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Original poster

Religious friend says my mums in hell!

331 replies

Rosiesmydog · 13/12/2022 10:18

Excuse the rather hysterical subject title! She didn’t actually say she is, only that she may be…
context: my mum died last month. She was 99 and very frail. She had Covid. That’s on the DC but afaic she died of extreme old age.
I met with a very good friend of mine last night. GF is very religious…I’m absolutely not. I don’t believe in the hereafter or god or any other deity. GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness. GF offered condolences and let me rabbit on about my mum. All well and good…
I spoke about the funeral, how we had a celebrant but had a hymn as my mum did have a little bit of faith and did a lot with the church when I was a kid. However, my mum was often hard work and I jokingly made a throwaway remark about how I used to tell her she’d never go to heaven and she’d end up in hell (all in jest).

last night I got a msg from her, basically saying that if mum hadnt accepted Jesus as lord and saviour then she will be in hell and that I should accept him or I’ll end up there…
really don’t know how to respond to this! Feeling quite upset that GF has judged my mum by her standards and chooses to lecture me about my ungodliness. Seems very unchristian really given the circs.
just looking for some words of wisdom from you folks I guess. I don’t want to break a friendship, she’s always known how I feel about religion but I think she’s crossed a line here and I feel quite conflicted. Im tempted to just ignore and sweep it under the carpet, but it’s blighted what was a good friendship and at a difficult time for me, given my recent loss 😔. I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

OP posts:
WildRosie · 13/12/2022 11:31

Tell your friend to keep her thoughts to herself. Then have nothing more to do with her. Religion is all very well for guidance and solace but not when it turns adherents into rabid fruit loops.

MenaiMna · 13/12/2022 11:34

Brought up devout RC 100% on my catechism etc, born again atheist here.
Msg back:
"The god you believe in would not condone your judgement of my mother or myself, he would not believe you were a true Christian with such an attitude. Even without theistic belief I know to be a kinder human being and a better Christian than you have shown yourself to be"
Then accept that you have no obligation to be her friend anymore, up to you whether/ how long you block. Luckily she has beyond eternity to reflect on her behaviour as a friend.
If you live with kindness and do your best to yourself and others you have lived well and that's all we can do. xxx

lightand · 13/12/2022 11:35

I am a Christian.

If she had "a little bit of faith", well I am not the Judge, but she should be going to Heaven.

lightand · 13/12/2022 11:36

Faith in God that is.

newtb · 13/12/2022 11:36

Just say to her 'Judge lest ye be judged'. She has absolutely fuck all right to do so

Thymely · 13/12/2022 11:37

SaySomethingMan · 13/12/2022 11:12

So you don’t believe that people have to ‘repent and accept Jesus’ to go to heaven?

Show quote history

If God exists I don't believe that he is so superficial that he relies on repenting and accepting Jesus to decide on who gets into heaven. God is meant to be all seeing so he can tell who is good or bad and judge accordingly. Good people go to heaven, bad people don't and most of us may get let in by the back door if we're lucky. A quick repent on your death bed wouldn't hack it with a true God. And why would it matter what religion you follow so long as you are a good person? Or are there different heavens for other religions? Or is hell full of lovely good people being tortured for eternity just because they weren't Christians? Just makes no sense.

whynotwhatknot · 13/12/2022 11:39

it was rude and insentive anyone saying that about my mother after i just lost her would be cut off

diddl · 13/12/2022 11:40

I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

I'm surprised that this is what it took for you to realise this tbh.

GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness.

Does she really?

If you are that far apart in faith perhaps you aren't compatible as friends!

toffeecrisps · 13/12/2022 11:40

HikingforScenery · 13/12/2022 10:28

You opened that can of worms by making heat of her beliefs. I’m sure she believes she’s not being a good friend if she didn’t tell you it’s no joke.
You’ve reached a point where you both need to decide on your friendship tbh

People with faith and those without ( or have different faith) can absolutely be friends but each other’s point of view must be respected.

This is not OPs fault. She should be able to share a lighthearted comment about what she used to say to her mum without this so called friend telling her her recently deceased mother is currently being eternally tortured.

Another vote here for telling her to fuck right off.

CaptainMyCaptain · 13/12/2022 11:40

She would no longer be a friend of mine.

Mummyratbag · 13/12/2022 11:41

Not read every post - but didn't Jesus say "feed the hungry, clothe the poor and comfort the bereaved" ? She has obviously chosen to ignore that bit!

A colleague said to DH (who is a lapsed Catholic) "I'm sad that I won't be with you in the next life" the implication that DH would not be going to the same place!

I believe in a divine creator who knows ours hearts. You return to them after death and learn from your incarnation here. I don't believe anyone is beyond rejoining with God or is ever lost. There again, maybe there is nothing, if this is all there is then so be it.

TeamRR · 13/12/2022 11:42

lightand · 13/12/2022 11:35

I am a Christian.

If she had "a little bit of faith", well I am not the Judge, but she should be going to Heaven.

And if she didn't have that little bit of faith?

You're probably as bad as OP's "friend" tbh.

CrunchyCarrot · 13/12/2022 11:42

I'm a Christian but I would never say this to someone, it's unfeeling and unkind! Also, I am not so certain that it's so black and white that the minute one dies one is in either Heaven or Hell. I think there is a lot of unknown and we feeble humans just insert our own judgement values to make up for the lack of understanding.

I'm sorry you have had this experience OP, on top of losing your Mum (my condolences). You could either sit down with your friend and explain how her comments have made you feel (but risk her reiterating her beliefs) or just quietly avoid her for awhile, or see less of her.

