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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to call his work?

375 replies

mindisdoingovertime · 14/12/2022 10:22

So the hubby left early this morning for work. He drives around all day attending different work calls.

It is very, very icey and the weather was awful when he left at 5am this morning!

Ive tried calling him but both his work phone and normal phone is unavailable. Ive also got one tick on WhatsApp.

He sometimes works in areas of no signal but this is very rare (think once or twice over the last year).

Would I be unreasonable to contact his work and ask them to trace his works van or is this crazy woman territory? I'm so worried, ive been crying all morning, this is not like him at all. Ive checked all the local traffic reports and there was a crash this morning close to where we live and would fit his route at the right time but it says no injuries.

What would you do? Shall I wait a bit and keep trying to ring him?

OP posts:
Redbone · 14/12/2022 22:23

Gosh this is a really bizarre post, you obviously don’t work outside the home to spare the time to phone him that often in the day. Really controlling behavior on your part!

UsingChangeofName · 14/12/2022 22:30

Any update OP ?
A lot of people have replied on your thread.

LikeTearsInRain · 14/12/2022 22:35

Could he be having an affair OP?

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 22:40

Why is OP being accused of being controlling, and of making her DP feel 'suffocated??

Can people not read? They phone each other. It's not her hounding him every day. To me, it's unhealthy, yes. But it THEIR established routine. There's nothing in OP's posts to justify the snide comments being directed at her.

Tollumi · 14/12/2022 22:57

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 22:40

Why is OP being accused of being controlling, and of making her DP feel 'suffocated??

Can people not read? They phone each other. It's not her hounding him every day. To me, it's unhealthy, yes. But it THEIR established routine. There's nothing in OP's posts to justify the snide comments being directed at her.

There's never any need for meanness, of course. The OP has said that she doesn't have anxiety, and defends the calls with, 'well, it's our normal.'

Okay. But if that was a friend of mine, I would be saying some of the things in this thread. It's completely abnormal to telephone - or be telephoned - by someone every hour that you're apart.

I KNOW that the OP says 'they call each other,' but that part is irrelevant really, if one person is exerting a strong will for this odd state of affairs to continue.

Lord knows what the whole story is with the calls, but for many people, it will be a red flag of sorts.

AIBU isn't always known for it's delicate unpicking of issues, but the shout from this thread to the OP is possibly to say THIS IS NOT NORMAL and largely well-meant, in my view.

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 23:13

@Tollumi

I'm not stupid. I can read all the replies. I specifically detailed the type of posts that I think are completely unreasonable, with absolutely no basis for their content.

For all those posters know, it's the DP who normally insists on this level of contact.

user1499128287 · 14/12/2022 23:14

I find it a bit weird that people are roasting the OP for her phone calls instead of being concerned that she hasn't updated this story, which potentially suggests her husband might have been in an accident after all.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 14/12/2022 23:15

LikeTearsInRain · 14/12/2022 22:35

Could he be having an affair OP?

Oh do shut up. Completely unneeded shite.

RampantIvy · 14/12/2022 23:15

More likely she didn't want ot come back to this thread because of the roasting @user1499128287

SheilaWilcox · 14/12/2022 23:26

Just thought I'd read all the OP's posts, has she name changed, or not come back since page 2?

kateandme · 14/12/2022 23:26

People can allow themselves not to be so bloody cruel to People! We don't no the context if ops life.the calls could be flirty one liners.they could be fish fingers ok for tea the great.they could be in depth sonets.is it really so bad if it's their routine and work for them.if there is no drip feed or anything sinister behind it then good on them.let them be.
People might not live how we do.there might even be issues with this.but being horrid isn't helpful.amd deff won't help change if it's needed.

Tickledpickled · 14/12/2022 23:30

Are you alright op?

AiKayai · 14/12/2022 23:32

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 23:13

@Tollumi

I'm not stupid. I can read all the replies. I specifically detailed the type of posts that I think are completely unreasonable, with absolutely no basis for their content.

For all those posters know, it's the DP who normally insists on this level of contact.

For fucks sake.

I didn't call you stupid. I was trying to discuss this in a normal, polite way.

Jesus.

Ineedtosleep79 · 14/12/2022 23:36

What's happening???! I'm worried 😫

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 23:37

I didn't say you called me stupid.

Your post had absolutely no relevance to the question I asked, or point I was making.

Cyclinggran · 14/12/2022 23:44

Hi OP, sending hugs to you because anxiety is awful to live with and I speak from experience. I can see a range of replies here, some are cruel, some aren’t helpful and sadly an anxiety sufferer can’t just ‘snap out of it’. Once the anxiety takes hold it consumes and it’s often all about the safety of those we love. Personally, I would have logged into the AA travel website, put the rough area in and then expand as necessary. Breakdowns, accidents and incidents are all on there and very up to date. Your issue will be resolved by now but it may be handy in the future. Sending 💐

ilovesooty · 14/12/2022 23:47

The OP says she doesn't suffer from anxiety.

I doubt if most people pleading for updates are worried either - they're rubber necking. The OP doesn't owe anyone an update if she doesn't want to give one.

Wiluli · 14/12/2022 23:51

I hope your hubby is back home . My partner used to do deliveries too and he would call 5 or 6 times a day as I work from home too . I would be worried just as you so ignore nasty comments

TheBabbaCrunch · 14/12/2022 23:55

I talk to my OH very regularly throughout the day (messages ) and we call a couple of times. We both work irregular hours and he is a farmer so often doing strange things at strange times (like watering cows at 3am this morn). I, too, am a perpetual worrier and genuinely think something has happened if he doesn't message me back within an hour. I was on the phone to his mother yesterday worrying after he didn't message me back within 4 hours. I totally get your point of view and think others have been very unnecessarily cruel and unkind on here. We recently downloaded the Life360 app so I can check his location when he's out at silly times etc. I hope everything is okay xx

AiKayai · 14/12/2022 23:56

excelledyourself · 14/12/2022 23:37

I didn't say you called me stupid.

Your post had absolutely no relevance to the question I asked, or point I was making.

It's a bloody discussion thread. I was using your post to then illustrate my own point. Like in a normal conversation, where people have a civilised back and forth.

FFS. The knee-jerk "What?? You starting??" on some threads is fucking nuts.

Willowswood · 14/12/2022 23:59

Any update op?

Foronenightonly22 · 15/12/2022 00:01

I can’t believe the nastiness of this thread. FFS be a bit nicer. So much for the spirit of Xmas. Seems like all the grown up nasty girls really do need to be told to be kind.

I most definitely don’t ring my husband very often during the working day. If I do it’s usually a quick call about arrangements for the kids etc but I’d be anxious and wanting to get in touch with him if I was in the OPs situation. It was -7 here at that time this morning and the roads have been treacherous for days. If I hadn’t heard from DH for 5 hours and I wasn’t getting an answer on 2 phones (and this was unusual) I definitely would give a workmate a call to see if they had heard from him. None of you know the OPs situation.She could be a mother of a newborn or have a sick child at the minute and be v tired. Tiredness etc can make worries much bigger and harder to deal with

Rainbowsparkles29 · 15/12/2022 00:16

OP please update us! We're worried now xx

CrownTheTurkey · 15/12/2022 00:17

Rainbowsparkles29 · 15/12/2022 00:16

OP please update us! We're worried now xx

Is that the royal we?

excelledyourself · 15/12/2022 00:26

@AiKayai

The knee jerk reaction is people telling someone who is already upset that she's controlling and making her husband feel suffocated, because they BOTH call each other throughout the day.

Nothing you said in your reply to me explains why they felt the need to do that. That is my point.