Religious friend says my mums in hell!

[Rosiesmydog]

Excuse the rather hysterical subject title! She didn’t actually say she is, only that she may be…
context: my mum died last month. She was 99 and very frail. She had Covid. That’s on the DC but afaic she died of extreme old age.
I met with a very good friend of mine last night. GF is very religious…I’m absolutely not. I don’t believe in the hereafter or god or any other deity. GF knows this but tolerates my ungodliness. GF offered condolences and let me rabbit on about my mum. All well and good…
I spoke about the funeral, how we had a celebrant but had a hymn as my mum did have a little bit of faith and did a lot with the church when I was a kid. However, my mum was often hard work and I jokingly made a throwaway remark about how I used to tell her she’d never go to heaven and she’d end up in hell (all in jest).

last night I got a msg from her, basically saying that if mum hadnt accepted Jesus as lord and saviour then she will be in hell and that I should accept him or I’ll end up there…
really don’t know how to respond to this! Feeling quite upset that GF has judged my mum by her standards and chooses to lecture me about my ungodliness. Seems very unchristian really given the circs.
just looking for some words of wisdom from you folks I guess. I don’t want to break a friendship, she’s always known how I feel about religion but I think she’s crossed a line here and I feel quite conflicted. Im tempted to just ignore and sweep it under the carpet, but it’s blighted what was a good friendship and at a difficult time for me, given my recent loss 😔. I now realise that joking about heaven and hell to a committed Christian is a big no no!

So you don’t believe that people have to ‘repent and accept Jesus’ to go to heaven?

I haven’t read the full thread, but it’s possible your friend felt compelled to tell you this because she is concerned for your soul. Sounds nutty, but that is the nature of these things sometimes.

Believing what she believes is fine.

Weaponising it to 'persuade' you to convert is not.

I am so sorry for your loss.

This person is no friend. If you were feeling strong enough to message her a rebuke, go ahead. I would just block her and never speak to her again.

I hope you're okay.

The utter bullshit that comes out of people's mouths in the name of religion, is appalling. Tell your friend to fuck off.

No friend. I would have to say something.

Lots of people are posting sensitive messages you could send back, but to be honest I would tell this woman to go fuck herself and then never speak to her again.

I don’t care what you believe, I care how you behave. And she’s behaved like someone who can go fuck themselves.

Sorry your friend has revealed herself to be such a horrible person after you lost your mother.

She can think what she wants but how Christian is it really to tell someone who’s recently bereaved that their loved one’s in hell?

This. I'd tell her how unchristian and lacking compassion it is to say something like this to a grieving friend.

Then I'd tell her to fuck off. Christianity is no excuse to be hurtful and someone's death is no excuse to start pushing your own religious agenda.

The difference being, of course, that the cliff and the load of spikes are actually real, and falling onto them is not dependant upon an outdated, extremely dubious set of moral values.

What a horrible, vile piece of work to say that about an old lady to her grieving relative. I am a Christian and my grandfather was a priest, and neither of us would ever have said that, or even thought it.

It's a very insensitive thing to text. Especially as she must have gone home, thought about it and texted it. It's not like it slipped out during the conversation.
How would she feel if you said that her recently deceased mother wasn't in heaven because it's all made up and doesn't exist?

Seems very unchristian really given the circs These types seem to forget the bit about "let him who is without sin cast the first stone" and "“There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” So very unChristian. So perhaps a "Who are you to judge?" with a Mumsnet head tilt.

This

I cannot get my head around her type of Christianity.

I haven't read the full thread sorry but I'd be tempted to reply with well at least she will be warm and won't need to worry about the heating bills.

I have a warped sense of humour and have told all manners of religious people that my 1st class seat to hell is booked, i'm not remotely religious but am happy to listen to others describe theirs, but don't enjoy when they try to force their religion on me. That's usually when my sarcasm finds its way out my mouth.

I am so sorry for your loss and know how you feel, I lost my mum recently as well, we all deal with death and grief differently and If a friend of mine had said that I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

No, I’m not in the least spiritual, never have been and being made to go to church as a child, actually reinforced my certainty that god, heaven and hell don’t exist. I think it’s because she has chosen to judge my mum by her (imho extreme) beliefs. And also that she’s now pushing her beliefs on me, despite knowing how I actually feel. My view is that we have one life and after that, there’s nothing and that’s my idea of rest in peace.
still trying to think about how to deal with this…I don’t want to break a friendship (she’s an ex work colleague). I think she’s having a hard time adjusting to retirement, but I keep saying to here that surely she gets support from her church?

