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Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

375 replies

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:22

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 15/12/2022 19:12

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 18:24

Would it be unreasonable to ask MN to check on OP? I think some of us are as worried about her as she was about her dh. I hope all is well.

Yes. Hth.

And how exactly would you expect them to do that anyway?

SharkBrilliant · 15/12/2022 19:12

And for a different perspective for the posters saying “well, some of us love each other enough to chat all throughout the day…”

A few years back I worked in a very male dominated industry and was the only woman at our work site. I was surprised by the number of men who would moan at the start of their break and say “I better call the missus otherwise she’ll get upset/ring work to check I’m not dead/think I’m cheating” and then start the conversation like “hey baby, how’s your day going” with total fake enthusiasm….

It made me very wary of ever saying to a partner “call me on your break or at xxx time everyday” because a lot of men see it as a chore, even if they won’t admit it to you

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 19:16

MayThe4th · 15/12/2022 19:12

Yes. Hth.

And how exactly would you expect them to do that anyway?

Show quote history

How would I know? I don’t work at MN. Goodness, you vipers must be incredibly miserable irl.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/12/2022 19:21

WisherWood · 15/12/2022 09:15

@PurpleButterflyWings fair enough 😀At least the explanation is there for anyone who genuinely had visions of cows being watered in the same fashion as houseplants.

For anyone requiring an update: the OP's DH got his signal back about 11am and discovered 35 missed calls and texts from the OP. He was horrified and crashed into a ditch, as his phone would not stop pinging once it was back in range. Fortunately no-one was hurt, but a local farmer was not impressed at having to pull the van out of an icy ditch and had a few choice words about it, mainly along the lines of 'fuck's sake, there's cows out there that need watering you know'.

The OP is now too embarrassed to return to the thread. She has however fitted her husband with a tracker and is currently fretting because that too is out of signal.

The moral of the story, as Mark Twain said, 'I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened'.

@WisherWood Brilliant! 😂

MayThe4th · 15/12/2022 19:21

I originally saw this thread yesterday and read the OP’s posts only.

When I saw it was trending just now I clicked on it to see what the outcome had been, and I see that there are fourteen pages of posters who are in two camps. The “I am sooooo worried” (yeah, course you are), camp, and the “OP is controlling/coercive/suffering from mental health problems” camp, with seemingly no middle ground.

Some people communicate a lot, and if the OP’s dh is driving then it’s not as if she’s bothering him at work or vice versa. But just because some people don’t communicate on that level doesn’t mean that their setup is wrong. They’re obviously both happy with it and if it’s unusual for both his phones to be switched off on a morning where there is black ice on the roads then of course she is likely to be worried.

And as for the “worried” camp, no, you’re really not that worried about the OP. You just want an update to satisfy your curiosity. If you are really that* worried about a name on a screen on an internet site then it’s probably time to step back. And no. OP doesn’t owe anyone an update, but FWIW I would have assumed that no update means that something had happened to him and that OP has bigger fish to fry.

ChodeOfChodeBall · 15/12/2022 19:26

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 18:24

Would it be unreasonable to ask MN to check on OP? I think some of us are as worried about her as she was about her dh. I hope all is well.

Yes, it would be unreasonable and then some.

ChodeOfChodeBall · 15/12/2022 19:27

Isinglass20 · 15/12/2022 18:19

OP - having to make contact with your partner every hour while at work and then getting so upset when unable suggests co-ercive control by your partner.
This is what his employers will conclude.

What will they conclude? That the husband is the victim of his coercive and controlling wife who won't let him get a day's work done without having to call her every hour?

Pismascrescents · 15/12/2022 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pascor · 15/12/2022 19:40

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:33

We ring each other at least every hour through the work day and have done for years. Both phones are not contactable. This is the first time this has happened in the 4 years he has worked there.

At least every hour? So usually more? WTF can you possibly have to say to eahc other every 45 minutes? And how do either of you get anything done?

Honestly, if you ring his work and tell them you're worried because you normally speak very 45 minutes, he could be looking at disciplinary for spending half his day on the phone to you!

WisherWood · 15/12/2022 19:47

if the OP’s dh is driving then it’s not as if she’s bothering him at work or vice versa.

It means she's distracting him while he's driving which, frankly, is worse.

Isinglass20 · 15/12/2022 20:09

The OPs DP coercing OP to keep in contact all day. Sorry it seems like coercive control by the DP. For whatever reason he is not contacting OP and nothing to do with lack of signal- he’s supposedly driving round.

Nicollewalker94 · 15/12/2022 20:13

Hey op is your husband OK?

Nicollewalker94 · 15/12/2022 20:14

Ignore all the shitty comments your main concern is your partner nothing else I hope he's OK and safe.

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/12/2022 20:16

Isinglass20 · 15/12/2022 20:09

The OPs DP coercing OP to keep in contact all day. Sorry it seems like coercive control by the DP. For whatever reason he is not contacting OP and nothing to do with lack of signal- he’s supposedly driving round.

That doesn't make sense. Confused

saraclara · 15/12/2022 20:16

WisherWood · 15/12/2022 19:47

if the OP’s dh is driving then it’s not as if she’s bothering him at work or vice versa.

It means she's distracting him while he's driving which, frankly, is worse.

Also, driving IS his work.

YellowTreeHouse · 15/12/2022 20:16

Isinglass20 · 15/12/2022 20:09

The OPs DP coercing OP to keep in contact all day. Sorry it seems like coercive control by the DP. For whatever reason he is not contacting OP and nothing to do with lack of signal- he’s supposedly driving round.

What a massive leap… and a load of bollocks 😂

SmileyClare · 15/12/2022 20:17

some of us are as worried about op as she was about her dh

Youre as worried about op as you would be about a loved one missing? Hmm

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/12/2022 20:19

@MysteryBelle

Would it be unreasonable to ask MN to check on OP? I think some of us are as worried about her as she was about her dh. I hope all is well.

WTAF? 😂

PurpleButterflyWings · 15/12/2022 20:20

SmileyClare · 15/12/2022 20:17

some of us are as worried about op as she was about her dh

Youre as worried about op as you would be about a loved one missing? Hmm

This. ^

This thread gets more batshit by the minute. 😜

Sleepysophie · 15/12/2022 20:28

But it’s now evening. Is he home?

Wakk · 15/12/2022 20:33

I'm sure he's fine.

excelledyourself · 15/12/2022 20:34

Sleepysophie · 15/12/2022 20:28

But it’s now evening. Is he home?

This post was started yesterday morning.

iklboo · 15/12/2022 20:34

Would it be unreasonable to ask MN to check on OP? I think some of us are as worried about her as she was about her dh. I hope all is well.

Translation - I'm salivating for juicy news updates. My need is more important than OP's.

Even if MNHQ did check on her do you honestly think they'd share with us?

MysteryBelle · 15/12/2022 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WisherWood · 15/12/2022 20:51

Serious point, please, if you're bored when driving, try to concentrate on the actual driving. You should find that's plenty enough to keep you occupied. There are plenty of studies out there about the dangers of using mobile phones whilst driving, including whilst hands free.

I'll say one thing for this thread, it explains it explains the standard of driving that I see out there.

In all likelihood both the OP and her DH are absolutely fine. And if they're not, whilst it's sad, there is unfortunately nothing you can do about it, so try to focus on the people around you who you do know. I'm sure they would appreciate the concern.