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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Host fell asleep at party 😴

183 replies

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 22:46

I don’t know how to feel about this! I was invited to a girl’s night get together at a friend’s place, from about 7.30pm til late. I was a little late (I let the group know ahead of time) so got there about 8pm. Turns out one friend was sick and the other had an unexpected online meeting so she couldn’t make it either. It was just myself and the friend host. She wasn’t around when I got there, so I chatted with her DS for a while, and watched tv. She came downstairs about half hr later,
apologised and I made nothing of it. The food was all set up on the table buffet setting, so we got stuck in. I hadn’t even finished my plate of food and I looked up, host was sleeping. Throughout the eve she kept falling asleep mid conversation. I should have just got up and left, I’m still wondering why I didn’t. I felt uncomfortable knowing the host is sleepy and yet I thought getting up and leaving would make it further uncomfortable. For purposes of context, we’re not very close friends, just getting to know a new group of friends.

OP posts:
Iknowthis1 · 13/12/2022 23:30

My guess would also be that she'd taken something.

Sadaboutth · 13/12/2022 23:33

Iknowthis1 · 13/12/2022 23:30

My guess would also be that she'd taken something.

The type of drugs somebody would be likely to take ahead of a planned night of drinking would be uppers, surely.

I can't see anybody due to host drinks deciding to pop a couple of valium, unless they have crippling anxiety in which case they're not going to be hosting parties.

marvellousmaple · 13/12/2022 23:35

Awkies!!!!

kateandme · 13/12/2022 23:36

People do not fall to sleep mid conversation unless there is something very very WRONG.poor lady.id be worried about her.and want to tuck her into bed!
Could you text her tomorrow.

Greenginghamdress · 13/12/2022 23:38

Awkward for you.

I'll be honest... it would put me off if I was just getting to know someone. I'm sure she didn't mean to but it is weird.
If she was ill or exhausted that's fair enough but she should have contacted you to cancel.

Banjoman · 13/12/2022 23:38

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:14

@SleepingStandingUp no she just went straight back into conversation as if it hadn’t happened. Her DS is young adult. He was heading out for the night. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. But you’re right I should have left.

Sleep apnea?

Tollumi · 13/12/2022 23:39

Ah, I feel sorry for her. There's obviously a story/explanation that she didn't share for whatever reason.

One of our friends falls asleep at virtually every dinner party. She has an incredibly stressful job, works so hard producing amazing food (she's an amazing cook), and is completely burnt out every single time. She loves doing it all, and won't change.

She now has a power nap between pudding and cheese. It stopped being awkward years ago Grin

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/12/2022 23:41

She has received some very stressful news, so quite possibly has been busy sorting that, coupled with getting things done for a little get together and the general busy run up to Christmas. She has probably just run up against the wall and having time to sit and relax she has nodded off.

OnlyFannys · 13/12/2022 23:43

When I had undiagnosed anemia and vitamin D deficiency I was like.this, couldnt keep my eyes open in the most inappropriate situations. I didnt dare drive as I had no.control over it. Work.was a nightmare, even walking around I'd start to feel myself go

TheOriginalEmu · 13/12/2022 23:46

My son does this, he has narcolepsy and cataplexy. Maybe she has a medical issue?

BabyOnBoard90 · 13/12/2022 23:50

A bunch of people cancelled, she had put together a feast and exhausted herself.

How are you a victim in this story? YABU

someonecookmydinnerplease · 13/12/2022 23:55

I find it very awkward that the others cancelled, you were the only one there, you don't know her that well, she kept falling asleep and you didn't pick up on the social que to politely say "I can see you're tired and have a lot on, let's rearrange when everyone can make it" and leave. She was clearly too polite as host to ask you to leave, you were a bit odd staying in the circumstances you've described.

Original poster
swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:56

@BabyOnBoard90 yes all true. I wasn’t making it about myself. Just wondered why I didn’t leave early, not wanting to make a further scene. Obviously she’s feel bad. I was trying to avoid that but didn’t make it any easier staying either

OP posts:
Original poster
swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:57

@someonecookmydinnerplease i did mention first that I only found out others cancelled when I got there.

OP posts:
Original poster
swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:59

@OnlyFannys that’s a good point you make. I should politely suggest a possible anaemia situation… I remember SIL complained of this quite a few years back.

OP posts:
Noodlehen · 14/12/2022 00:00

How long did you stay once she started dozing?

pizzaHeart · 14/12/2022 00:02

It’s probably a health issue or she was stressed and exhausted a few nights before and didn’t sleep enough.

It happened with my DH when he wasn’t sleeping previous night. He’s falling asleep during our conversation. It would be later then 8pm but everyone’s bodyclock is different.
I wouldn’t take it against her.

someonecookmydinnerplease · 14/12/2022 00:04

swappingwellies · 13/12/2022 23:57

@someonecookmydinnerplease i did mention first that I only found out others cancelled when I got there.

Yes but then you stayed hanging around when she clearly was no longer up for hosting. The dynamic was not what was intended. You should have took the hint and left.

Ineedtosleep79 · 14/12/2022 00:06

warmeduppizza · 13/12/2022 23:05

This happened to me once when a new boyfriend invited me for a home cooked Valentines dinner. He was a bit slow bringing out the second course, and when I checked up on him he was asleep on the kitchen floor. That relationship didn’t go much further 😅

That is fucking hilarious, I swear there are some fucking weirdos about 🤣🤣🤣

Can you imagine, "I'm a bit sleepy, I'll just doss down on the floor for a couple of minutes..no big deal..."

Unless he fainted of course...

chaosmaker · 14/12/2022 00:09

The other falling asleep thing could also be type 2 diabetes?

Youdoyoubabe · 14/12/2022 00:21

Valium or xanax if she wasn't drunk I would think.

Probably had anxiety as people cancelled and took something... maybe... just a guess..

Youdoyoubabe · 14/12/2022 00:24

Could be narcolepsy but since that is pretty unusual and people have it their whole lives chances are you would have heard she had it already.

Onenonbrunette · 14/12/2022 00:42

Don’t feel bad for staying. You were only doing what you thought was right at the time. I’d have a chat with her, make sure she’s ok and admit you weren’t sure what to do. Ie, didn’t want to leave in case it was rude but equally wasn’t sure if it would be rude to stay! Keep it light hearted. No harm done.

ADifferentKindofChristmas · 14/12/2022 00:45

I'm wondering why you didn't leave earlier either OP?

How awkward all round.

I would have felt more embarassed just sitting there whilst someone was clearly not up to it.

So, yes YABU.

Merryweather80 · 14/12/2022 00:46

I do this a lot, but I have ME and fibromyalgia. I can fall asleep mid-sentence and sometimes continue it hours later. Or think I've answered a question just as I've dosed off. Usually, talk is unintelligible drivel if I'm that tired. My speech will slur and my syntax becomes haywire.
My friends know about my condition though and of course take the p, in a loving way.

Best thing to do in these situations, make a polite excuse and leave.
What time did you leave?

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