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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him not to send the presents with his name on...

233 replies

Jinglejangle09 · 15/12/2022 16:44

From when my children were born we always said all presents were from Santa - even presents from family were just put in with what Santa had bought. We said this to all family and they were obviously under no obligation to buy for the children as they wouldn't get any credit for it.
Most family were fine with it (or at least didn't say anything to my face!).
Kids are now 7 and 8 and both still believe.
My Dad has messaged this year saying oh we are going to put messages on as we want them to know who they are from. I have gone back to him and said that he should save them for the kids birthdays if he wants them to be from him. Both birthdays Jan and Feb anyway.
AIBU? I just don't really know how I can change the whole gifting from Santa now. I maybe should have thought more about it when they were younger.

OP posts:
annieannietomjoe · 15/12/2022 19:24

Not particularly helpful but this is the French custom. Think you could just say that GPs have got you a present this year...wouldn't over think it tbh

milveycrohn · 15/12/2022 19:46

When I was a child, our Christmas stockings were from Santa. These were all small items that fitted into a normal men's sock size (not the giant things you see today).
Presents came from the family, whoever it was that had bought it.

Dello · 15/12/2022 19:51

You are way too invested in the Santa story to see the lovely thing that is grandparents who care.

Menopausecankissmyass · 15/12/2022 19:51

Yabu - when DD was a lot younger and believed we told her that Santa gets her presents but as her family love her they like to get some extra gifts for her as well.
Didn't spoil the magic in any way shape or form and family got the credit for the lovely presents they bought

Twillow · 15/12/2022 19:54

Don't your children ever ask (or wonder) why other people get presents from you but not them?
Santa is a bit of fun, not a religion. YABU.

Hellybelly84 · 15/12/2022 19:55

Its not as complicated as you are making it out to be and it really wont be a big thing on Xmas day. Just have some presents from Santa and some from family. You can even say he delivers the family ones too if you want to. We had that growing up and we do the same for our kids and its never been questioned once. They will be too busy and excited to think twice and nice for relatives to see their faces when they open it.

gamechangling · 15/12/2022 19:57

Just shift the story a bit this year and again next year - what's the plan when they don't believe to have no presents?
Our kids think Santa gives stocking and one or two gifts, rest of gifts from family, friends, each other etc -

You can make a small shift like taking your dads gifts and letting them be from the right people so they can thank them -

WhatALotOfAFussAboutNothing · 15/12/2022 19:57

I’ve never understood this - we thought Santa delivered the presents as kids but never that he’d bought them. We knew family had bought them!

Kids need to know things cost money and be appreciative of things people have bought for them.

It’s ridiculous to just say everything is from Santa! It doesn’t ruin the magic of him delivering gifts on Christmas Eve to let your children know they’re from family.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/12/2022 19:58

We’ll that’s an odd setup, but hey it’s worked until now. I think to undo it is pretty easy. Just start putting the names of the givers on the presents and still have some from Santa.

To be honest your kids are in prime ‘finding out’ time so it won’t be weird and will naturally make sense. If your mum isn’t fussed then include hers in the Santa pile.

To be honest I came into this thinking the worst as we had an incident of my MIL swapping our names with hers on our niece’s Christmas presents. Honestly still don’t know what possessed her to do that it’s not that we were super extravagant or anything. We would buy her an outfit, some books, and a couple of toys.

Beelezebub · 15/12/2022 20:00

My MIL wanted to do this but by saying that he’d been to her house and left things there.

That was a hard no.

YABU. Really unreasonable. I can guarantee that while no one said anything to you, they’ve definitely said things about it that you aren’t aware of.

BellePeppa · 15/12/2022 20:00

It’s far better for presents to be a mix of Santa and family. Even though my children believed in Santa when they were young all the presents were labelled by whoever bought them. No one gave it a thought, not even the kids😁

FlamingoQueen · 15/12/2022 20:04

I would not buy anything for them! Is it just to save them having to write thank you cards?

