His ex & adult children-anyone else struggle?

[PebblesHarley]

My partner has an ex who he is still contributing financially to even though they have no joint assets or young children. When I bring it up it inevitably leads to an argument and him getting angry but he's not contributing much to our household.
He has 3 grown up daughters, all in their mid 30s and is forever lending or giving them money too as they never pay back. He says he has always done this and fears saying no will upset them. Its not for necessities if it was maybe I could understand but it's for takeaways etc.
We have been together nearly 2 years and still I am not allowed to visit his children's homes if the ex is there, at special events he can go, not me- incase the ex is upset.

Sometimes it feels like they are still the family unit and I'm just there. Anyone else struggle with situations like this?

You are worth so much more than this bloke reckons you are.

He's taking the piss. Living with you rent free and bunging you 50 quid a week. What a joke.

He has no financial responsibility to his grown up kids. And unless it's written in his divorce he has no need to be paying for his ex wife's rent and phone contract.

Get rid of him

Thank you all for your replies.
He sent a few friendly texts, sent photo of his grandchild then said was coming for his things -he didn't,then said someone coming for them tomorrow. He's flipped from being nice one minute,if you needed more money should have asked, to it feels like wanting to provoke an argument or get reaction out of me.
His focus is that he is homeless due to me and my demands,not even attempted to fix things.
I've been in an abusive relationship before and feel stupid because I have felt that this isn't right. My go to, is to apologise, blame myself , I should have done x y z and this is what I've done in past with him . I just hoped that things would get better .
Have said stuff ready for collection tomorrow , my friend going to come around for support.
My older kids have spoke to me today and I've said sorry to them,I feel like a shit mother. They're not happy with the things they heard him say.
Someone said about me setting an example to my kids and as hard as it was to hear,thank you. I want my kids to have healthy relationships and boundaries.
I've actually signed up to do the Freedom Prog last week, good timing hey?
Xx

That's a great update OP. You're doing the right thing and that makes you a really good mum actually.

Really happy to hear how strong you're being Pebbles. Good Mama.

Notice how he simultaneously 'hardly stays there' (therefore doesn't need to contribute towards rent and bills), and is now homeless and its all your fault.

I think you want to be a good mother with a strong example to your children.

You deserve better than him.

Your children have heard enough.

Please, please be the mother they want to remember 20 years from now, ........that influences the rest of their lives.

Please remember

Hes a loser whos been living off you.

He has nowhere to go.

Has been living off your children.

Will say ANYTHING to get you to be a mug again.

Protect your children.

Op you can’t simply apologise for being a shit mum and not actually do something to change their family life and home for the better.

And posting on mumsnet is not doing anything

You clearly haven't read the updates. Why not knock a woman while she's down eh, cos that'll help.

Because ultimately the OP moved a man who from the very outset didn’t disguise his appalling approach to finances and his pathetic contribution, far too soon after getting together with him. In to the homes and lives of her young and dependent children.

she has apologised for being a shit mum but I do not sense at all a commitment to have nothing more to do with this man

Cease direct communication with him.

Ask of your friend would be willing to be present whilst he collects his stuff

and then have nothing, literally nothing, more to do with him

Yes you are a mug. Get rid.

He is an adult in a well paid job. He is responsible for his housing situation. Not you.

Youth responsibility is to yourself and your children. Remind yourself of your priorities before he comes over.

Look after yourself and your children. He never has and never will.

Sorry Op I didn’t see your excellent update.

Hope he moves out without any trouble and you and your kids have a good Christmas without him.

Great update OP. Stay strong he will try to emotionally manipulate you to keep the status quo. His housing situation isn't your problem. He is a grown man and needs to sort himself out.

I think you should write a list if all the shit things he says and does. It might help you in a weak moment.

Jesus. I'd shove his stuff in a black bag and shit in it for good measure.

Hope you don't allow him back into your life. Believe me, life is way too short.

Good update OP.

He's expecting you to prop him up whilst he does what he likes.

If you've had a previously abusive relationship and you've ended up in a relationship with a man like this, it could be worth you looking into getting counselling so you know your worth and you get wise to some of the signs of potentially abusive men.

Good luck op, you’ve done the right thing for you and your kids. Stay strong and have a wonderful, arsehole free, Christmas with your lovely children.

PebblesHarley, you need to change your name to DiamondsHarley, because you are tough, strong and beautiful!

Well done OP - you stood up for yourself and your children. Don't worry about making him homeless - he can go back to where he is paying rent.

He was mean blaming the alcohol and ignoring the real issues - his lack of commitment. If it's that easy for him the walk away OP, then he was never really there.

It may smart for a bit - enjoy Christmas with your children and start the New Year afresh.

Good luck OP

Wow what a dick
youll be well shot of him as hard as you might think it is

Hopefully the 'handover' is done and dusted without any hassle. Now, onwards and upwards!

This 100 times over.

Just remember his actual intention was to gaily live off your generosity indefinitely.

When he leaves. Pack his stuff leave it outside. Get the locks changed. Job done.

You will feel so much better after a few days

Fingers crossed he doesn't drag out picking up his stuff and he doesn't try and make you feel bad and all "it's Christmas ". He can stay with one of his kids