Is he a keeper?

[WhatisWrong1]

I have trust issues with my BF of 8 months.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him - I just think, from what he has told me, he acts up with his friends and he is with them this weekend for a weekend bender. He sees his friends probably every 6 months.

He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me. I like to know the background of someone, what their values are, I think past can tell alot about present.

Anyway, he drove 9 hours last night to the hotel he is staying at. He had to stop a few times to charge his car. During which he wanted to call and phoned a few times. I didnt answer. I've told him I dont trust him and I think we should break up because its not fair on both of us.

He has pleaded with me not to end the relationship, said I am the one and doesnt undertand why we would break up if we love each other. He has said I am overthinking things and creating fake senarios and I am pushing him away. He texted the whole time using voice control text to sort out the situation.

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry and would like to know when he has arrived safely - he then sent me a live location pin so I could see that.

I then said I was going to bed (as it was nearly 1am), he told me he would arrive around 230/3am (he left late as we argued). He said he wanted to charge his car when he arrived so it was done for when he drives back Sunday.

Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?

This morning he has texted me saying good morning, how am I etc., then he said that he hopes I get to work okay with all this bad snow, and now he has texted asking if I am okay.

I havent texted him back since asking him to let me know he arrived safe.

But with this asttentive texts, while he is with friends,. am I being horrible?!

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one.

Help

Your OP is so full of contradictions I think you're on a wind up.

You told him you want to break up with him, but remain hopelessly invested in the melodrama you've created out of nothing. Why do you care what time he charges his car or how long it takes? What's wrong with him seeing his family & fiends every 6 months?

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry
About what? A grown man driving to a hotel?
Why? How do you think he managed to drive before he met you?

Did he go to a stripclub last night?
How the fuck would PP know?
As you care so much, why not ask him?
Although why you are obsessing over a man you've only known 8 months & apparently no longer want to date, & suspect of enjoying strip clubs, is anyone's guess.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him
And yet here you are, so distrustful that you have already broken up with him, but so controlling that you can't actually let him go.

Do yourself (& him!) a favour & dump him properly. That means no more micromanaging & in fact no more contact whatsoever. Then hire the best therapist you can afford, & stay single until they have helped you work out WTF caused you to have such a warped view of what relationships are, & why you need so create so much drama in your life.

New car and new GF by the look of things.

It sounds to me, although I would agree you sound possessive and could probably benefit from therapy, that this is a relationship where you are not happy with what this man does and he is not prepared (in my view reasonably) to be what you want. Therefore what is the point in staying together?

What wee the lies he told about his earlier life @WhatisWrong1 ?

Why don't you trust him? Because of the previous lies or your ex's?

How is he acting single? Because you think he's going to strip clubs or because he's seeing his friends?

Honestly you do not sound ready for a relationship.

You need to find a new hobby. These threads are boring

😂😂😂
Travelling back to one's home town twice a year to catch up with friends & family isn't acting single.

Seriously - get some help. You must be desperately unhappy, living with this level of hypervigilant control & mistrust. I suspect that you are unable to relax unless the man you are dating is visible to you at every moment, & feel betrayed that he has old friends he wants to visit, as it takes him away from your constant supervision.

This is not a good way to live OP.
You won't be happy until you can find out what caused it, & undergone extensive therapy to understand it & start managing it, instead of projecting it onto any unfortunate who ends up dating you.

Here we go again....!
The bloke is trying his god damn hardest here and you need serious help. At this point I think you are actually enjoying his bloody misery and ruining his weekend with his friends.

You googled strip clubs near to his hotel because he once went to one 20 years ago!? Listen to yourself!!!
He was driving and charging his car. Clearly.

I googled his hotel and stripclubs in area

Why would you do that FFS - you're taking the piss.

@WhatisWrong1

I am uncomfortable with the amount of anger and outright disgusting behaviour some on this site have shown toward you AND at the same time you have some serious problems you need to address.

Firstly your behaviour is NOT okay. I say this to you as I would to a man who was engaging in fairly controlling behaviour of a partner. It is not acceptable to make people feel emotionally pushed into things and if you think it is then you need to address that yourself. You are pushing him away and he will end up telling you where to go and leave you feeling worse.

At the same time, I hear that there are some real issues underneath this and I think it would be much more helpful to be compassionate toward you. You need to get some sort of support for the trust issues, otherwise you will likely stay miserable forever. I suspect that you have a particular problem which I won't go into here because I don't think that is reasonable - though feel free to message me if you want to know more.

