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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he a keeper?

255 replies

WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:12

I have trust issues with my BF of 8 months.

He hasnt done anything to make me distrust him - I just think, from what he has told me, he acts up with his friends and he is with them this weekend for a weekend bender. He sees his friends probably every 6 months.

He has told the odd fib or two when quizzed about stuff that happened way before he met me. I like to know the background of someone, what their values are, I think past can tell alot about present.

Anyway, he drove 9 hours last night to the hotel he is staying at. He had to stop a few times to charge his car. During which he wanted to call and phoned a few times. I didnt answer. I've told him I dont trust him and I think we should break up because its not fair on both of us.

He has pleaded with me not to end the relationship, said I am the one and doesnt undertand why we would break up if we love each other. He has said I am overthinking things and creating fake senarios and I am pushing him away. He texted the whole time using voice control text to sort out the situation.

I said I didnt want us to be together but I do worry and would like to know when he has arrived safely - he then sent me a live location pin so I could see that.

I then said I was going to bed (as it was nearly 1am), he told me he would arrive around 230/3am (he left late as we argued). He said he wanted to charge his car when he arrived so it was done for when he drives back Sunday.

Much later he texted saying he had arrived at 2am. Then he said he was going to charge his car and then he said he was back at 4am(ish). Why did he do this? Was he visiting the strip club which his hotel is around the corner from?

This morning he has texted me saying good morning, how am I etc., then he said that he hopes I get to work okay with all this bad snow, and now he has texted asking if I am okay.

I havent texted him back since asking him to let me know he arrived safe.

But with this asttentive texts, while he is with friends,. am I being horrible?!

Did he go to a stripclub last night?

I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one.

Help

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 16/12/2022 13:14

Quite honestly, if I was him, I'd be looking for someone else now

YellowTreeHouse · 16/12/2022 13:15

Yes, you are being overbearing and pushing him away.

You are not ready to be in a relationship. You need to work on your own confidence, self esteem and trust issues before entering another relationship otherwise the same thing will keep happening.

thewayround · 16/12/2022 13:15

How old are you both?

It doesn’t sound like a relationship that I’d sure as heck want to be in tbh

RunnerBum · 16/12/2022 13:16

You don't trust him so the relationship should end - but you are paranoid and won't trust anyone. You need to sort out your insecurities or you'll end up hurting man after man after man because you agree to relationships that you aren't emotionally mature enough to be in.

IDontWantToResignMyself · 16/12/2022 13:16

If I was him I'd be looking for someone else. You're treating him appallingly. Shame on you.

Merlott · 16/12/2022 13:17

Jesus the amount of drama. Break it off and have a word with yourself!

Depending how old you are, going on benders would be a deal breaker. 21 - fairly normal. 28 - nah. 26 - maybe.

Spend some time getting to know yourself and what you want out of life.

Original poster
WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:17

He says he wants to be a team and build a feature with me but I am stopping that happening

OP posts:
Flapjackquack · 16/12/2022 13:18

Is this for real?

WhineWhineWINE · 16/12/2022 13:18

"I dont know if I am ruining this and pushing away a man, I do consider to be the one."

You are absolutely doing this.

Original poster
WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:18

He is 40 years old.
I am calling it a bender - he hasnt,
He moved away from his friends and family for work many years ago.
He now meets up with them every 6 months for catch ups.
This is his christmas catch up weekend!
He told me about it when we first met

OP posts:
Actupfishy · 16/12/2022 13:18

So you’re playing weird games with him because he dared to see his friends.
You’re abusive.

Nooky · 16/12/2022 13:18

@Flapjackquack I sincerely hope not

Actupfishy · 16/12/2022 13:19

Just read your update…
blantant reverse.

IDontWantToResignMyself · 16/12/2022 13:19

You're really abusive. He's allowed to visit his family and friends.

You're really weird if you think your behaviour is normal and need to get some therapy asap.

Original poster
WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:19

He has told me his friends have cheated on their partners in the past and they have visited strip clubs before. His hotel is round the corner for one

OP posts:
SHNBV · 16/12/2022 13:20

It definitely sounds like you have trust issues that you need to sort out, possibly by therapy.

My husband travels a lot for work so we have a family account for Life 360. It’s a tracking app. It that lets me know when he leaves work and roughly how far away he is so it makes planning meal times and our evenings easier. Your partner could possible put something like that on his phone whilst you work on your trust issues as you could clearly see where he’s been and at what times. However if my partner distrusted me to such a degree that they needed electronic proof of where I’d been I’d think it was time to pause the relationship whilst they sorted out their MH.

Legallypinkish · 16/12/2022 13:21

If I was him I’d run a mile. Honestly the poor man.

you also need some support I think, a counsellor maybe. This is not normal behaviour. It’s abusive at best.

Bobbins36 · 16/12/2022 13:21

You sound unhinged.

Cuddlywuddlies · 16/12/2022 13:22

In answer to your question @WhatisWrong1 he may be a keeper, you on the other hand are NOT a keeper. Stop playing games ffs

RunnerBum · 16/12/2022 13:22

SHNBV · 16/12/2022 13:20

It definitely sounds like you have trust issues that you need to sort out, possibly by therapy.

My husband travels a lot for work so we have a family account for Life 360. It’s a tracking app. It that lets me know when he leaves work and roughly how far away he is so it makes planning meal times and our evenings easier. Your partner could possible put something like that on his phone whilst you work on your trust issues as you could clearly see where he’s been and at what times. However if my partner distrusted me to such a degree that they needed electronic proof of where I’d been I’d think it was time to pause the relationship whilst they sorted out their MH.

I don't think suggesting that (potentially abusive) OP stalks her new boyfriend will help. He's not her DH and, even if he were, using the app to control and stalk someone is not acceptable. Using it for logistics and/or safety is very different.

Original poster
WhatisWrong1 · 16/12/2022 13:24

I told him I wanted to break up because I dont trust him
he said he wants to prove that I can trust him but it will take time
I feel mean not texting him now but we did break up :(
What do i do

OP posts:
spookymarmite · 16/12/2022 13:24

You again!

We all told you yesterday that you're extremely irrational and paranoid.

Get yourself some therapy.

Yarboosucks · 16/12/2022 13:25

There is probably a fried chicken place around the corner too; that doesn't mean you are dating Colonel Saunders!

Nooky · 16/12/2022 13:25

You get off the Internet and put the baileys down @WhatisWrong1

Cherry8809 · 16/12/2022 13:26

Jeeez. Poor guy.
You need therapy, not a boyfriend/emotional punching bag.