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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Host fell asleep at party 😴

183 replies

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 22:46

I don’t know how to feel about this! I was invited to a girl’s night get together at a friend’s place, from about 7.30pm til late. I was a little late (I let the group know ahead of time) so got there about 8pm. Turns out one friend was sick and the other had an unexpected online meeting so she couldn’t make it either. It was just myself and the friend host. She wasn’t around when I got there, so I chatted with her DS for a while, and watched tv. She came downstairs about half hr later,
apologised and I made nothing of it. The food was all set up on the table buffet setting, so we got stuck in. I hadn’t even finished my plate of food and I looked up, host was sleeping. Throughout the eve she kept falling asleep mid conversation. I should have just got up and left, I’m still wondering why I didn’t. I felt uncomfortable knowing the host is sleepy and yet I thought getting up and leaving would make it further uncomfortable. For purposes of context, we’re not very close friends, just getting to know a new group of friends.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 09:00

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 14/12/2022 08:57

Whereas smack heads are famously excellent hosts and follow through on a commitment to a canapé.

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Smack heads don’t give a shit what’s happening as long as they have smack.

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 09:04

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:58

Yes but someone who was functioning normally would have realised that a combination of extreme tiredness and having to entertain someone more or less unknown to them was a recipe for disaster and would have made their excuses.

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What on earth must life look like through your eyes? 👀

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 09:06

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 09:00

Smack heads don’t give a shit what’s happening as long as they have smack.

Show quote history

And yet you think this woman, who prepared a buffet dinner for her friends, is therefore clearly a smack head?

KimberleyClark · 14/12/2022 09:09

Poor woman, she must have put some effort into the buffet and it must have been so disappointing g to have so many cancel on her.

ancientgran · 14/12/2022 09:09

I was like this when my underactive thyroid wasn't diagnosed (that is a whole other story and my doctor doesn't come out of it well, thank God for nurse practitioners is all I'll say) and I would nod off at the drop of a hat. One very embarrassing meeting where I became aware of people watching me as I struggled to keep my eyes open and was in danger of falling off my chair. Not much got done at that meeting.

KvotheTheBloodless · 14/12/2022 09:10

How well do you know her? She may have undiagnosed narcolepsy, it's much more common than you'd think, and it often takes years and years before someone gets a diagnosis - usually in their late 30s.

Nottodaysausage · 14/12/2022 09:11

Poor lady and poor you too ❤️ sounds like you both were just trying to do your best. I would see if she would like to go out for a coffee to thank her for going to so much trouble. Sounds like she needs a friend

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 09:11

Smack heads don’t give a shit what’s happening as long as they have smack.

Well exactly! I don't think many of them go around preparing buffet suppers and inviting friends round.

Keep digging.

Needsomethingtoread · 14/12/2022 09:18

I definitely think you should text and ask if she is ok, even if she is away. It’s a nice kind gesture. You’re not asking for details you’re just saying you care about her well being. She may then feel comfortable to open up but if not she knows you are a kind genuine friend.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 09:22

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 09:11

Smack heads don’t give a shit what’s happening as long as they have smack.

Well exactly! I don't think many of them go around preparing buffet suppers and inviting friends round.

Keep digging.

How many opioid addicts do you know?

They can function relatively normally as long as they maintain supply. They don't all present as the stereotype red-eyed person living in the gutter.

It's totally plausible that she could have prepared the buffet on the understanding that the friends she knew well were coming over. But when they both pulled out and she was left with an acquaintance she barely knew she was stuck with a load of food she didn't want to eat.

I know that if I had bought food in for three people, two of whom I knew well and the third I didn't, and I was dog tired, and the two I knew pulled out, I'd cancel. The fact that she didn't do so suggests she wasn't quite in her right mind or she didn't get her act together in time.

Look I have no idea what was going on and I don't profess to. I'm just speculating like everyone else on this thread.

HashtagShitShop · 14/12/2022 09:26

I have a friend with fnd and a whole host of problems if which narcolepsy is one. She will fall asleep taking to you, fall asleep chewing /eating /walking and more. Before diagnosis she slept like 22 hours a day. She doesn't have to have "taken something" for it to happen.

(my poor friend has to take meds to actually stay awake 🤣❤️)

onefedupmum · 14/12/2022 09:30

Sounds like narcolepsy. Mind you I can't keep my eyes open gone 9pm it's that time of year where 4pm feels like midnight and everyone's tired.

I would arrange to see her in the day next time.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 14/12/2022 09:32

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 09:06

And yet you think this woman, who prepared a buffet dinner for her friends, is therefore clearly a smack head?

