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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he a keeper?

255 replies

WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:12

I have trust issues with my BF of 8 months.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him - I just think, from what he has told me, he acts up with his friends and he is with them this weekend for a weekend bender. He sees his friends probably every 6 months.

He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me. I like to know the background of someone, what their values are, I think past can tell alot about present.

Anyway, he drove 9 hours last night to the hotel he is staying at. He had to stop a few times to charge his car. During which he wanted to call and phoned a few times. I didnt answer. I've told him I dont trust him and I think we should break up because its not fair on both of us.

He has pleaded with me not to end the relationship, said I am the one and doesnt undertand why we would break up if we love each other. He has said I am overthinking things and creating fake senarios and I am pushing him away. He texted the whole time using voice control text to sort out the situation.

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry and would like to know when he has arrived safely - he then sent me a live location pin so I could see that.

I then said I was going to bed (as it was nearly 1am), he told me he would arrive around 230/3am (he left late as we argued). He said he wanted to charge his car when he arrived so it was done for when he drives back Sunday.

Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?

This morning he has texted me saying good morning, how am I etc., then he said that he hopes I get to work okay with all this bad snow, and now he has texted asking if I am okay.

I havent texted him back since asking him to let me know he arrived safe.

But with this asttentive texts, while he is with friends,. am I being horrible?!

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one.

Help

OP posts:
GerbilsForever24 · 16/12/2022 15:48

Oh, to all the posters saying they don't believe it - I totally believe it. Because we've all read th threads on here where the man is the crazy paranoid one and she's spending her life trying to "prove" how trustworthy she is. In this case, it's just the woman who is crazy and paranoid and, as a result, acting in an abusive way.

OP - I live in a leafy, middle class part of the home counties... guess what? There's a strip club only a TINY bit further away from me than there is from his hotel. I think it's a 15 minute walk. Get over yourself.

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 15:54

OP - I live in a leafy, middle class part of the home counties... guess what? There's a strip club only a TINY bit further away from me than there is from his hotel. I think it's a 15 minute walk. Get over yourself.

How do you KNOW it's a 15 minute walk @GerbilsForever24?
You've walked it. haven't you?
Timed it meticulously, so you can get back before me if I happen to text you because the wifi on your tracker has failed I am SO WORRIED about you.

I can never trust you again. We are over. Please continue to submit timesheets & send me regular texts telling me how much I mean to you.

waterrat · 16/12/2022 15:56

Op you need to see a therapist. This is not about him its abiut you. You must have issues from your childhood going on here

You will never be able to know whether a man is trustworthy or not when you are hyper vigilant like this

Google hyper vigilance. This is you

Nobody on this thread knows whether your partner can be trusted. But we can all see you are living in a state of unhealthy paranoia

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 15:57

@KettrickenSmiled - you are not ready to hear about the brothel 2 roads away from my house… it’s proudly under new management too. I have no idea how it is still operating. It doesn’t even pretend to be a massage parlour or anything.

littlebirdieblu · 16/12/2022 15:59

JFC block him so he can move on and find someone who isn't so abusive and controlling. Honestly you sound like a bloody nightmare Confused

SpeckledlyHen · 16/12/2022 16:00

It sounds like the poor guy has had a very lucky escape.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 16/12/2022 16:01

If I were him I'd be running for the hills.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 16/12/2022 16:07

You've ended it so carry on on your own for a while and find some support for your trust issues.

KettrickenSmiled · 16/12/2022 16:08

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 15:57

@KettrickenSmiled - you are not ready to hear about the brothel 2 roads away from my house… it’s proudly under new management too. I have no idea how it is still operating. It doesn’t even pretend to be a massage parlour or anything.

Oh don't worry @Flapjackquack - I've already googled all the strip joints & brothels nearby every PP's house. Because if they exist - you will be there, & I can only justify my controlling weirdness by catching you at it. If I don't catch you, all we've proved is you are skilled liars.

btw - where are you? You said you were only popping out for chocolate, but I haven't heard a peep from you in the last 7 minutes. WHO ARE YOU CHATTING UP NOW?

Greybutterfly · 16/12/2022 16:10

You are 100% right to end this you are not ready for relationship. You need to seek help and work on yourself and your trust issues.
I genuinely feel sorry for the man. I hope your proud of yourself for ruining his trip with his friends. I can’t imagine what they must think of you.

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 16:11

@KettrickenSmiled - I am so sorry, there was no signal in the brothel I mean shop.