I've not read the whole thread so I apologise for that. I am not saying that this is my belief, however from reading various parts of the Bible as I was interested in exploring Christianity it doesnt say anything about good people going to heaven and bad people going to hell - and I think we are all guilty of getting upset thinking it implies we are bad people if mentioned we are going to hell. It says stuff along the lines as well that being a good person doesn't earn you a place in heaven... That the only way to get there is by accepting Jesus into your heart etc. So you could be the worst person ever, accept Jesus and boom your in heaven! Doesn't sit right with me!
Your friend was very insensitive, however if you don't believe in the Bible (and think that it's all made up by a group of 5 drunken guys many years ago for a laugh like I do decided) then I would either brush it off or decide how you feel about your friendship. If you don't believe in God and the words in his Bible then you won't believe in a heaven or a hell - so ignore her judgement on your mother and ignore her opinion!

For her friend it is real.

Anyway I thought there was an understanding in the UK.

Atheists generally joke about the man in the sky and fairytales people may believe in, and the people who believe quietly feel sorry for the non-believers eternal souls.

Personally I wouldn't have said what your friend did because I can't be arsed with the backlash, but can understand why she felt compelled to text after OP broached the subject.

Personally I believe that anyone who leads a good life - no matter what their faith, or lack of it, will be welcome in heaven.

But that isn't christian doctrine.
The bible states clearly it isn't enough to be a good person.
Otherwise what's all this jesus is a saviour stuff.
The bible clearly states there is only one way to salvation- accepting that jesus died for you, and only through him will you find eternal peace in heaven.

What's the point in being a christian then?

My sister constantly tells our mother that our father who has passed will be in hell because he was an atheist.
My mother - a christian- gets very upset about that.

I like some Christians. However I don't believe it is their Christianity that makes them a good person, rather in spite of.
Far too many Christians use their beliefs to force their opinions on others for it to be a fringe view, so it must be encouraged in the culture.

No, I don't.

That would condemn many people who hadn't even heard of Jesus (eg indigenous tribes etc) or of Christianity to an eternity of hell through no fault of their own. What sort of loving God would do that? Certainly not the God I believe in.

I believe that God is the (for want of a better description) creative force for good in the world, and that this force influences people to be have well and unselfishly - if we open ourselves to it. I believe that Jesus Christ was the embodiment of that force incarnated in human form, who chose to come to teach us how to be open to the Divine, and that it is through that that we come to God and eventually to heaven*.

I believe that there are many people, as I have said, of all faiths and of none, who are instinctively - at least at some times in their lives - open to the Divine; that is is the Holy Spirit working in and through them. I also believe that some people are unaware that they are open, and often lead quite "sinful" (I don't really like that word in the way it's used now) lives, but who then shock themselves by behaving in a truly Christ-inspired way (eg Oskar Schindler) - people who when the chips are down see what is important and fight for it, often at great risk to themselves.

Are some people beyond redemption? I don't know, though thinking of people like Savile, Putin, etc maybe. And there are other people just as evil and cruel, but on a domestic scale. Perhaps they are. But only God sees the heart, and only God sees what experiences have formed even the most brutal among us, so only God can make that judgement. However, no matter how difficult our up brings we can't blame our bad behaviour on others - we each have a responsibility to break that cycle of cruelty.

*Heaven being closeness to God, and Hell separation from God

Well I for one would rather be in hell with your lovely sounding mum, than in heaven with your judgy pants sanctimonious ‘friend’. 🤷

Just reply saying “I’ll see you there Bitch”!

That's an awful thing she said to you.
I had similar when a friend of my Dad's said to me after he died "Well, I hope he had time to repent his sins before God took him otherwise he'll be in purgatory for a very long time"
I was absolutely devastated - the arsehole knew full well my Dad had died suddenly in his sleep. He had no time to repent anything.
I do believe in God and I believe God took him at that moment in his sleep because that was the right time.
I'm a Catholic and I've spent a lot of time talking to a couple of priests about this, which has helped a lot.

I think it's a horrible thing she said to you. It shouldn't have been said, no matter what she believes. I don't think I could continue a friendship with someone who had said that to me.

She knows less than nothing.
Block her as her negativity will get you down.

Oh come on. Saying someone is going to hell is a horrible thing to say, especailly from someone who is religious. It's intention isn't it? If someone said that about my mum right after she'd died, that she would burn in hell for enternity, whether I believe that to be true or not I would consider that a shitty thing to say.

I'm interested in how you reconcile that with what the Bible says? Not from a place of judgement, just curiosity.