EasterIsland · 15/12/2022 20:05

Of course you’re unreasonable.

You are depriving your children of knowing that there are so many people in their family who love them, and take pleasure in giving them presents. And you are depriving your children of the chance to thank their grandparents and other family, and talk about their presents and what they like etc etc.

The whole “presents from Santa” thing is really naff. It distorts the loving exchange of gifts within families, where people show their care for each other.

Give them a stocking from Father Christmas by all means - you can fill it full of stuff from Poundland. But let the children appreciate their grandparents!!

Blueblell · 15/12/2022 20:08

Yes you are making a mistake here. Some gifts from Santa some from you and definitely family should get the credit for the ones they give. I made a similar mistake in the early years, made all my presents from Santa but then one year the kids asked why I never bought them anything and I realised it was not the way to do things!

Linning · 15/12/2022 20:08

I find it very strange that people send in their Xmas present to be open when they won’t be around to see it (unless they live in another country entirely). In my family all gifts were technically from Santa but you would get your Xmas gift at the different relatives houses so you would know those gifts where the ones ordered by whoever relatives it was and be grateful to them.

Which means that if I wanted the Xmas from my grandma or my aunt, I would need to go visit them. Which was somehow nice because it forced you to do your part and visit family and it meant you could still get Xmas gift weeks or even months later if you hadn’t gone to a close relatives house since December 24th.

I couldn’t personally imagine, having my kids receive present and not know who it’s from and for those people to not even be present when they are opened. It seems a bit greedy to have people send in the presents and then give them no recognition or credit as if they weren’t even part of making Xmas at all.

Jouto · 15/12/2022 20:09

Well that was a quite bonkers approach. But what's done is done.
Talk to them, about the season of giving. Santa can still bring presents, but santa knows they have a loving family and its important to appreciate the ones we loce and get them to help wrap a present to give to a relative and get them writing thank you notes after for the relative presents to them.

Hellno44 · 15/12/2022 20:12

Do the stocking from Santa.

comfortablylesslumpy · 15/12/2022 20:15

YABVVU.
Sorry, but this a weird way to deal with presents. And totally unfair on those giving them.

PurpleWisteria1 · 15/12/2022 20:16

It’s not really about getting ‘credit’
It’s about building that relationship and memories between grandparent and grandchild.
My kids talk all year about the gift that ‘grandad’ bought them for Christmas.
As they get older, they will think it’s very strange that grandparents presents weren’t given out from them? They must be already thinking I wonder why no one else buys us presents. My 3 kids asked why me and their dad didn’t buy presents at that age. They said Santa got lots but nothing from mum and dad so they do think about these things.

Blanketpolicy · 15/12/2022 20:18

Why can't you just say the presents that you have bought and are under the tree are from Santa and keep the others from your family separate and they can open them later once the Santa presents have been unwrapped and played with?

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 15/12/2022 20:18

So when your dcs go to school and say o had 40 presents from santa ranging from. For example bikes, lego etc

And their mates say we only got a Stocking from santa. It seems a bit ott

My kids will say oh nana i would love xyz for xmas. Or Aunty please can i have... (when they are asked of course not randomly)

My 4yr old remembers who gets her what for occasions. She really appreciates it

You sound controlling

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 15/12/2022 20:20

Also when little Johnny says oh my grandpa and grandma got me a cool lego set.
Your dcs may think oh my GPs got me nothing!

Reugny · 15/12/2022 20:22

Hellno44 · 15/12/2022 20:12

Do the stocking from Santa.

This.

Though I'm sure my 4 year old says she believes in Santa so she can get presents. She doesn't believe in fairies and ghosts. I have absolutely no idea why as I've not discussed them with her.

Wallstick · 15/12/2022 20:24

"... And this one's from Grandad."

Job done?

WildImaginings · 15/12/2022 20:25

Utterly ridiculous.

You, not your dad.

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