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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Host fell asleep at party 😴

183 replies

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 22:46

I don’t know how to feel about this! I was invited to a girl’s night get together at a friend’s place, from about 7.30pm til late. I was a little late (I let the group know ahead of time) so got there about 8pm. Turns out one friend was sick and the other had an unexpected online meeting so she couldn’t make it either. It was just myself and the friend host. She wasn’t around when I got there, so I chatted with her DS for a while, and watched tv. She came downstairs about half hr later,
apologised and I made nothing of it. The food was all set up on the table buffet setting, so we got stuck in. I hadn’t even finished my plate of food and I looked up, host was sleeping. Throughout the eve she kept falling asleep mid conversation. I should have just got up and left, I’m still wondering why I didn’t. I felt uncomfortable knowing the host is sleepy and yet I thought getting up and leaving would make it further uncomfortable. For purposes of context, we’re not very close friends, just getting to know a new group of friends.

OP posts:
POTC · 14/12/2022 08:25

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 06:21

She's addicted to heroin or some other sort of opioid. Classic hallmark of opioids is nodding off. I can't see any other explanation. If you were ill or super tired you'd just cancel surely?

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Excellent, I'll just never leave my house again in case people mistake my narcolepsy for heroin addiction then.

ActionThisDay · 14/12/2022 08:25

PMSL at people diagnosing opioid addiction on this thread. Never change, Mumsnet.

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 08:26

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 06:21

She's addicted to heroin or some other sort of opioid. Classic hallmark of opioids is nodding off. I can't see any other explanation. If you were ill or super tired you'd just cancel surely?

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Bloody hell!

An opioid addiction.

You really can't see any other explanation?

PaulaTrilloe · 14/12/2022 08:30

I had an undiagnosed thyroid condition that I wasn't aware of about 15 years ago.

Apparently I was in a meeting where I fell asleep mid talking. Another time I fell asleep during a PublicEnemy concert!

I wish my colleagues and friends had said something to me about it and showed some concern instead of feeling awkward about it.as I would have sought help earlier but my cognition had declined so gradually i lacked self awareness

dampthursday · 14/12/2022 08:30

BabyOnBoard90 · 13/12/2022 23:50

A bunch of people cancelled, she had put together a feast and exhausted herself.

How are you a victim in this story? YABU

I’m not entirely convinced that most people would exhaust themselves putting together a buffet (or a ‘feast’) for four people.

It’s unfortunate that the other two guests cancelled, but it was an awkward experience for the OP too. I wouldn’t have known whether it was better to leave (which implies that the friend was being a poor host) or do as the OP did and attempt to style it out for a bit.

Rotherweird · 14/12/2022 08:31

OP, I can completely understand why you didn’t leave. You were the only person who had the decency to show up, and she’d gone to the trouble with food etc. I can completely see that leaving might have felt rude - you were in a really awkward position. IMO it was up to your friend to bring the evening to an end if she wasn’t up to it. So don’t feel bad - it was just one of those things and you did your best with a bad hand.

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:31

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 08:26

Bloody hell!

An opioid addiction.

You really can't see any other explanation?

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😆

lakeslakes · 14/12/2022 08:31

What time did you stay until?
Sounds like she was exhausted.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:32

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 08:26

Bloody hell!

An opioid addiction.

You really can't see any other explanation?

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I mean... someone else mentioned narcolepsy and that's obviously a possibility.

But other than that its the most logical explanation I can think of. If you're sufficiently tired that you can't keep your eyes open while eating you tend not to go ahead with social events.

And opioids do make people nod off mid conversation. I'm not sure why you would say its that impossible...

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:34

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:32

I mean... someone else mentioned narcolepsy and that's obviously a possibility.

But other than that its the most logical explanation I can think of. If you're sufficiently tired that you can't keep your eyes open while eating you tend not to go ahead with social events.

And opioids do make people nod off mid conversation. I'm not sure why you would say its that impossible...

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I mean, I just assumed she was really tired, as perhaps her stressful situation means she isn’t sleeping. Do you not think that’s more likely than ‘smack head’?!

PuppyMonkey · 14/12/2022 08:35

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:57

@someonecookmydinnerplease i did mention first that I only found out others cancelled when I got there.

This is the point where I’d have immediately made my excuses, turned around and left. You know, rather than sitting watching telly with the son of someone I didn’t really know properly until she eventually came downstairs and fell asleep chatting to me. Grin

Cringing for you OP.Flowers

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:37

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:34

I mean, I just assumed she was really tired, as perhaps her stressful situation means she isn’t sleeping. Do you not think that’s more likely than ‘smack head’?!

