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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

375 replies

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:22

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

OP posts:
Emerald95 · 15/12/2022 20:53

SharkBrilliant · 15/12/2022 19:12

And for a different perspective for the posters saying “well, some of us love each other enough to chat all throughout the day…”

A few years back I worked in a very male dominated industry and was the only woman at our work site. I was surprised by the number of men who would moan at the start of their break and say “I better call the missus otherwise she’ll get upset/ring work to check I’m not dead/think I’m cheating” and then start the conversation like “hey baby, how’s your day going” with total fake enthusiasm….

It made me very wary of ever saying to a partner “call me on your break or at xxx time everyday” because a lot of men see it as a chore, even if they won’t admit it to you

The other side of this scenario is that they want to call their wife and check in but are complaining to 'save face' as being in love with your spouse and wanting to talk to them is seen a being whipped or not the manly thing to do

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 21:10

So piling on and misrepresenting the op is ok.

Sleeponit · 15/12/2022 21:16

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:44

My concern would be that the Police would take them and switch them off if he had been involved in an accident.

Hello, hope you're okay? Did you hear from him?

Cm078 · 15/12/2022 21:44

Just reading through, i hope he's ok and safe. The roads have been awful!

Helpplease888 · 15/12/2022 21:47

ShellsOnTheBeach · 14/12/2022 10:35

It's only 10.30 for God's sake. You need to relax - do you always get stressed this easily?

Helpful.

maddening · 15/12/2022 21:52

Hope.you located him op!

Melm22 · 15/12/2022 21:53

Hey OP hope everything turned out ok and your husband is safe 🤞

SJT89 · 15/12/2022 21:54

@mindisdoingovertime is your husband okay?! You haven’t put anything else on here since yesterday morning with hundreds of responses.
I hope he ended up being okay and there was no need for worry.
I also understand where your worry is coming from and I would have contacted his work too if it was out of character.

knittingaddict · 15/12/2022 22:08

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 19:16

How would I know? I don’t work at MN. Goodness, you vipers must be incredibly miserable irl.

Show quote history

No, we are well balanced and not over invested in online drama. Can't believe how desperate people are for an update.

GoAgainstNicki · 15/12/2022 22:21

OP if you’re still reading this, please do not come back and update these people. People have been so quick to judge and criticise you yet some of those same people are now begging for updates? The majority don’t actually care and are more nosy than anything.

I hope everything was okay in the end🤞

DixonD · 15/12/2022 22:27

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:33

We ring each other at least every hour through the work day and have done for years. Both phones are not contactable. This is the first time this has happened in the 4 years he has worked there.

How do you get anything else done? That’s insane!

Funfamilytimes · 15/12/2022 23:07

Wow, some people. A woman is worried about the man she loves. They have a close relationship and with the weather and it being out of character, it’s fine to be! I really do hope he is okay and that she is after reading all these horrible comments. Just because you don’t know someone in person doesn’t mean you can’t care about them/their situation!

Oliol · 15/12/2022 23:13

If a friend told me that they called/were called by their partner AT LEAST once an hour - so it's obviously sometimes more - I'd be genuinely concerned. Not about anxiety or whatever, but that one of them was driving this level of contact, and exerting a degree of control in the other's absence.

Saying, 'well, it's their normal,' doesn't erase my feeling of discomfort over reading it, tbh.

I think the OP is long gone, incidentally.

SharkBrilliant · 16/12/2022 00:05

Emerald95 · 15/12/2022 20:53

The other side of this scenario is that they want to call their wife and check in but are complaining to 'save face' as being in love with your spouse and wanting to talk to them is seen a being whipped or not the manly thing to do

Show quote history

And the other side of this scenario is that two of the guys at this work place had girlfriends their wives/partners didn’t know about.

I’m not saying every man that phones their wife during the day is coerced to do so, but some men are extremely two faced behind their partners back…. Just like women can be

Notmeagain23 · 16/12/2022 01:15

You were not being unreasonable at all! Hope he is ok! I’m the same with my DH in terms of chatting in the day - nothing wrong with that if it works for you!

LoisLane66 · 16/12/2022 06:02

If it's icy and dangerous driving conditions, why are you expecting him to take a phone call when he's probably concentrating on his driving? How silly.

Twinsmamma · 16/12/2022 06:42

I didn’t realize how normal it was to speak to your husband all day while working!! We did in the early years but now it’s a quick call on the way home to check we are ok and what’s for their tea :D I really love my job to be fair and get very engrossed in it so even checking WhatsApps is left till the evening some days! Or if I’m home with the kids I don’t even know where my phone is all day!! Interesting reading how different some relationships are! For anyone wondering the husband in question was no doubt ok, that’s my perception from the lack of responses

Zonder · 16/12/2022 06:45

Twinsmamma · 16/12/2022 06:42

I didn’t realize how normal it was to speak to your husband all day while working!! We did in the early years but now it’s a quick call on the way home to check we are ok and what’s for their tea :D I really love my job to be fair and get very engrossed in it so even checking WhatsApps is left till the evening some days! Or if I’m home with the kids I don’t even know where my phone is all day!! Interesting reading how different some relationships are! For anyone wondering the husband in question was no doubt ok, that’s my perception from the lack of responses

Nor me. I don't know how anyone does it without it having a significant impact on working output. I'm quite busy when I'm working and so is dh. We have the evenings to chat so in the day we just message when we need to check something.

Grrrpredictivetex · 16/12/2022 10:20

@mindisdoingovertime
Did you find your husband?

WisherWood · 16/12/2022 10:58

A woman is worried about the man she loves. They have a close relationship and with the weather and it being out of character, it’s fine to be!

That bit's fine, it's the level of reaction that was concerning. The OP said I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning. That's just not healthy, it's not a good state to be in. I'd be concerned about my partner being out on the roads at 5am in the ice. But the last thing I'd do is phone him because I'd be concerned that I'd be putting him and others on the road at risk by doing so. I'd have waited until lunch time, because it's perfectly legit to contact your partner then, tried calling, and if no luck then I'd have called his work to see if they were concerned.

Of course there was the chance that something had happened to him, there always will be that chance. But the odds were that he was fine and if you start crying about what might happen, instead of what is happening, you are going to spend a lot of time unnecessarily upset. So it's better to keep the worrying at bay by keeping busy and save the crying for when the shit thing actually happens.

cavalier · 16/12/2022 11:21

Hi don’t worry about what others think…
jist do what is right and make sure hubby ok
i wouldn’t give a fig what people think of me especially as I get older ..: My husband my souls mate and love so … him first and my children and grandchildren always

VeganStar · 16/12/2022 11:36

Hi op. I hope you DH is ok.
I think it’s really sweet of you both to keep in touch with each other throughout the day.
I hope you come back and let us know as some of us are genuinely interested.
ignore the miserable hard hearted people who don’t understand the type of relationship you both have.

RampantIvy · 16/12/2022 12:07

ignore the miserable hard hearted people who don’t understand the type of relationship you both have.

I don't think they are being "hard and miserable". They are just being practical. DH and I have been married for over 41 years and still love each other, but I would hate to be on the phone to him every hour while apart. I would feel stifled and constrained. I would also hate to be constantly interrupted while I am busy.

It says a lot about the OP's job if she can do this. It must be an undemanding job or she can't be very busy.

I am, however, on the side of the OP for being worried because if she is used to this kind of contact then to not hear from her DH for several hours must be worrying.

wintertime9 · 16/12/2022 13:20

Has to be a fake story

Stewball01 · 18/12/2022 13:45

I agree with Tokyosushe

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