Is he a keeper?

[WhatisWrong1]

I have trust issues with my BF of 8 months.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him - I just think, from what he has told me, he acts up with his friends and he is with them this weekend for a weekend bender. He sees his friends probably every 6 months.

He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me. I like to know the background of someone, what their values are, I think past can tell alot about present.

Anyway, he drove 9 hours last night to the hotel he is staying at. He had to stop a few times to charge his car. During which he wanted to call and phoned a few times. I didnt answer. I've told him I dont trust him and I think we should break up because its not fair on both of us.

He has pleaded with me not to end the relationship, said I am the one and doesnt undertand why we would break up if we love each other. He has said I am overthinking things and creating fake senarios and I am pushing him away. He texted the whole time using voice control text to sort out the situation.

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry and would like to know when he has arrived safely - he then sent me a live location pin so I could see that.

I then said I was going to bed (as it was nearly 1am), he told me he would arrive around 230/3am (he left late as we argued). He said he wanted to charge his car when he arrived so it was done for when he drives back Sunday.

Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?

This morning he has texted me saying good morning, how am I etc., then he said that he hopes I get to work okay with all this bad snow, and now he has texted asking if I am okay.

I havent texted him back since asking him to let me know he arrived safe.

But with this asttentive texts, while he is with friends,. am I being horrible?!

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one.

Help

If this is genuine, then you are being extremely abusive. Do the poor man a favour and end it. And stay single until you've had therapy.

Here's what you need to do, OP:

1. tell this man that yes, you are breaking up with him and that it is because you are unable to control your insecurity, that you are not fit to be in a relationship and that he deserves better
2. go into therapy
3. stay single until you are confident in yourself and able to handle a relationship like an adult, not like a controlling little girl

He is but I don't think you are. You have some major issues and should be dealing with them and not causing someone else mental anguish.

This

"Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?" A massive massive leap. Please let this guy get on with finding someone ready to be in a relationship and seek help.

You're nasty for breaking up with him just as he was going away. You knew it would have the maximum impact doing it then, and it would spoil his time away. It's very manipulative. I sense you're one of those paranoid, controlling types.

Surely you can’t be with someone you can’t trust? Be firm and push through with the break up as that is the kindest thing you can do to yourself and to him.

Massively weird. Just let him get on with his life. Or get therapy. But stop manipulating him.

For the love of God OP, get some therapy. Your behaviour is abusive, your insecurity is NOT his problem to solve, it’s yours. It can’t be making you happy either, to be this worried about perfectly normal things? Do you think trying to control him will stop him from cheating if he’s going to cheat?! It’s frankly just more likely to push him to it. If you can’t trust him, you end it and stop texting him, if you want to trust him then you take a leap of faith, put your fears aside and give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves you wrong, you know, just like he’s doing for you. What you aren’t entitled to do is restrict and interrogate him to make yourself feel better, that’s not fair, you need to get help to resolve those issues yourself.

This makes no sense

Lucky escape (for him). Seek therapy before another relationship.

@WhatisWrong1 I have trust issues, am insecure in myself and have anxiety issues too but I am in love with the most amazing man and he sounds similar to your guy, telling you he will never do anything on you and trying to prove to you you can trust him. The reality is it is NOT them, it really is US with the issues. I am trying to sit back and be chilled out like my DP seems to be when I go away with pals or go out for a night etc. He has never told me he does not trust me and I go out without him a fair bit and even on weekends away with the girls etc. Last weekend he was away at a work thing and he texted me what he was doing etc and basically feeding my insecurities and while I have had odd thoughts like he could have been in the hotel room with another woman or whatever I am trying to see him for the genuine person I know he is. My thoughts run away with me at times but it is a me issue not a him one. What if he is telling the truth and you can trust him? Can you give him the opportunity to prove this to you? Can you afford yourself to trust this man? You could be giving up the love of your life because of your intrusive thoughts - trust me from one who has them too.

When i say feeding my insecurities i mean trying to let me know not to be insecure. I am failing at english today lol

Wow! I would not put up with your behaviour if I was him. You sound controlling, potentially emotionally abusive, paranoid and very emotionally immature.

Even your responses to replies on here are off. People are telling you what they think and you are not acknowledging the advise?! Seriously, do this man a favour and let him find another women that won’t treat him this way. I suggest until you can acknowledge and address your issues you should stay away from relationships.

He has done nothing wrong. He is not acting single, he is meeting his friends which he barely does. You are not acting like a team, you are behaving like a lunatic.

Wrong thread pet

if I was the op’s (ex?) boyfriend and the op suggested something about a tracking app while she works on her trust issues, I’d run a mile so fast you’d only see a cloud of dust. It’s what controlling partners in DV situations want to do (understand you said your situation is different, @SHNBV )

This is exactly what they are - intrusive thoughts. Pp is right

Man who goes on benders and to strip clubs should be put where they belong, 🗑️

He doesn’t go on benders. He sees his friends once every 6 months.

And he doesn’t go to strip clubs. OP is just paranoid.

Just because a man is in the vicinity of a strip club doesn’t mean he visits it.

God you sound hard work, tell him he should cut his losses and stop wasting his time. Just reading your post was enough, lord knows how anyone would put up with this nonsense. Poor bloke. He deserves a medal if he put up with this for 8 months.

😂

You're suspicious, controlling and borderline abuse. I think you should work on those issues before damaging another man.

You definitely need help for your anxiety/paranoia OP.

You say he’s the one, but you don’t treat him as though he is.

You sound terribly controlling and abusive. Your responses are repetitive.