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Maybe. But as I say if I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and two of my friends had already cancelled on me I wouldn't go out of my way to prepare a buffet for someone I barely knew and then sit trying to prop my eyes open with matchsticks.

FlamingoSocks · 14/12/2022 08:37

Oh behave.
You have narcolepsy- are you seriously telling me that if you invited a new friend round and kept falling asleep at the table, just you and her, you wouldn’t mention you have narcolepsy at some point during that evening?
of course you would. Ditto if you were knackered or ill. Or even if you didn’t know why you were doing it, you would mention it. “I’m so sorry, I’m literally falling asleep here and I don’t know why” Because it’s really really unusual behaviour and worth a mention.
She’d definitely taken something.

LookItsMeAgain · 14/12/2022 08:39

If the other two bailed on the evening (for valid reasons, not having a go at them for doing that), why on earth didn't the host put out a general text message saying that the evening would be rescheduled and for you not to turn up??

That's what I would have done, particularly if I was likely to be nodding off due to stress/tiredness/whatever.

Why did the evening go ahead at all?? That's what I can't get my head around...and it's making me very tired trying to work it out 😆😴

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:43

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:37

Maybe. But as I say if I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and two of my friends had already cancelled on me I wouldn't go out of my way to prepare a buffet for someone I barely knew and then sit trying to prop my eyes open with matchsticks.

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I still don’t see how you arrived at heroin addict.

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:45

The poor woman was probably stressed and therefore knackered, had already made all the food, was disappointed no one had turned up bar the OP, and probably didn’t want to let the OP down so tried to soldier on. When you’re that tired you don’t always realise how long your eyes have been closed. I cannot believe people are genuinely suggesting she is concealing a secret heroin addiction. This place is bonkers. No one can just be tired anymore.

Original poster
swappingwellies · 14/12/2022 08:46

@Fairydoors yes I suppose that sums it up; rude to stay and rude to up and leave, she was dressed up and had ordered all that food for the group! she’s certainly been through some stress and I don’t think that she’s on any opioids. I’m glad I’m not that judgmental in my thinking that her falling asleep and other friends having to cancel are somehow connected. Imagine going through life guided by such fallacious theories…

OP posts:
quinceh · 14/12/2022 08:46

Perhaps evening went ahead because friend didn’t realise how tired she’d be.
I’ve become unexpectedly dozy during social occasions before, mainly due to poor sleep patterns or alcohol (never heroin mind!) and wouldn’t have anticipated it beforehand. It’s not great hosting though, and I’d be a bit apologetic to the OP in this situation.

Itsoktogiveup · 14/12/2022 08:49

If I was throwing a ‘party’ and everyone cancelled except one person, then thenonly thing they could make the evening worse would be if thet person got up and left! I’m glad you stayed, at least she can pretend to herself that a good time was had.

Sorry your evening was so lame.

pattihews · 14/12/2022 08:54

She was rude, OP. When you host an event, even a small one like this, it's your responsibility as host to make a guest feel welcome and to at least try to create a convivial atmosphere. If everyone else had dropped out and she wasn't feeling well then she should have contacted you and cancelled. Being absent when your guest turns up and sitting you in front of the TV when you are expecting a good night out with friends is just not on. As for falling asleep in the middle of a meal...

And look how it's ended up, with you feeling weird and guilty and everyone here defending her. Not on.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:54

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:43

I still don’t see how you arrived at heroin addict.

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Because falling asleep all the time in the middle of day-to-day activities is a known symptom of opioid abuse.

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:55

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:54

Because falling asleep all the time in the middle of day-to-day activities is a known symptom of opioid abuse.

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And also…tiredness.

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:56

Am I being trolled and not realising?! 😆

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 14/12/2022 08:57

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:37

Maybe. But as I say if I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and two of my friends had already cancelled on me I wouldn't go out of my way to prepare a buffet for someone I barely knew and then sit trying to prop my eyes open with matchsticks.

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Whereas smack heads are famously excellent hosts and follow through on a commitment to a canapé.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2022 08:58

Herejustforthisone · 14/12/2022 08:55

And also…tiredness.

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Yes but someone who was functioning normally would have realised that a combination of extreme tiredness and having to entertain someone more or less unknown to them was a recipe for disaster and would have made their excuses.