Page 10 | Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

mindisdoingovertime · 2022-12-14T10:22:37+00:00

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls. It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning! Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp. He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year). Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries. What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

newfence · 14/12/2022 18:22

Did you manage to get hold of him, OP? I've been thinking about you today as I would be the same with my husband, we speak a lot during the day also.

Snowpatrolling · 14/12/2022 18:24

EE is having problems, I know another phone network is aswell.

SmileyClare · 14/12/2022 18:40

If this situation does arise again, it’s unlikely that a manager would be able to contact or track a driver who has no mobile/internet service.

Leaving a message for dh to call you if he returns to the office during the day might be all you could do.

A manager could check whether he had made the calls on his list that day but I doubt he would do that without serious cause for concern.

csos · 14/12/2022 18:48

Have you heard from him?

I think you're probably quite anxious.

My husband has a driving job as well. There are times when I worry, but then I tell myself I will endanger him more if I call him while driving and distract him.

amonsteronthehill · 14/12/2022 19:11

Hourly calls? Really?

All seems a bit over the top, even if he was involved in a fender bender this morning.

Ittybittytittycomittee · 14/12/2022 19:11

ShellsOnTheBeach · 14/12/2022 10:35

It's only 10.30 for God's sake. You need to relax - do you always get stressed this easily?

@ShellsOnTheBeach I guess it's a reasonable amount of time since he left at 5am and its extremely icy!

ZED55JAX0 · 14/12/2022 19:16

Any update? I would worry too
i hope everything was okay

Chooksnroses · 14/12/2022 19:18

My father in law was a lorry driver. My mother in law always worried until he did actually have an accident. She received a call from the police before he'd been taken to hospital, so she never worried after that.

Burgoo · 14/12/2022 19:21

@mindisdoingovertime "We ring each other at least every hour through the work day and have done for years."

That would drive me to despair! I don't have a clue what you would even talk about every hour! "Yes I am still alive!" or "still at the desk/house/etc!" I can barely tolerate one call unless its important, but then again that's just me. If it works for you then great.

If he is in an accident the hospital will call you. Either they will trace the van back to his place of work and they will inform you or the police will find ID and track you that way. Its actually really simple for them to contact a NOK.

The fact is, even in this snow the likelihood of a fatal (or even serious collision) is somewhat rare. Even if you do have a prang it isn't going to land you on a back-board and neck collar. I say this as someone who has written off 3 cars in a decade!

I would think you are a little "crazy lady" if you called my workplace asking about a colleague like that. But then again, as I have said, I want to keep as far away from people (and conversations) as possible much of the time (my job requires a lot of intensive conversation, I want to escape that when I can!)

AlbertaAnnie · 14/12/2022 19:37

paleviolet · 14/12/2022 10:36

Every hour...why?

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Eh??? This sounds really dysfunctional why would anyone do this??

JennyJenny8675309 · 14/12/2022 19:45

OP, what happened? I hope everything turned out fine.

mum2jakie · 14/12/2022 19:48

Any update OP?

Pinetreesfall · 14/12/2022 19:52

Crikey when we lived rurally my DH would leave 6am and I wouldn't hear from him until he walked through the door again. There is simply no signal in some areas.

I hope I'm not your boss as you're not really working from home are you with hourly phone calls?!

Strawberrypicnic · 14/12/2022 19:58

I can't believe people are still replying to join in the pile-on without at least scanning the thread. I hope everything's okay OP.

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/12/2022 20:17

Strawberrypicnic · 14/12/2022 19:58

I can't believe people are still replying to join in the pile-on without at least scanning the thread. I hope everything's okay OP.

🙄

Can people just quit this tedious 'it's a pile on' nonsense FFS!!! It's getting ridiculous now. There IS no 'pile-on!'

The OP asked a question 'AIBU to call DH's work - because it's mid morning and I haven't heard from him, we usually speak EVERY HOUR all through his work day, and have done for FOUR YEARS!!!' .........And people have given their honest answers... And many think 'yes she IS being unreasonable.'

Not even half ten in the morning, and she is crying and sobbing uncontrollably because she can't get hold of her husband on the phone. WTAF?

It's a terrible idea to contact his workplace. She will very likely get her DH into trouble when his boss discovers he spends half his working hours gassing to his wife.

So, many people are of the opinion that it's OTT to be speaking to your husband every HOUR while he is at work. SO what?

People are entitled to different views and opinions FGS.

The posters (understandably) saying the OP is being unreasonable, and are suggesting she may suffer anxiety, and it's not normal to be in touch this often, and simply offering their opinions, WHICH THE OP ASKED FOR. There is no PILE ON.

Get a grip!

Zonder · 14/12/2022 20:29

Could he have actually been working? Like not able to drive round in the car and chat but actually been doing the job he drives round places to do?