What is the function of what you are doing? What does it get you?
Checking where strip clubs and bars are around the hotel is not normal behaviour. You are making HUGE assumptions about 1. his intentions 2. his thoughts 3. his morals/values. Have you any actual evidence that he is likely to be unfaithful? Concrete facts I mean. If I were him I'd probably tell a few white lies, just to get away from having to endure the inquisition! What is the emotion that comes up when you think about him being away?

In short, you are being abusive and I am honest enough to tell you outright. Anything that controls another person's behaviour is ABUSE. It must stop. Interestingly people have repeated this over and over in the thread and you still asked "what shall I do?" The answer: get some help for this.

She's controlling & stalking him already. Googling his hotel to find out what strip joints are close to it. Demanding updates about the timing of when he charges his car. AND THIS IS WHEN SHE HAS TOLD HIM SHE'S FINISHED WITH HIM.

How much more batshit do you think she'd be, if she decides he's her b/f again now, & indulges herself in purchasing this device?

His obsessive texting is not "attentive" .

It's bullying attention-seeking, to monopolise you.

This will not improve, so dump him now before he gets you pregnant.

Eh?

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

Even if he didn't, the OP won't believe him when he tells her.

Has anyone ever seen @2bazookas and @WhatisWrong1 in the same room?

Very coyly phrased with the passive voice there OP.
You mean he spoke to a woman other than yourself, & you gave him protracted hell over it.

If you were a man, you'd be the type of man who attracts restraining orders.

For both his sake and yours, you say:

"No, we are not together. It is better for both of us that we don't see each other anymore. I wish you a happy life and must ask you to stop contacting me."

Then block him. And get yourself some counseling. You deserve to live a life free of this constant and (apparently) unfounded suspicion. And he deserves someone who trusts him.

I dont know who 2bazookas is

Fuck me. He is a grown person. He can do what he likes. As long as he isn't out shaging around . You sound extremly controlling. If he was my friend I'd tell him to run in the opposite direction.

My thoughts too. Oh the drama…😳

If this is real, and I’m struggling to believe it can be, you really need not to be in any relationship at all until you’ve addressed your very serious emotional difficulties.

Hi OP, I was exactly the same in my early 20's and ruined a perfectly good relationship because of it. I had severe trust issues (not because of anything my partner had done) but because I was unhappy with myself. I was overweight, and I thought I was ugly and stupid. I didn't understand why he wanted to be with me and always thought he would find someone better. Social media doesn’t help at times, but that’s no excuse. He never gave me a reason to worry or distrust him. Everything was fine when we were together and we got on like a house on fire, but any time he would go out with his friends, I could feel myself getting anxious, angry, paranoid etc and I realised that wasn't normal. My partner wasn't doing anything wrong. I would create fake scenarios in my head, wind myself up and purposely start arguments with him so that he'd guilty and not go out. I was manipulative.

He eventually broke up with me and we didn't speak for two years, which gave me the time to work on myself and look at why I was behaving that way. After a while, I eventually realised that there wasn't anything wrong with me and that he loved me for who I was (funny, caring, pretty) and he wouldn’t have been in a relationship with me if he didn’t believe all of those things, but I really needed that time to focus on what I'd done and what I'd lost because of my actions. A year ago, out the blue he reached out to me (god knows why, I was horrible to him) to ask how I was and we started talking/meeting up again. It just shows what a caring person he is. He said I'd left a mark on him (in good and bad ways) and just wanted to see if I was okay. We are now in a relationship and I couldn't be happier. I trust him completely and I can't believe how I behaved when I look back. I know I'm incredibly lucky that I was given a second chance.

You need to leave this man alone, he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. He hasn’t done anything wrong and you are making him feel guilty for spending time with his friends, which is perfectly normal thing for someone to do and it doesn’t mean in any way that he is visiting strip clubs or sleeping around. It’s clear as day that you are manipulating him (I was the same) and whilst you didn’t ask him to send his location, he obviously felt he had to because you’ve made him feel so guilty. The fact he is begging you to stay with him, shows just how much he cares about you and wants to be with you, but until you really focus on why you are so insecure and try to work on those issues, you will always feel this way and have this problem (with any man you date).

I wish you all the best. X

I think this thread is for attention,good or bad.
Op,you don't need forums,you really need some counselling,contact MIND or your Dr or both.

Your trust issues are your problem deal with them before your next relationship.

Batshit, pure and simple (the OP, that is).

I hope for your sake this isn’t real, as it’s all very embarrassing.