His ex & adult children-anyone else struggle?

[PebblesHarley]

My partner has an ex who he is still contributing financially to even though they have no joint assets or young children. When I bring it up it inevitably leads to an argument and him getting angry but he's not contributing much to our household.
He has 3 grown up daughters, all in their mid 30s and is forever lending or giving them money too as they never pay back. He says he has always done this and fears saying no will upset them. Its not for necessities if it was maybe I could understand but it's for takeaways etc.
We have been together nearly 2 years and still I am not allowed to visit his children's homes if the ex is there, at special events he can go, not me- incase the ex is upset.

Sometimes it feels like they are still the family unit and I'm just there. Anyone else struggle with situations like this?

Be single for a while.

Dreading today because he can get quite nasty and defensive.

Don't engage with him. Put his stuff outside the door and get the locks changed.

Good riddance.

As others have said, pack his stuff in bin bags and leave outside for him to collect. Do not engage if/when he turns up.

Lock the door and leave the key half turned in the lock so that he can't use his key to unlock. Then change the locks asap, today or tomorrow if you have a friend who's handy with a screwdriver. It's very easy to swap barrels or even entire mortice locks, you can easily do it yourself.

Then have another glass of wine this evening to celebrate. 😁🍷

So he’s living with you, in your home, with your children from a previous relationship? He contributes a bit towards food but that’s it, nothing towards heating, water or rent.
Hes taking you for a mug op. He can only play Disney dad because you’re letting live there rent free. Give him an ultimatum, he either contributes to your household or he moves out.

I wonder how much money he’ll be able to generously donate to his ex wife and kids when he has his own rent/bills/food to buy!?

Just pack up all his stuff and leave it at the door. Change the locks and block him.

Stay strong and don't back down. You do not need this freeloading cocklodger in your life. He's treated you with such disrespect. He's got a wife to go back to which is probably what he'll do. It might be worth doing The Freedom Programme before you consider another relationship. Take some time to rebuild you. I wish you lots of luck

Echo the PP who’ve said to put his stuff outside. He has no right to enter your home if you don’t want him to, and by the sounds of it you shouldn’t let him in.

If you can’t pack it fast enough, do you have a friend or relative who’ll come and be in the house with you when he arrives? I’m not suggesting he’ll hurt you, but a witness there will ensure he’s not constantly slagging you off whilst getting his stuff together, and it’ll make it harder for him to take any of your stuff and claim it’s his.

If it really gets nasty, ask him to leave - and call the Police if he won’t.

Honestly, you've dodged a bullet. Get his stuff out and change the locks.

People get nasty and defensive when they know they are in the wrong.

If you have good reasons for something then you can discuss and talk about stuff, it is when you know you are wrong that you try to bully your way out of a situation.

When he comes for his stuff have it ready bagged at the door, there is nothing to discuss except “ give me back my door keys” and “ where do you want your post forwarded to”

£50 a week for everything!
Stay strong OP, you don’t want him to come crawling back when he can’t find such a cheap deal elsewhere.

OP he is going to come back expecting you to apologise and grovel for forgiveness. Don't.

Have his bags packed. Tell him you're stone cold sober and meant every word. He brings nothing to your house. He doesn't even cover his own expenses. You've realised you're better off without him in every way. He can go stay where he usually does since he's 'hardly ever there'. Failing that he has the house he pays rent on!

If he gets nasty call the police and have him removed.

I really hope you're packing up his stuff all ready for him to take away Op. He thinks he's punishing you by saying he'll leave and today you'll be sorry and stop complaining. Give yourself and your DC the Christmas present you deserve by telling him it's over. Don't listen to his rubbish, call the police if necessary, and get on with your life

Seriously, isn’t this a good result? He’s gone so you don’t need to make him leave. Bung all his stuff into bags now and put them by the front door. When he turns up put them out the front door and then close it

I'm actually wondering if he actually gives his ex and adult children anything at all. These type of men often make out that they are incredibly generous elsewhere.

My dd has a half-sister and when they were teenagers they both believed that their father was being very generous with and supportive of the other and only being stingy with them.

Have his stuff ready and make sure you get his key when he arrives. I assume he is not on a joint tenancy with you (and no rights to the home if you own it)?

Have you heard from him today OP? I hope you are ok.

Well done OP. Stay strong, don't let him back in. You owe yourself and your children this - he's a leach.

OP, bag up his stuff, have it by the door, get your key and never allow this user loser in again.

Your children have no doubt been through enough without their mother spending money keeping a boyfriend rather than soending on them.

He has so little respect for you he verbally abused you in front of your children.

They won't forget that.

You need to do better

Do not move another man into your childrens home when your boundaries and standards are so poor.

Your children need you to do better.

Look at doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk online to help you model better.

You surely don't want your children to end up with similar partners?

You and they deserve better.

User losers are ten a penny, stay the hell away from them.

Record him collecting his stuff with your phone and ring the police if he gets even slightly aggressive.

Oh and expect him to try and schmooze you when he sees you are serious.

User losers hate to see a mug wise up to them.

For God sake, just tell him to leave.

Leave his stuff on the doorstep and get the locks changed asap.

He sounds horrible.
Well done for getting rid of him.

Sorry to agree with you saying you're a mug. Get rid of him. It will only end in tears for you. Good luck with your choices.

How did it go op?