Dreamwhisper · 14/12/2022 20:31

Hope everything is okay; my partner would check in with me when I worked in the office as I walked alone and it's around a 30 minute walk with some bits being down a well lit but isolated path. If he hadn't heard from me by around 10am he would be worried too, hope it's good news OP

Tollumi · 14/12/2022 20:35

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/12/2022 20:17

🙄

Can people just quit this tedious 'it's a pile on' nonsense FFS!!! It's getting ridiculous now. There IS no 'pile-on!'

The OP asked a question 'AIBU to call DH's work - because it's mid morning and I haven't heard from him, we usually speak EVERY HOUR all through his work day, and have done for FOUR YEARS!!!' .........And people have given their honest answers... And many think 'yes she IS being unreasonable.'

Not even half ten in the morning, and she is crying and sobbing uncontrollably because she can't get hold of her husband on the phone. WTAF?

It's a terrible idea to contact his workplace. She will very likely get her DH into trouble when his boss discovers he spends half his working hours gassing to his wife.

So, many people are of the opinion that it's OTT to be speaking to your husband every HOUR while he is at work. SO what?

People are entitled to different views and opinions FGS.

The posters (understandably) saying the OP is being unreasonable, and are suggesting she may suffer anxiety, and it's not normal to be in touch this often, and simply offering their opinions, WHICH THE OP ASKED FOR. There is no PILE ON.

Get a grip!

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Yup. It's right up there with, "...you're getting a hard time here, OP..." when someone is being an incalculable arse, and being rightly pulled up for it.

birder · 14/12/2022 20:48

Weirdly, some posters would like to know if everything's ok, because we've experienced sad endings when someone has just gone to work as usual.

I hope and expect he's home now.

Kindling1970 · 14/12/2022 21:20

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/12/2022 10:47

Can people stop with the 'this is her relationship - lay off' garble with people saying it's OTT to speak to her husband every HOUR of EVERY DAY (when he is at work?!) It is NOT normal behaviour to speak to your partner every hour when they're at work. And it's not mean or horrible to state this.

@mindisdoingovertime It's only 10.45 am, it's not like you have not heard from him for a day! As a pp said, have you sought help with your anxiety because you're reaction is irrational. His workplace will wonder why on earth your ringing after such a short time!

I've got to say I agree with this. I work as a therapist and if one of my clients said they call their partner every hour I would be concerned they have an anxious attachment and have no sense of independent self. If either of you are insisting on this constant checking in, then that is abuse as it is very controlling behaviour to not give your partner any space.

Userg1234 · 14/12/2022 21:32

Hopefully the husband called at about 11am and the op is feeling a little foolish about the (understandable) panic.
please op one line to says he's ok?

Strawberrypicnic · 14/12/2022 21:34

PurpleButterflyWings · 14/12/2022 20:17

🙄

Can people just quit this tedious 'it's a pile on' nonsense FFS!!! It's getting ridiculous now. There IS no 'pile-on!'

The OP asked a question 'AIBU to call DH's work - because it's mid morning and I haven't heard from him, we usually speak EVERY HOUR all through his work day, and have done for FOUR YEARS!!!' .........And people have given their honest answers... And many think 'yes she IS being unreasonable.'

Not even half ten in the morning, and she is crying and sobbing uncontrollably because she can't get hold of her husband on the phone. WTAF?

It's a terrible idea to contact his workplace. She will very likely get her DH into trouble when his boss discovers he spends half his working hours gassing to his wife.

So, many people are of the opinion that it's OTT to be speaking to your husband every HOUR while he is at work. SO what?

People are entitled to different views and opinions FGS.

The posters (understandably) saying the OP is being unreasonable, and are suggesting she may suffer anxiety, and it's not normal to be in touch this often, and simply offering their opinions, WHICH THE OP ASKED FOR. There is no PILE ON.

Get a grip!

Show quote history

It's not about people telling the OP that she may have anxiety, it's that she has told us she is panicking and sobbing and about 100 people have come on to essentially tell her how she ridiculous and codependent she is when she clearly isn't (wasn't) in any state to receive that message. I didn't advise her to call her partner's work btw.

Fwiw i wouldn't call my partner every hour at work either and I would also tend to consider that there was some sort of anxiety issue going on, but it's about timing and tone.

Mybumlooksbig · 14/12/2022 21:48

Maybe he's having an affair. I would be if someone was phoning me every hour

LINABE · 14/12/2022 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You twat.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 14/12/2022 21:53

Mybumlooksbig · 14/12/2022 21:48

Maybe he's having an affair. I would be if someone was phoning me every hour

Well, that brought up an interesting picture in my mind! "Hold on a minute love, it's my wife on the phone again."