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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

375 replies

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:22

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

OP posts:
luckylavender · 14/12/2022 10:52

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/12/2022 10:51

You might actually do more harm than good if work finds out he speaks to you on the phone every hour while he is driving.

This

Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 10:52

If it’s one tick on WhatsApp it’s not delivered so he’s in an area with no signal.

is he a delivery person?

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/12/2022 10:52

EmmaC78 · 14/12/2022 10:42

I think your post indicates you do suffer from anxiety. Crying over this is not a normal reaction at all.

Show quote history

This. ^ Crying all morning because your husband has not been contactable since he went out to work this morning, (and it's not even 11am yet,) is not normal behaviour. It's really not, no matter how many people say it is.

Musthavebeenbadinapastlife · 14/12/2022 10:54

Is it an iPhone and does he work outside?
They are rubbish at working in very cold weather.

Using an iOS or iPadOS device in very cold conditions outside its operating range may temporarily shorten battery life and could cause your device to turn off. Battery life will return to normal when you bring your device back to higher ambient temperatures

FluffyFlower · 14/12/2022 10:54

Please try to distract yourself from this constant worry, and hourly check ins. Most likely everything is fine. Think about it rationally: does the worrying help? If he has one tick most likely his phone is out of battery or he is in a no coverage zone.

SmileyClare · 14/12/2022 10:55

Thefriendlyone · 14/12/2022 10:52

If it’s one tick on WhatsApp it’s not delivered so he’s in an area with no signal.

is he a delivery person?

Good point. That shows you he has no phone signal

One grey tick = not delivered
Two grey ticks= delivered, not read
Two blue ticks=read

ICanHideButICantRun · 14/12/2022 10:56

You shouldn't call or message someone when they're driving in bad conditions. What are you thinking of? The very last thing they need is a distraction.

TurtleTriplets · 14/12/2022 10:58

I hope he turns up and is fine, I can see why you are worried under the circumstances, I am sure it will be a signal problem due to the weather.

I wouldn't call his employer just yet though.

EndlessRain1 · 14/12/2022 11:00

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:44

My concern would be that the Police would take them and switch them off if he had been involved in an accident.

In this situation theyt woud inform his work of course.

I think YABU, I would be embarrased in your husband's shoes if you did that.

MiddleParking · 14/12/2022 11:01

Is he in construction or similar? Mine wasn’t in touch all day yesterday because his hands were too cold to work his phone.

CrownTheTurkey · 14/12/2022 11:02

You're worried that he's had an accident, yet your willing to cause an accident by speaking to him on the phone while he's driving!
You need to give yourself a stern talking to and stop being foolish.

ImAvingOops · 14/12/2022 11:05

If you can't reach him, work won't be able to either and you'll just make yourself look crazy.
Walt a couple of hours - network could be down or service patchy.

Palmfrond · 14/12/2022 11:06

We’ve been having adverse weather, in some cases very adverse and also very variable in terms of location vs severity. It’s possible phone masts are down etc. I think the only thing that would make both phones suddenly uncontactable is either lack of service or direct lightning strike. Probability strongly favours the former option.
I don’t know why PPs are being such ducks to OP re her anxiety, but yeah, call your DP as much as you want, but the crying does sound like you would benefit from acknowledging and addressing some anxiety there.

Tdcp · 14/12/2022 11:06

If it's really out of character for him I'd call them and check as he's uncontactable. It's probably nothing but given the weather and it being so unusual, I don't think you're crazy for calling.

EL0ISE · 14/12/2022 11:07

If he had been in an accident In a works vehicle then the police would have contacted his employer. So you know it can’t be that @mindisdoingovertime

Most likely thing is lack of signal as Pp have said.

SmileyClare · 14/12/2022 11:11

Musthavebeenbadinapastlife · 14/12/2022 10:54

Is it an iPhone and does he work outside?
They are rubbish at working in very cold weather.