EndlessRain1 · 13/12/2022 11:45

lightand · 13/12/2022 11:35

I am a Christian.

If she had "a little bit of faith", well I am not the Judge, but she should be going to Heaven.

Ah yes, if she had no faith it would be fine to tell her she's gone to hell. faith in god that is.

NKFell · 13/12/2022 11:45

I'm very sorry for your loss @Rosiesmydog Flowers

I'm Catholic, I would never say this (and btw, I certainly don't believe your Mum is in hell!). I was always taught that heaven is for everyone regardless of religion.

It's unkind and is absolutely not Christian, she absolutely shouldn't be speaking on behalf of God!

AuntieMarys · 13/12/2022 11:47

She is an utter bitch. Tell her to keep her sick views to herself

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2022 11:47

You don’t respond. She’s not a friend, at best she’s stupid and thick skinned, at worst she’s an evil bitch. How could any “Christian” say that to a grieving friend, even if it’s what they believe?

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/12/2022 11:48

speakout · 13/12/2022 11:24

Personally I believe that anyone who leads a good life - no matter what their faith, or lack of it, will be welcome in heaven.

But that isn't christian doctrine.
The bible states clearly it isn't enough to be a good person.
Otherwise what's all this jesus is a saviour stuff.
The bible clearly states there is only one way to salvation- accepting that jesus died for you, and only through him will you find eternal peace in heaven.

What's the point in being a christian then?

My sister constantly tells our mother that our father who has passed will be in hell because he was an atheist.
My mother - a christian- gets very upset about that.

Yes - but doctrine is human interpretation.

I am a Christian because i do believe that God became incarnate in mortal flesh to try to open people to the force for good which is the creative and sustaining force behind the universe - all universes.

I also believe that this God-in-Man died because this was so important, and that he was resurrected to show the truth of his being and his message.

There is a lot the "Church" pushes that I think they are wrong about, but I do believe in the divinity of Christ, and a loving, forgiving and welcoming God.

I daresay I'm not mainstream, but I am Christian.

Carouselfish · 13/12/2022 11:48

'Keep your fantasies to yourself, my mum has just died.'

StripeyDeckchair · 13/12/2022 11:51

She's not a good friend
Given that most religions boil down to "love one another", certainly Christianity does, she's not a good practitioner of the religion she claims to follow.

I'd take a large step back and, if asked why, tell her.

ILikeBigSaladsAndICannotLie · 13/12/2022 11:56

OP, honestly I'd just ignore what she said. It sounds like she was just using the opportunity to push her own beliefs - I know some people like this & some of them really will take any opportunity to turn the conversation to religion, try to persuade you to attend their church. Because it's not good enough that someone has faith, it's got to align with what is taught at their church. Otherwise they do in fact believe you'll go to hell, no matter how generous & lovely a person you might have been in life. You could probably spend your life in poverty eating rice & lentils, digging wells in drought ridden nations, then give your life to save someone else... but if you don't accept their version of religion you're still not going to get into heaven. It's all a load of bollocks.

@Lilgamesh2 yes I do know several people who literally believe this. In RL, not just through social media. Every conversation, every time I see them, it's utterly draining. I actually wonder if I know the person the OP is referring to.

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/12/2022 11:56

Thymely · 13/12/2022 11:37

If God exists I don't believe that he is so superficial that he relies on repenting and accepting Jesus to decide on who gets into heaven. God is meant to be all seeing so he can tell who is good or bad and judge accordingly. Good people go to heaven, bad people don't and most of us may get let in by the back door if we're lucky. A quick repent on your death bed wouldn't hack it with a true God. And why would it matter what religion you follow so long as you are a good person? Or are there different heavens for other religions? Or is hell full of lovely good people being tortured for eternity just because they weren't Christians? Just makes no sense.

Show quote history

Exactly!

Repentance has to be sincere, and not self-centred, either.

Good people are good people whatever their faith stance, and bad ones are bad, and spouting scripture won't cut it if you don't live the life. Deeds speak louder than words.

Every living creature is beloved by God (Yes, even wasps! 😄). It sounds trite but it is true - "God . . . hateth nothing that he hath made" (Wisdom 11.24) And Everything and everyone is beloved.

ActionThisDay · 13/12/2022 11:57

speakout · 13/12/2022 11:24

Personally I believe that anyone who leads a good life - no matter what their faith, or lack of it, will be welcome in heaven.

But that isn't christian doctrine.
The bible states clearly it isn't enough to be a good person.
Otherwise what's all this jesus is a saviour stuff.
The bible clearly states there is only one way to salvation- accepting that jesus died for you, and only through him will you find eternal peace in heaven.

What's the point in being a christian then?

My sister constantly tells our mother that our father who has passed will be in hell because he was an atheist.
My mother - a christian- gets very upset about that.

There isn't only one Christian position on this. Christian universalism is a well-established branch of theology and takes the position that we will all be saved. It's not the mainstream Anglican position (although there are plenty of Anglican universalists) but neither is it particularly obscure, so do be careful about making statements about what constitutes Christian doctrine.

TodayInahurry · 13/12/2022 11:58

I have generally found most religious people are not very nice and I avoid

ILikeBigSaladsAndICannotLie · 13/12/2022 12:00

TodayInahurry · 13/12/2022 11:58

I have generally found most religious people are not very nice and I avoid

Yes. Some are lovely. Some are really unpleasant (and give it a bad name, & do things directly at odds with what is taught in the bible). A good many are somewhere in between.