Do you become "invisible" in middle age?

[blebbleb]

I'm 38 so not quite there yet but as I'm getting older I'm worrying about becoming invisible and ignored as I get older. I'm fairly attractive and I'm worried this is my main redeeming feature and I'm boring otherwise! I do have a good job, friends, and family too. Hoping to hear stories where this isn't the case!

Recently ? None
In my lifetime ? Loads
Why is that seen as odd ?

Interesting. How old are you? I'm 51 and I don't think I've ever had a meaningful conversation with anyone born in the 19th century. The oldest relative that I knew was my great-grandmother who died when I was about 13. I'm actually not exactly sure when she was born, but I think it was 1900/1901. But even if she was born in the 19th century, I wasn't having conversations with her about what "old" means when I was 11/12.

I guess if I was 10 years older it would be different. Then somebody born in the 19th century would "only" be just over 60 years older than me rather than over 70 and it would be more likely I would have been old enough to have a proper conversation with them before they were too old (or no longer alive)

I hear that MI5 do actually do this…

That would be someone born between 1800-1899!

To put this in perspective, one of my my great grandmothers was born in 1869 and another in 1875. I talked to them. Although I don’t recall discussing the middle age range with either.

Not really. To a small extent men are less interested, but it tends to be less of the creepy lechy ones, so that's fine by me.

Otherwise, no. I have no issues being listened to at work, getting served in pubs, walking through crowds etc - that's improved as I get older and more confident.

One bonus is you look more trustworthy. I've been helped when I've had a problem, when they might not have believed a younger person's tale of woe. Eg a couple of years ago I lost my purse and train tickets on the tube and could have been stranded in London. I got home safe as the guard let me out the tube barrier, and then a guard let me on my train home. Another guard let me out at my home station. Would they have believed me and helped a 20 year old saying the same thing? I doubt it.

I’m finding this thread so fascinating and am learning a lot about myself! Because I’m the opposite, I’ve lost train tickets in my twenties and never had any issues with guards letting me through. I also never have any issues if the alarm goes off when I leave a shop or something, I’m not treated suspiciously.

Basically I think I look fairly attractive, middle class and a bit square which means I’m seen as trustworthy but not particularly interesting to listen to.

I’ve never had that much male attention anyway, but neither would I describe myself as ‘invisible’ - the term suggests that your validity as a human being should be measured by your physical attractiveness- not helpful.

I staffed an event with a younger woman. Public approached her before me. It was v stark actually. Prior to being 50 I hadn't experienced this.

Absolutely. Not being noticed by men is not invisibility. Even if every single male on the planet no longer sees you, well that still leaves half the population. There's not a lot we can do about what men choose to ignore, but we can still see each other, so we're not invisible.

The event was attended by families. Both sexes didn’t notice me.

To certain men, yes and fuck me is it brilliant! Turns out it was only really the arseholes who bother women they don’t know.
More unusually I did get it recently from 2 young women in their mid -20s in a work situation who shut me out of a conversation as we all waited around pre-project.

their faces when they realised I was the new boss they hadn’t yet met were priceless! Needless to say they got the donkey work that day and hopefully learned a valuable lesson about respecting everyone regardless of your first impression/ their age etc.

‘One bonus is you look more trustworthy’

this is spades! People believe what I tell them. And listen.
Works both ways too- I am now the keeper of secrets at work, people have confided the most intimate things,
asked for advice, used me as a sounding board. Even those I’m not very close with. I feel like the wise old woman of the dell
sometimes.

And let's all remember that invisibility is a superpower!

I am 54, I make a massive effort with my appearance and I know I pass for much younger...my friend is a few years older, has grey hair, doesn't really bother at all and is proud of it. Literally she is ignored, I tend to order things when we are together as she is just overlooked constantly.

I still do hair, make up earrings, scent colours that flatter, I likebso called classics but update all the time.

and i dont think its that anybody thinks you're a decade younger. Nope. It's that they're taking their cue from you. They know instantly, this is not a woman who'll just shrug if i serve the man behind her first.

Average life expectancy in the U.K. is 84…. What on earth makes you think most people don’t live past 70?

No.

I would agree with this, probably start a riot on MN but I have friends who love being invisible and don't make any effort; I have known them for years so I know that there was a time in their lives when they did.

Thought of this thread on Sat I went to get coffee with dd2 and her friend both stunning 15 year olds. Chap took their orders then started to process the order. Hadn’t even seen me standing right next to them! Had to say “err I would like a coffee too?!” And I was the one that was paying!

I am not an invisible mousy type either!

But why should anybody "have" to make an effort? If someone wants to have grey hair, wear no make up etc they should still be afforded common decency. I mean if you want to make the effort for yourself, fair enough. But it should be an equally valid choice not to.

I'm in the less effort camp. I know that this means I am overlooked by some people. I accept it. I don't see it as "my" problem. I'll speak up if I have to but I don't need anyone's validation. I personally have found it quite freeing to not have to focus so much on my appearance.

@Tintime2022 , middle-aged is 45-65 these days.

Depends what area you live in. Healthy life expectancy varies even more widely.

35-55 is middle aged, after that you are in your later years. Not many go on past 110 😅 peak age about 87 -Most people die between the age of 70 and 110.

No it isn’t. 🤣

65 is nearly retirement age!

Retirement age is 68.
Middle age is roughly past childbearing to retirement.
Look at famous people like Gary Lineker, Nigella Lawson, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt etc. They're hardly elderley or about to retire