His ex & adult children-anyone else struggle?

[PebblesHarley]

My partner has an ex who he is still contributing financially to even though they have no joint assets or young children. When I bring it up it inevitably leads to an argument and him getting angry but he's not contributing much to our household.
He has 3 grown up daughters, all in their mid 30s and is forever lending or giving them money too as they never pay back. He says he has always done this and fears saying no will upset them. Its not for necessities if it was maybe I could understand but it's for takeaways etc.
We have been together nearly 2 years and still I am not allowed to visit his children's homes if the ex is there, at special events he can go, not me- incase the ex is upset.

Sometimes it feels like they are still the family unit and I'm just there. Anyone else struggle with situations like this?

Don't put up with this shit. Ul always be last, even his ex comes before u.

It's clear he will never cut ties with his ex, give his daughters money whenever they ask. Yet u get hardly a bean. He shld be paying half or almost half given kids are urs.

Sit him down have a serious talk and if he can't see it's wrong and put u first and start laying up throw him out!

@Azerothi ok she can get rid then. My point was more that it's everything to do with her where his money goes when he's not paying his way in her household.

I have said to him I'm struggling . Sometimes he will give me an extra £20 ,other times he will say he's away some weeks with work-but regardless bills still need to be paid, his clothes are getting washed etc.
I do feel 2nd best to the ex and have said this but I'm made to feel like I'm unreasonable for feeling this way.

You are being a complete mug, OP.

Honestly, go into your bedroom now and pack up this man's stuff. He's sponging off you and has absolutely no intention of committing to you.

Tell him to get out - it sounds as though he can go to his children's homes or his ex's. His choice.

Yea you’re a mug, he’s a cocklodger for Christmas give yourself the gift of self respect and Chuck him out

Why are you with him?
Buy something with batteries instead and boot him out of your children’s lives. You’re being an absolute doormat, and he’s wiping his feet on you every day.

She literally doesn't though. She's calling him her partner but how long have they actually lived together? Why is he living with her children when they've not even been together for two years and doesn't help with rent.

All she can do is dump him. The issue isn't that he gives money to his family, but that's seemingly what she's most annoyed about. it's the only normal thing he's doing.

The fact is he doesn't want to pay rent. So kick him out if it's her place.

Goes without saying, you need to end this relationship pronto. If he wishes to support his ex and adult DC that’s absolutely fine but he should also be contributing to your household and it’s shocking he thinks it’s ok not to.

Are you seriously putting up with this situation OP? Please get rid of this cocklodger you are indirectly supporting his kids. Why do some women put up with this BS??

Get rid, it would be better for you and your children. You both deserve better.

I really hope he is at least dynamite in bed and incredibly supportive in other ways - but I suspect not.

It’s funny how he uses the word selfish and is so concerned about not being selfish to his ex and children, but in order to facilitate that he’s using you and being…..selfish.

All bills should be split in half.

Rent, council tax, insurance, utilities broadband etc

You're losing single person occupancy discount. ? Losing any other tax credits to have him living there?

If you have 3 children there full time I'd expect you to pay a bit more perhaps for food.

If he can't afford to live with you he'll have to move else where. Now.

Stop prioritising him over your children. Your subsidising him.

You are being well and truly taken for a ride. He has bills where he lives. If he lived alone he'd still have rent/mortgage/gas & electric standing charges (even if no usage)/ council tax etc - whether he was home or not.

No way I'd want to be with someone who didn't think paying his way in life was fair.

And then when you add in the ex, nope, not for me.

Not often I join in the pile on but in this case, bombs away.

Sorry to be blunt, but if I'm reading this correct he is basically fucking you and fucking you over at the same time?

LTB.

Love this!
He's probably thinking that you have to pay the bills regardless of if he's there or not (had me a cocklodger once) so doesn't see the need for him to contribute (that's what mine said)
Disabuse him of this concept as I did mine, it's soooo freeing, the sense of taking back your life is heady stuff

He's taking money from your children to finance his own effectively

Get rid

Yeah am sure that's his way of thinking-i have to pay the bills anyway so why should he contribute.
He's complaining constantly that has no money but is on a decent wage.

Seeing it in black n white from strangers-puts it in perspective. I've accepted this situation by backing down whenever I've challenged him.

Stop being a mug.

He is stealing from your children to buy his adult kids takeaways.

You're a mug. Keep repeating until it sinks in and you kick him into touch.

Boot him out. He can go and stay with his ex seeing as he's contributing to her rent.

He can give his adult children as much as he likes but he can't cocklodge off his partner. He needs to pay his way towards his own home. What he does with any cash left over is his own affair (since it appears you don't share finances). I wouldn't comment on his gifts to his daughters but tell him he needs to pay for himself or he can fuck off.

He’s just using you. Get rid .

"he's not contributing much to our household."

You are funding his lifestyle at the expense of your children's financial security. He is literally stealing from your children.

It is time for you to throw him out. I'm sure his adult daughters will be more than happy to host their sponging parasite of a father. But you - YOU need to be shot of him. He's nothing but a gaslighting cocklodger, and you deserve better.

Does he have a cock of gold or something you’re not telling us about?! Him even telling you he pays for his exs phone bill and rent shows she has no respect for you, time to get some for yourself and kick him out

You are being a mug OP.

It’s up to him what he gives to his 3 adult children but what on earth is he still giving his ex money for? I feel like there has to be something there… either he still loves her a bit or cares an awful lot for her still. You’re not allowed to be around if his ex is there? I’m sorry but it is so odd!

I personally never understand the comments as if 2 year relationship is “nothing” it’s quite a long time for this to still be going on, you live together etc

I think you are being unreasonable for still being with him