Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

[blebbleb]

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

To certain men - yes.

I've been hassled by men since I was 11. At 52 it stopped. It's bliss 😎

I'm 41 and over the last 2 or 3 years I've had a lot more attention from younger men.

I noticed it in the pub! Waiting to be served. One particular time the owner noticed as, unknown to me, I was stood next to where he was sitting on a bar stool. He apologised and I got a free round of drinks, so it wasn’t all bad! It’s happened to me a few times in busy bars they it just takes ridiculously ages to get the staffs attention.

But yes, people will rush to tell you “I’m not invisible” as I think many people don’t want to admit it. On the whole I like it. I don’t feel so “judged” any more.

I'm 51 and haven't noticed any particular change. But I don't think I got that much attention on the basis of my appearance in the first place.

Yes - certainly at 50+ - and it's absolutely fabulous!!

I am now. I used to get a lot of unwanted attention when I was younger. Now I don't, which is much more preferable.

I'm a little younger than you but even when I was a teenager the periods of invisibility correlated with weight gain. There is a freedom in invisibility but the contrast in how I'm treated by men and women when I'm thin vs fat is startling. I was fat in my teens and between pregnancies so have experienced invisibility as young. Always had a pretty face 😏but it's the body that made men not even glance at me they just see a big shape and zone me out. Some looked positively uncomfortable if I caught them make eye contact they'd grimace 😂

I also had less attention when I was pregnant. I wasn't showing for ages but looked like I had a thicker waist and a bit of a belly and then I looked REALLY pregnant towards the end and would just have blank stares or fuss made about my bump by women with a few lustful looks from creepy men.
It's usually older men that notice me now however there is the odd much younger or older guy that flirts.
I'm finding in my 30s the attention is usually from older guys in their 40s to 70s.
So I think it's related to your weight and you dress as I have walked behind a beautiful, tall, slim woman in her late 40s or maybe 50s dressed in bright fitting clothes and she had guys half her age crank their necks to look at her, I was in my late twenties and nobody gave me a look with her there.

You most certainly are middle-aged. Most people do not live beyond 70 statistically and therefore at 35 you are well into middle-age and this is the enormous mistake that people make in the 35 years following the 35th birthday they do not realise how little time they have.
I’ve been to 2 funerals this year of women in their late 40s

Same. I've never been attractive. All the posters saying it's a relief not to be hassled all of the time, this is totally alien to me! So I think its probably easier for me as I get older because I was never visible in the first place.

I am 41 and definitely get far less attention from men than I did in my 20s but I consider that a good thing.

I love being invisible. Feels like freedom at last.

As soon as I stopped colouring my hair (so went completely grey) i started getting a lot more attention from young men in their 20s—offering to carry my suitcase or giving up their seat on the train. It's wonderful.

Wtf?? Average life expentancy is 83 for a woman. Where are you getting 70 from? Of course some younger people will die, but the majority live beyond 70.

Yes and I don't miss the hassle, but I am certainly seeing men in a new light, professionally speaking. Male colleagues' eyes glaze over sometimes when we are talking about a work issue and they are far more interested in what my younger and prettier female colleagues have to say. That's the only thing that annoys me. These male professionals don't know that they are doing it. They might as well have their tongues hanging out.
I've recently moved to a department where most people are older, and I get a lot more of, "oh that's good: you have a bit of life experience behind you and xxx years in x department."
It's a relief and less of a battle professionally.
It's mad. I don't miss the attention of the male gaze, but I see men in a different way now and cannot believe that they attain higher positions than the women with this going on. It just looks all so obvious to me now. They are so transparent and it's taken me 50 years and the loss of my youthful looks to see it.

Thanks for the cheerful message. Just what's needed on a cold and dreary morning. Cheers!

In a professional setting, the decline in attention is noticeable (and a relief). That said, I'm also very senior and so I suspect that has a big impact on how people treat me.

If it makes you appreciate the cold and dreary morning then it’s been worth it

I'm past middle age, but been invisible for years !
Not that I had that much attention in my younger days ( average looks) but now it's zero
I don't care at all , but it must be harder for those who have had lots of attention or been very attractive and now are not as much

Exactly mast6060 and RUNPMTS I've never experienced visibility, so being invisible is my life. Completely alien concept.

80.9 for women, i wasnt gender specific enough assuming im only choosing between 2.

40.5 years old you are precisely half way there.

Get living

That's cheerful 😀

Not true in the U.K. at least, where woman live to average 83. Our family, we're averaging 91.

Middle age for us starts at 40.

Yeah, I always thought middle age is 40+

Same. I've never been attractive. All the posters saying it's a relief not to be hassled all of the time, this is totally alien to me!

Strangely, I don't consider myself to be unattractive. I was a very awkward early teen but since my late teens I've been able to hold my own in terms of attracting people I want to attract and have often been told I'm attractive (just not generally by random undesirables). But at the same time I've never really felt like I get hassled. So I dunno!

I'm worried about this at work..also 38 and the older women say make the most of it because I'm at a point where I'm experienced enough at work to be taken seriously and listened to, but the older women say it's short lived and in a few years you are being ignored and told you don't have the 'energy' for x high profile project etc.

In fact, one thing I have noticed as I get older is that more people make eye contact and smile at me (of all genders, ages, but possibly more noticeably women). I seem to have got more approachable and friendlier looking as I get older!