TheShellBeach · 16/12/2022 16:12

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 15:57

@KettrickenSmiled - you are not ready to hear about the brothel 2 roads away from my house… it’s proudly under new management too. I have no idea how it is still operating. It doesn’t even pretend to be a massage parlour or anything.

There is a whorehouse right next door to me. I know the Madam personally.

OP's boyfriend would be thrilled.
OP would be less thrilled.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 16/12/2022 16:13

You are hard work. He sees his mates twice a YEAR and you behave like a petulant child. Yes, break up with him - he deserves someone far more mature.

dontputitthere · 16/12/2022 16:19

Fuck me. Leave the poor guy alone and get yourself some therapy.

You have to see this is all sorts of wrong

But hey ho from the way you reply I think this will fall on deaf ears...

Hollowgast · 16/12/2022 16:23

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 16:11

@KettrickenSmiled - I am so sorry, there was no signal in the brothel I mean shop.

It has a gift shop? Very enterprising of them.

Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 16:29

Hollowgast · 16/12/2022 16:23

It has a gift shop? Very enterprising of them.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t put it past them, they have just decorated for Christmas. It is on a main thoroughfare, has a website (with reviews according to the sign in the window 🤮) and everyone knows what it is. I have no idea why it hasn’t been shut down but I am not fully up on laws around brothels, I just feel very sorry for the women.

Forestfire12345 · 16/12/2022 16:30

To be blunt... he's a keeper but you're definitely not. Let him go and get some therapy.

Subtlety1985 · 16/12/2022 16:34

You’re extremely insecure.

I feel sorry for him. He’ll have a hard life if he stays with you.

CKL987 · 16/12/2022 16:37

You need help. He has quite clearly kept you up to date with what he was doing and even allowed you to see his location. Most men would be telling you to fuck off. Get some therapy or you'll never keep the one if you do find them.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 16/12/2022 16:39

Yarboosucks · 16/12/2022 13:25

There is probably a fried chicken place around the corner too; that doesn't mean you are dating Colonel Saunders!

This made me laugh!!

lamaze1 · 16/12/2022 16:40

I'd end it. Trust is integral to a relationship so it isn't going to work. If I were you I'd end it and seek help for your issues before embarking on another relationship.

piedbeauty · 16/12/2022 16:46

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him and - He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me

Well, which is it? He lies or he doesn't?

Frankly, if you don't trust him there is no point being together. If I was him I would hate you checking up on me and not treating me, and I'd probably end the relationship.

Beachbreak2411 · 16/12/2022 16:50

Christ alive you sound hard work! Chill put; he’s messaging you and sounds like he’s done nothing wrong. Even if he did go to the strip club…. So what! If I were him I’d be running a mile!

VoiceOfCommonSense · 16/12/2022 19:46

WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:12

I have trust issues with my BF of 8 months.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him - I just think, from what he has told me, he acts up with his friends and he is with them this weekend for a weekend bender. He sees his friends probably every 6 months.

He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me. I like to know the background of someone, what their values are, I think past can tell alot about present.

Anyway, he drove 9 hours last night to the hotel he is staying at. He had to stop a few times to charge his car. During which he wanted to call and phoned a few times. I didnt answer. I've told him I dont trust him and I think we should break up because its not fair on both of us.

He has pleaded with me not to end the relationship, said I am the one and doesnt undertand why we would break up if we love each other. He has said I am overthinking things and creating fake senarios and I am pushing him away. He texted the whole time using voice control text to sort out the situation.

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry and would like to know when he has arrived safely - he then sent me a live location pin so I could see that.

I then said I was going to bed (as it was nearly 1am), he told me he would arrive around 230/3am (he left late as we argued). He said he wanted to charge his car when he arrived so it was done for when he drives back Sunday.

Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?

This morning he has texted me saying good morning, how am I etc., then he said that he hopes I get to work okay with all this bad snow, and now he has texted asking if I am okay.

I havent texted him back since asking him to let me know he arrived safe.

But with this asttentive texts, while he is with friends,. am I being horrible?!

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one.

Help

You absolute crank. He will be much better off without you. You have issues love..

Pondere · 17/12/2022 09:05

This is one of the craziest things I’ve read - you checked his hotel online, saw there’s a strip club nearby and are convinced he went. Wow. That is the very epitome of abusive and controlling behaviour.

He deserves better. Please don’t get back together with him.