Religious friend says my mums in hell!

[Rosiesmydog]

Excuse the rather hysterical subject title! She didn’t actually say she is, only that she may be…
context: my mum died last month. She was 99 and very frail. She had Covid. That’s on the DC but afaic she died of extreme old age.
I met with a very good friend of mine last night. GF is very religious…I’m absolutely not. I don’t believe in the hereafter or god or any other deity. GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness. GF offered condolences and let me rabbit on about my mum. All well and good…
I spoke about the funeral, how we had a celebrant but had a hymn as my mum did have a little bit of faith and did a lot with the church when I was a kid. However, my mum was often hard work and I jokingly made a throwaway remark about how I used to tell her she’d never go to heaven and she’d end up in hell (all in jest).

last night I got a msg from her, basically saying that if mum hadnt accepted Jesus as lord and saviour then she will be in hell and that I should accept him or I’ll end up there…
really don’t know how to respond to this! Feeling quite upset that GF has judged my mum by her standards and chooses to lecture me about my ungodliness. Seems very unchristian really given the circs.
just looking for some words of wisdom from you folks I guess. I don’t want to break a friendship, she’s always known how I feel about religion but I think she’s crossed a line here and I feel quite conflicted. Im tempted to just ignore and sweep it under the carpet, but it’s blighted what was a good friendship and at a difficult time for me, given my recent loss 😔. I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

She's not a friend.

Quite frankly she can fuck off. She's not your friend if she can come out with shit like that.

Just forgive her.

I think I’d have to say something. That was inappropriate and rude. Offensive too. Suggest keeping it short - I value your friendship, but you crossed a line. I would prefer to keep religion out of our friendship.

Not all Christians are like this and I’ve got absolutely no time for this kind of Christian tbh. And I don’t think a really good friend would have said that to you.

This thread is definitely going to end up in the papers.

She sounds like a very extreme Christian with views like that!
Have her views/faith got stronger or more extreme lately? I would perhaps be concerned about her if so. Otherwise I would ignore it and perhaps it would be good to distance yourself from her in the future if she is going to continue like this.
Condolences about your mum, I'm sure she's in her own heaven, wherever/whatever that may be!

She can think what she wants but how Christian is it really to tell someone who’s recently bereaved that their loved one’s in hell? Tell her to have a word with herself and sever all ties immediately.

This.

I would write back and say 'Your comments were both inappropriate and gratuitously hurtful. I feel that I might need some space from you for the foreseeable future'.

You do not need a person like this in your life.

This sums up my thoughts on it. No real friend would say such a thing.

I would not be friends with her any longer.

If you do want to continue friendship then tell her never to speak about this again. You can't agree on it and you find it very hurtful.

Sorry about your Mum.
Believing in an afterlife is one of the reasons why I can't reconcile with religion. But, for what it's worth, if there is a God, I think they are forgiving.
Unless your friend is generally very insensitive, they have probably found it hard to send that message. It may be 'true' to what they have been taught, and they probably fear that if you don't find God, you're doomed.
Find peace with your own feelings and perhaps don't respond. Grief can heighten emotions.

A very Christian friend once told me she was really worried I was going to hell. I asked her what she thought hell was and she said it was eternity without God. I explained that I didn't really have a concept of God, so that didn't bother me. Maybe your friend has the same idea of hell and her idea of hell is actually somewhere you and your mum wouldn't mind.

Perhaps in your friends eyes you opened the conversation about heaven and hell and she’s following up on that. I would just remind her that you don’t believe.

You opened that can of worms by making heat of her beliefs. I’m sure she believes she’s not being a good friend if she didn’t tell you it’s no joke.
You’ve reached a point where you both need to decide on your friendship tbh

People with faith and those without ( or have different faith) can absolutely be friends but each other’s point of view must be respected.

Well, who is she to judge anyway?
It's really strange when people have views like this. Religion is all about doing good, being charitable,humble and kind.
It's not about accepting an entity then being an arse to all others who are perfectly decent people but just didn't accept the same entity.

It doesn't matter what nonsense this woman believes.

Sending a message to anyone saying that their recently deceased mother is in hell is a dick move of the highest order. I would bin anyone off in a heartbeat for that.

She doesn't know that and it's really tactless of her

I remember being a dc and on a Christian holiday and another girl making a comment about df along those lines which really upset me

Sorry for you the loss of your dm

Also, as you’re absolutely sure there’s no hell, why are you upset? Why not just chalk her comments down to ‘silly beliefs’?

She's not a friend and not much of a Christian.

I could not agree more.

She would be in my life after that.

would not*

Seems very unchristian really given the circs These types seem to forget the bit about "let him who is without sin cast the first stone" and "“There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” So very unChristian. So perhaps a "Who are you to judge?" with a Mumsnet head tilt.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I am not religious and think that we return to the state of nothingness that we were in before we were born. But that's me and I would never force those views on others.