Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

[blebbleb]

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

@Mercurian I was also invisible in my teens. I definitely get noticed more now I dress better and I was painfully thin as a teenager!

I am 43, this last year has been the worst ever for unwanted male attention. Definitely not invisible yet unfortunately. It's got worse the more senior, confident and "don't care, not playing that game" I've got - apparently this is a specially alluring quality to the men I work with. I've had to make 3 complaints of sexual harassment this year!

I love a cheerful post😂. I think it is slightly more than 70 these days but yes 40 is middle aged I'd say.

To answer the OP then of course you become a bit invisible to younger men. They might think you are attractive for your age but wouldn't want to date you.

Who cares though? I wouldn't want a younger man and my Husband still fancies me.

I'm already invisible, I'm a wheelchair user, people walk into me, get in the queue in front of me, serve other people before me, move me out of the way like an inanimate object if they want to be where I am

I think you’re just bigger and bolder when you’re younger and you just calm down and aren’t as forward when you’re older which is wrong! As someone who went through pnd and feelings of isolation you’re only way out is to make yourself be seen, smile, nod, chat!

i too would have already considered you middle aged @blebbleb (sorry if that’s an issue for you). I don’t “feel invisible” I feel fine and no different than I did twenty years ago.

I'm 43, I'm pretty average I'd say, but never felt invisible. I don't think it has anything to do with age but with attitude and how you present yourself to the world.

Another thing I just thought of now is that it also depends on who else is in the room. I feel so shallow saying this, but eyes tend to go for whoever is the hottest. If you are with gorgeous, slim 20 somethings, they will get the attention over an attractive 30 or 40+ woman UNLESS the guy actively likes older women or is your age and not a creep, sees young women as too young for him... rare type of guy, but still there is hope.
I'm invisible next to some women but get so much attention it makes the atmosphere awkward when I am the most attractive there.

Yes, this definitely! I used to be the mid 20 year old loving the attention, but it is so eye opening seeing how some as it is not all men treat female colleagues differently according to age. It's my Xmas party tonight and I know I will see some if the male senior team drinking with some of the young uns.

Having said that at 49 in the office I really try to project confidence and comfort in my skin and do feel I have friends at work of all ages and genders. I think the more you feel invisible it comes across and you become invisible. Act confident and positive (even if you want to die inside) and people do notice you.

For me it happened when I had passed my mid 40s. I did have a baby at 40 who didn't sleep so that didn't help matters as I had no spare bandwidth for anything outside of that, work and the basics of living. When I came up for air, it was obvious that I had became completely invisible to men. To be fair I didn't attract masses of attention when I was younger as I was never the most beautiful or even attractive woman in the room, though definitely more than now.

Now in my 50s I definitely invisible. I kind of like it. Despite not having a lot of attention from men when I was younger, a lot of that was still unwanted and yet at the same time I remember feeling inadequate because the attention was not enough or of the wrong kind or whatever. So I am pretty stoked that I haven't had to deal with that for years now. I love the feeling of not giving a fuck what people (ie men!) think of me

Not necessarily. It depends on how you present yourself.
If you've allowed yourself to become dowdy and frumpy then you're going to be invisible.
Personality helps too.

Invisible to who?

Im grey haired and thick waisted. I was very petite and pretty when younger and my teenage years and older were plagued by creeps. I was even hit on by two male bosses in my twenties.

I don’t feel invisible to any one except teenagers (but we know that’s a given if your over 20) and the sort of men who would have creeped me out years ago.

So to me it’s a blessing. I certainly don’t feel invisible to other women, and they’re the only ones who matter in my book.

I’m early 40s (so well into my geriatric years according to TinTime) and still get a lot of attention. As per a pp it’s more about weight than age for me. I get checked out a lot at size 12-14, a bit at size 16 then not at all on the couple of occasions I have drifted above that.

It depends what you mean by invisible. I definitely get less admiration and leering from men in my 40s, but in general I get more interaction from other people, possibly because I have relaxed my Fuck Off Face due to no longer feeling targeted by perverts.

Shop assistants are all over me now, and I am top pick for asking the time in the street, asking directions, and generally being considered an upstanding member of society. Unfortunately some of those people asking the time turn out to be perverts still. And in fairness my directions are pretty shit.

I am another who has always been invisible due to being fat. In my experience being invisible does have its advantages - I have (very fortunately) never been harassed by a man in the street or been sexually assaulted. I have never been the victim of unwanted attention.

What I have noticed however is that the older I get (47 and 3 quarters) the more I refuse to be invisible to those arsehole men who try to barrel over me. I love a game of street chicken (when a bloke is walking directly towards you and expects you to veer off. Trust me mate, I am going to do you WAY more damage than you would do me...). Or in a queue when I have been waiting ages and someone decides to push in front. Or in a meeting in work when actually I am the one who is the specialist on this subject, and quite frankly your mansplaining wont cut it.

Also I wear comfy shoes ALL THE TIME and no one notices or cares! This has to be one of the best things about invisibility.

I think of middle age as 50ish

Nobody becomes invisible to anyone whose opinion actually matters.

Is this accurate? Most people do not make beyond 70? News to me!

Perhaps with the state of the NHS it will become that way but hopefully not right now.

You're already middle aged, can't tell if stealth boost or classic mumsnrt pretending you aren't middle aged till 80.
Anyway, good for you that you don't look middle aged yet but yes when you do you'll find yourself overlooked.

I have just googled it.

The most common age of death in the UK is 88 for women and 86 for men – as Government figures show how lives have got longer since 1974

I’m fifty, look between 5 and 10 years younger depending on how tired I am, petite, pretty. I still receive a lot of attention but mainly from older men. But then I don’t much look at younger men in case they think I’m weird.

As others have said, women smile at me more now because I’m not a threat. I think if you’re middle aged then you’ll still get attention if you dress up and wear makeup but I feel that I look aesthetically pleasing rather than sexy. But that might be because I had an early menopause and don’t feel at all sexy!

I used to get a ridiculous amount of male attention when I was younger but fortunately it all stopped when I got married at 27. I’m 53 now and find people are very friendly towards me which is really nice.

I don't know about invisible, but the annoying male attention definitely starts to wane for most women in their 40s and I've found it a relief. I suspect being invisible isn't great though if you need to get someone's attention urgently.

Aren't you just a little ray of sunshine

I’m 53 now and find people are very friendly towards me which is really nice

Yes I agree, people are definitely more friendly to me now.