not willing to actually do it.

Do the cousins all generally get on well? If so and they'd like to share then I think you just need to say to them that you're all trusting them to be quiet and sensible and if they're not then the sleeping arrangements will be changed.
It's the holidays. It doesn't matter if they're up a bit later/earlier.

I think you and your DH should share with your own DC's as you are the family that seem to be long sleepers and don't want to be disturbed. Then the rest of the house can get on with it with their kids sharing.

I think all DC should share. However, probably hard to implement but would try to state that they don’t fight if possible remember they’re sharing etc so not to wake others up or stop them getting to sleep.

I’m sure me and DB slept this way in one room with 2 kids of same age (our best friends) at Easter etc and they’re old enough to know to behave.

I don’t see the issue tbh. Both couples are sharing a room, you and DH as well as MIL and FIL. The parent - child combos are sharing. Why do you need to split and share with a child? On principle?