Using an iOS or iPadOS device in very cold conditions outside its operating range may temporarily shorten battery life and could cause your device to turn off. Battery life will return to normal when you bring your device back to higher ambient temperatures

This.
My husbands phone didn’t have service in -6 degrees yesterday x

saraclara · 14/12/2022 11:12

Do not call someone while they're driving, even if they use hands-free.

...A later US study also found that when drivers were conversing on either a handheld or hands-free mobile phone, braking reaction times were delayed ....and they were involved in more road traffic crashes than when they were not conversing on a phone (Strayer et al., 2006). It is not surprising then that when researchers have examined injury crashes, mobile phone use while driving was associated with a four-fold increase in crash risk independent of whether the mobile phone was hands-free or hand-held (Redelmeier and Tibshirani, 1997; McEvoy et al, 2005).

www.drivermetrics.com/blog/research-evidence-dangers-hands-free-mobile-phone-driving/

10HailMarys · 14/12/2022 11:12

His phone's probably just playing up or something. If he'd been in accident the police wouldn't switch his phone off.

I have to agree with previous posters that (even if you usually talk to your husband every hour during the working day) it's definitely not normal or healthy to be in tears and wanting to get his van traced because he's been incommunicado for a few hours. And if he's talking to you or getting messages from you all the time when he's driving, that's quite a distraction for someone who's on the road, surely?

Hont1986 · 14/12/2022 11:13

Calling him so often during the day while he is driving is far more of a danger to him (and others) than him driving in cold weather.

KevinsChilli · 14/12/2022 11:13

Speaking to each other every hour of the working day must surely be disruptive! What on earth do you talk about. Maybe stop doing this, as when things like this happen you're clearly getting over anxious. Crying all morning as you haven't been able to get through to his phones is just OTT.

Divebar2021 · 14/12/2022 11:13

Is he in a works van or does he carry ID with him. Assuming he was involved in an accident the police would be in touch with his employer and would obtain your details from them. If they had the phones they wouldn’t turn them off they’d keep them on and answer any calls that came in. They would be vague on the phone and would probably try and ascertain your identity before disclosing anything. if they couldn’t ascertain identity of the causality they would try and access the contact list for the emergency contact details. ( if shown) or obvious numbers like “Mum”

A major accident (with severe injuries or death) would cause the road to be closed for several hours which would probably cause major traffic disruptions. So those are the likely actions from a major accident. If the accident was an hour ago you probably wouldn’t know yet but if it was at 06.00 you probably would.

Or there is another innocent explanation

keepcalm11 · 14/12/2022 11:14

I wouldn't call personally but I think OP should due to crying all morning. If they can't tell you anything then at least you've tried and due to the level of contact in your relationship (whatever other opinions on this) DH won't think it strange for you to have been worried

HughJarWang · 14/12/2022 11:14

I have to agree with previous posters that (even if you usually talk to your husband every hour during the working day) it's definitely not normal or healthy to be in tears and wanting to get his van traced because he's been incommunicado for a few hours

Agree with this, and all the others who say that this degree of anxiety is not healthy or normal.

1983Louise · 14/12/2022 11:16

Why on earth do you speak every hour when you should both be working, that's very distracting for both of you. I'd cut out the chat and spend the time working on your separate anxiety.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 14/12/2022 11:16

OP it's not even lunch time yet. I think you're overreacting.

If I called my DH every hour at work we would both get fired. Its normal for me that he gets up and leaves without waking me and I don't see or hear from him until he's about to head home.

If you call his work and say you can't contact him, all they're going to do is ask if there is an emergency reason why you need to talk to him. When you say no you just want to chat and do it all the time they'll be pissed off and your DH will be in trouble.

It's not even a 'he usually calls me when he reaches work' situation as his job literally involves driving around. He could not have phone battery, phone service, accidentally turned on airplane mode or the roads are icy and he just needs to concentrate.

You made the post before 10:30 am. I'd wait a while longer before you're the wife that rings to check on her husband before most peoples morning break.