Show quote history

😂😂

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 14/12/2022 09:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 09:22

How many opioid addicts do you know?

They can function relatively normally as long as they maintain supply. They don't all present as the stereotype red-eyed person living in the gutter.

It's totally plausible that she could have prepared the buffet on the understanding that the friends she knew well were coming over. But when they both pulled out and she was left with an acquaintance she barely knew she was stuck with a load of food she didn't want to eat.

I know that if I had bought food in for three people, two of whom I knew well and the third I didn't, and I was dog tired, and the two I knew pulled out, I'd cancel. The fact that she didn't do so suggests she wasn't quite in her right mind or she didn't get her act together in time.

Look I have no idea what was going on and I don't profess to. I'm just speculating like everyone else on this thread.

Show quote history

You sound like you are on coke tbh.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 09:53

@Sleepygrumpyandnothappy

Resorting to an ad hominem insult is always a great way to make a point.

Maybe we're all a bit over-invested :)

(Backs away quietly to do some work)

PinsetAndTwirls · 14/12/2022 09:54

FlissyPaps · 13/12/2022 22:48

Bless her, she must have been exhausted, or ill.

I would have politely told her (when she woke up) “You seem absolutely exhausted and look like you are in need of a rest. I’ll get going so you can go to bed”.

This is the perfect way to handle it.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/12/2022 09:54

My friend is a primary school teacher and falls asleep all the time 😀
Agree with pp, text and meet for a coffee, no one is in the wrong here just one of those evenings that don’t quite work out.

peachescariad · 14/12/2022 10:02

I'd hardly call 2 of you together a 'party' 😆
Maybe she didn't find your company very stimulating 😴

EndlessRain1 · 14/12/2022 10:06

Maybe you are really dull OP!

Joking aside, I think you should give her a break. That level of exhuastion sounds unusual and wouldn't be deliberate. If anyone was rude I would say it was you for not leaving.

I once fell asleep when we had people over. I was putting DCs to bed, DS was still young and waking loads at night, and when I sat with them I fell sleep. I woke up half an hour later asleep on the floor next to their bed with DH standing over me asking if I was coming back down. I was very embarrassed, but clearly it wasn't on purpose.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2022 10:11

pattihews · 14/12/2022 08:54

She was rude, OP. When you host an event, even a small one like this, it's your responsibility as host to make a guest feel welcome and to at least try to create a convivial atmosphere. If everyone else had dropped out and she wasn't feeling well then she should have contacted you and cancelled. Being absent when your guest turns up and sitting you in front of the TV when you are expecting a good night out with friends is just not on. As for falling asleep in the middle of a meal...

And look how it's ended up, with you feeling weird and guilty and everyone here defending her. Not on.

I cannot stand blame culture. It was one evening. What happened to tolerance and allowing others to make mistakes?

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 10:13

Look I have no idea what was going on and I don't profess to. I'm just speculating like everyone else on this thread.

No.

Speculating would involve you saying "have you considered that she may be using drugs?" (it's not just opioids that make you sleepy btw - some people are prescribed perfectly legal medication that makes them tired)

You said I can't see any other explanation and you go on to refer to "smackheads"

Have you never read any of the leaflets that come with OTC medication such as antihistamines, night nurse, cough medicine etc etc? How do you know that this couldn't be an explanation?

You also say that If you were ill or super tired you'd just cancel surely?

This is MN - she might be one of the numerous "people pleasers" who can't ever cancel anything for fear of upsetting people.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 14/12/2022 10:18

This could easily be me! I have a knack of falling asleep at the drop of a hat, especially if I have had a wine and since covid last year it is so much worse.

I would assume she's sick, or she isn't sleeping well currently and just chalk it up to experience

thestepmumspacepodcast · 14/12/2022 10:28

Poor woman is probably exhausted.

Sadaboutth · 14/12/2022 10:42

Only on the Internet would a middle age, tired woman falling asleep, be assumed to be a smack head 😂

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 10:42

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 10:13

Look I have no idea what was going on and I don't profess to. I'm just speculating like everyone else on this thread.

No.

Speculating would involve you saying "have you considered that she may be using drugs?" (it's not just opioids that make you sleepy btw - some people are prescribed perfectly legal medication that makes them tired)

You said I can't see any other explanation and you go on to refer to "smackheads"

Have you never read any of the leaflets that come with OTC medication such as antihistamines, night nurse, cough medicine etc etc? How do you know that this couldn't be an explanation?

You also say that If you were ill or super tired you'd just cancel surely?

This is MN - she might be one of the numerous "people pleasers" who can't ever cancel anything for fear of upsetting people.

Itwasn'tevensmackpudding

I refer you to my earlier comment about being over-invested.