GRANDMA took her chocolate back

[Myblummin]

So, my narcissistic, gaslighting, stonewalling, master manipulater mother and enabling father turned up unannounced yesterday.

I've learnt to deal with them by being civil and not emotionally involved so they can't pull my strings.

She has no relationship with our child who is three. When they knocked my child went to answer the door. When she saw it was them she ran off and hid in the living room crying. Then when they came in she continued to cry so Grandma said look at what I've bought you. It was a four pack of white chocolate. She gave her one chocolate bar out of a four pack. She reluctantly took the chocolate and stopped crying. Once finished she started crying again so Grandma gave her another chocolate bar (internally I shook my head, but I'm conditioned to not challenge her). We try to have civil conversation, but my child is sat on me and making sure I don't leave her and crying. When they said they were going my child stood up gave grandma her bag and went and opened the front door. She said bye and shut the door behind them.

After she left I noticed Grandma had taken her chocolate that she bought her.

Am I being unreasonable to be letting this irritate me. I know my child was rude by adult standards, but no need to take the chocolate back! It's just another minor aggression to add to a mountain of them. I should learn, but this time she is messing with my child.

Get a ring doorbell and don't let them in again. If they don't have a relationship with your child anyway why not just cut contact altogether, doesn't sound like there's any good reason to have them in your life.

It was a multi pack, she may have had no intention of leaving extra bars

She sounds fucking horrible, your poor daughter. I wouldn't be having that at all. That would be NC for me.

I've voted YABU, because you need to go no contact. Why does your child cry continually around them? Why are you letting them do this to the both of you?

did she buy all of thr bars for her or just meant some of the bars ?

This. She probably sucks in many ways, but this isn't really one.

Why is it that you are putting yourself and your child through this?

Yabu to let her into your house in the first place

Why let her in and see your child if it makes your child cry?

Are we all reading the same op!?
YANBU @Myblummin
She sounds awful. Well done for keeping your dd away from her.

Is it easier for you to have this kind of contact or do you think you could go no contact?

She might be all sorts of awful in other ways but she's done nothing wrong with this chocolate. She gave your DC two bars - you've said you internally shook your head at the second one, so why would you want your DC to be given another two bars? Why would you expect it?

The chocolate, meh! Maybe she just forgot. Maybe she wanted to use it to manipulate another child. Did she bring other presents? What was the point of the visit if they are so rare?

The fact your kid is crying though is unusual. Does she do this with everyone who comes into the house? Is she picking up high levels of stress and anxiety from you? If it's the second one then you need to think about whether there's any point to the interaction you have with your parents if it upsets you and your child so much.

Why aren't you protecting your child from this woman?

Er it does suck

If she was giving them out one at a time then that seems fair enough

Please dont let her do shit like this to your chilf, make this your line in the sand moment.

If it was a multipack it doesn't seem horrendous that she gave your child some bars but took some home. It sounds like your view of her is marred whatever. Having said that, you clearly need to start standing up for yourself and your child. You don't need to let someone you clearly dislike into your home. You don't have to let that person bribe your child with chocolate (internally shaking your head isn't achieving anything).
Buy a ringdoor bell (or similar) and stop letting in people you don't like who turn up unannounced.

If she is so awful that she makes your child cry I wouldn’t have invited her in .

I don't understand why you let her in the house?

why did you think she was going to leave it

why on earth was your dc crying?

Your child was not rude. She's allowed to be upset and express that at 3.

It's odd that she didn't leave the rest of the pack- but hardly surprising, given your description of the woman.

Clearly we aren't reading the same OP as she isn't keeping her DD away at all.

The chocolate is a total red herring. You need to think long and hard about whether even this level of contact is good for you. It sounds like it isn't.

I'm not discounting your previous experiences but I see nothing wrong with this. Your dc had 2 bars from a four pack. I'd want someone to take them off as it's too much for one child.

you didnt approve she gave her another chocolate and now you dont approve because she didnt leave it?

As a stand alone thing it doesn't look like much. But how many big things have had a little thing as the last straw? I wouldn't have thought anything of a multipack being taken away.

OP you can go NC with these people. It's very freeing.