"You'll just have to get on with it"

[sofedupofthisshit]

Said to me this morning by "D" P as he left for work, whilst I was sobbing and upset due to the room literally spinning whilst I wretched over a bucket, faced with the prospect of caring for our toddler all day by myself when feeling rough as hell with covid. I even said to him I'm anxious I might pass out whilst caring for her, I feel that unwell.

I get that he can't stay home from work to help. But for the love of god would a bit of empathy have killed him?! Something like "I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad, I wish I was around today to help" etc. Why is he so cold and uncaring? Anyone else have partners who say shit like this?

Any I literally do "get on with it". All the time (he works a lot, long hours, weekends etc). All I ever do I get on with it. I have a few health conditions and they flare up frequently. I just get on with it each time while he's at work. But this time, I really do feel horrendous and just needed more from him than .... well, being told to get on with it.

AIBU?

It's really hard to follow your posts as they're so strangely written but I'll try and make sense of them. No-one calls a person who works from home a SAHP except you, so I don't believe you meant that, you just got caught out in your prejudice and tried to dodge it.

The stuff about single parents making arrangements is irrelevant as the OP didn't expect her husband to stay home, so it's just a straw man. Soldiering on is something you do because you have to. It doesn't mean that that is what you should expect if you have a partner. If that's what you expect then you have a very low bar. People with very low bars shouldn't be giving advice to anyone and should just be soldiering on with their own lives and martyring themselves.

To use your writing style as it obviously makes sense to you 🤪, it is wrong to say it is wrong to suggest that a partner is wrong to have a different response. And how would you even question whether it's okay to take comfort in empathic responses? Weird that you'd even think to make a judgement about that.

I would question the point that someone who doesn't show compassion to their partner is loving and caring. Looking for empathy from your partner does not reflect on your independence and capability as you imply by drawing a distinction between those people and those who look for compassion in their partners. The OP sounds perfectly capable, having a good job that pays better than her husband AND managing the home and the childcare.

The guff about staying because you want to be is also irrelevant to the OP and just seems to be about you and your stuff.

OP you're absolutely right and don't be influenced by those people in this thread who seemed to be egging you on to put up with unkindness, possibly because they are similarly cold themselves.

@KnobbyKnobson I can't really be bothered to engage with you as you are clearly not able to discuss anything without resorting to abusive comments.
However, if you think what I've posted is so incorrect, take it up with Autism.org, as I pasted info from their website. This states clearly that people with Asperger's can find social interaction hard and also although they may feel empathy, they can find it harder to show it.

It was completely relevant to the OP's H's behaviour and his background, from what she said.

If you disagree, fine, but if you want to ignore 'professional websites' like Autism.org, maybe just stop and think how that makes you come across.