Sleeping arrangements - fair?

[LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee]

One week stay, is this fair:
Room1 DH and me
Room2 Our two DC (8yo boy/girl)
Room3 MIL and FIL
Room4 My mum
Room5 Sister and her 10yo DD
Room6 SIL, her 9yo DS and 3yo DD

Not great for SIL but am not sure how else we could split the rooms?
The DC all have different sleep patterns so not keen to mix families. Selfishly, our two sleep easily until 8-9am whereas SIL’s 9yo is awake at 6-7 so if he shares with our children they will all wake up early, wake us up and we will all be grumpy for the day.

SIL is saying that my DD could sleep with my mum and then her son could sleep with my son.
Am I really mean for saying no?

The more this thread goes on, the more I think it needs to be a wing it and see. Chuck the older kids between 2 rooms and if it's just one crap day ofa grumpy DS and you can have the original layout.

I think it sounds fine since SIL would have two beds. So she can put children in one and sleep in the other or whatever works for her.
I don't understand the issue with single parents staying with their children. I'd much rather do that than share a room with my mum or, even worse, someone unrelated to me.
One thing I suggest is asking your children if they'd like to share with any cousins. If they're close that might be fun for them. But I appreciate that you want to get as much sleep as you can because as an organiser you'll be very busy.

The op says one of the cousins is inappropriate with her female child so it isn't fair to put them together.

Your original plan sounds like the best to me. I don’t understand why SIL can’t share with her kids. Does she not like them?

its understandable that you’d like a room with just your husband and a room for your children but yes it is a bit unfair. Adults in couples get their own rooms but singles have to share with their children? And on a sofa bed which are not very comfy! I’d do as SIL has suggested. Everyone will have a proper bed and each room has 2 people in it. Make sure you have the room with the sofa bed in case your son doesn’t sleep
and then he can move in with you. He’s unlikely to sleep in late in a room with his sister if the other children are up. The children usually really enjoy sharing with wider family in this sort of scenario

Neither is 6-7 early for 3-9 years olds. And basing the arrangements around needing your sleep is unfair IMO. Just get to bed a bit earlier, it's only a week!

We are not close but we get on well. Different parenting and lifestyle but we get along, can have a laugh. We had her stay at ours for a week earlier this year, we stayed at her another year. We never had a fight, I should add, even when staying in a family house for Christmas with children.

I just reread your initial post. Your SIL is an entitled twat. She just wants to be rid of her kids ffs

I suspect most those saying you are controlling/precious don't have kids that react badly to lack of sleep. My eldest was a nightmare if he didn't get enough sleep so I always ensured arrangements minimised the chance of that happening. Doing that ensures a much more enjoyable break for everyone, not just you and your dc.

After reading all your thoughts I have reached a conclusion. I will propose that we start with DS and DNephew together and DD either with us or my mum (who said she is absolutely fine with the idea) but if DS is overtired and gets annoying his cousin will move to SIL’s room for a few nights.
thanks for all your contributions :)

Now who gets the room with a TV?
just joking 😁

If it doesn't work, you will struggle to get SIL to agree to change the arrangement. She's shown her colours, she wants a free holiday where everyone else deals with her children.

The reason people don’t want to share with children is the different bed times/ wake up times. You disturb them going to bed and can’t put the light on/ read a book/ scroll phone or whatever down time. No private space. It’s the same for couples
and singles. Yes sometimes it has to be so but a bit ridiculous to suggest that it’s at all unreasonable to prefer it, or insinuate that it must be because SIL doesn’t like her children

I wouldn't do that OP, it'll become the settled situation and you'll be the unreasonable one for changing it.

How so she’d still be sharing with the 3 year old. Perhaps she’s suggested the boys sharing as they are similar age and would probably like to. And it means her son gets a proper bed

Honestly she won’t be able to not acknowledge my son being overtired, it will be annoying for her as well.
She is a reasonable woman, definitely not a CF, and one advantage of not being that close is that we still keep this level of politeness where if one asks for something the other one might try to make an other suggestion but will oblige at the end. Really, no drama to be expected.

The SIL will have her own reasons. As someone who hates sharing with her kids, my reasons are:

My 6 year old snores and talks in his sleep. He sleeps till 7 and is grumpy if woken earlier

My 3 year old is ok in his own bed if in another room but if in the same room as me climbs in with me, takes up the whole bed (I don't understand how but even a king size bed) and rotates through the night kicking a different but of me every time he moves. He also sings in his sleep. He wakes up around 6 which is annoying for the 6 year old.

I can live with it for a night or two and can also live with it if it's just one of them but the combination drives me mad.

A week of it and, no, I wouldn't like them very much

Would you ever consider tweaking bedtime so he goes to bed earlier?

I suspect her children go to bed early and yours are up for a couple of hours

You don't have anyone sleeping in the sitting room? Surely the children would be fine in there with some camping mattresses. I have fond memories of doing this as a kid with visiting families and their pets… 6 of us (humans) (+ two dogs and a cat) in the sitting room with sleeping bags on the floor and on the sofa.

Not even, our DC go to bed at the same time usually, DS just takes ages to fall asleep (even on his own at home).

Putting the children in the living room rules that out for adult socializing. What do the grown ups do when the kids have gone to bed?

This x100. You will never get that kid back into her room if you don't begin with her and her kids together. She's hoping for a break from parenting.

I think you were probably misguided, however kindly you meant it, to invite her at all.

Well in my day they were probably sitting at the kitchen table smoking and playing cards. 😄

And I’m guessing he doesn’t lie quietly counting sheep?