Buying for the 'kids' when they're in fact grabby adults!!

[AppelationStation]

I'm the youngest of my siblings by some way and have lots of nieces and nephews much older than my DC. Oldest niece is 27, youngest nephew 13. My DC is 7.

This year, like some others but not consistently, siblings and I have agreed to just buy for the kids. All the nieces and nephews. Fair enough. My oldest niece is an adult, earns more than me, owns her own home (courtesy of her parents). We do OK but are generally a bit hard up even before all this economic mess. It was made clear that buying for the kids had to include oldest niece and I was a bit 🙄 but don't want her to feel left out. They're all my family and I love them.

Siblings and I share our kids' Christmas lists. On nieces list were several designer perfumes, some expensive cosmetics (that I could never afford to buy myself), some clothes from particular (pricey) shops. I bought the cheapest of these at £37.

Nieces mother lives abroad having retired in her late 40s. I'm waiting for one of the gifts to arrive for one of the others so I can send them all together as other sibling and niece live v near each other. They're on the other side of the country from me and we're not seeing them this year (went there last year).

Oldest sister has just asked if I can hurry up and send her daughters present to her before she leaves to travel abroad for Christmas this time next week. Am I wrong in thinking this is taking the piss a bit now? She'll get it when I send them all, I'll make sure they get them before Xmas. And if, in the worst are scenario, it gets lost in the post or something and she gets her present when she comes back to the UK because she's going abroad a week before Xmas, it's not the end of the world because SHE'S A BLOODY ADULT and can deal with it?

I'm particularly up to the eyeballs this year with work, the way the school term falls and some health stuff, so maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable. I don't begrudge my niece a gift but am irked that it has to be so fancy and her having it is SO urgent, like she's 5 and her Christmas depends on it.

For info my sibling sent my DS7 a gift, which I'll need to wrap. Its a book.

I am childless on a family of fertile siblings🤣last year I told them I wasn't doing it any mor,onli for the one thst is under 18. Offended? Tough. If the adult ones can't even be bothered to send me a card why should I bother? Harsh? Tough. Going away on holiday with mate instead 🤣

You know damn well you’re not being unreasonable 😂 hopefully writing it all down like this has given you clarity because these absolute pisstake situations definitely creep up on us over time and when we take stock of it we are like….wow. Seriously, enough - knock this shit on the head for next year at the latest! X

Over 18s = token gift based on their circumstances!
or a card ! Send love & greetings!

How bloody ridiculous i could not stand or tolerate this rudeness and its utterly ridiculous a 27 yr old expects a present at all. Time for some home truths i think. They are showing you zero respect or consideration so stick it to them. Shame on them!

I would have sent them all gift tokens

"Buying for the kids" should mean just that. Definitely not adults living independently. I have told family this year this is what I'm doing. I am actually buying a small gift for 19 y/o grandson as he still lives with his parents and of course his younger sister will get a (slightly more expensive) gift from me. Once he moves out I won't be buying him Christmas gifts.

I would have binned off the listened sent something cheaper, if I wanted to buy her anything. The request to hurry up and send it would have annoyed me as well.

I always think there MUST be some sort of comeuppance for grabby adults when people get sick of their demands. An almost 30yo woman having a Christmas list to send to Aunty?! How are people not constantly telling her to fuck off every day? Unbearable!

Think tell them early on that you are only buying for under 18’s only next year and suggest gifts to be within a max budget of £10 or £20 or however much you can afford either per child or between the number of children in the family.

in our large family we give money to nephews and nieces but under 18s only. We then do a secret santa that nephews and nieces can join in with if they want to. So one present only to buy for about £20. 👍

I wouldn’t buy her a perfume. Get her a £10 gift card toward it. As you say, she’s an adult!

Really like this idea - especially as kids in extended family progress into late teens and 20s

27 is not a kid. Don't stretch your finances to pander to a spoilt adult. 'Kid' is under 18, or maybe 21, but a 27yr old is not a child and shouldn't be expecting expensive gifts like this.

My family always had an 18 year cut off! It was a shock when it happened to me … but unless an adult is buying you gifts it’s a no …

I just buy adult nieces a bottle of wine and this year they are getting a small box of nice biscuits. I only have 3 nieces 2 are married with kids of their own and one of those is also an adult , I give her the same as her mum and step dad, my other niece has two younger children she gets a bottle and I give them a cheque towards a day out in the new year.

I agree too.. Set age limit of 18... That's what our family did... Then on 30th, 40th Birthday we got a small gift

Agree a fixed price of £15 per person

Sometimes you have to be blunt as often people
Dont see beyond their nose

Hi sis, your daughter is knocking 30, she earns more than I and is a home owner. She no longer qualifies as a kid. She doesn't need anything i can afford.

I've bought her gifts all her life but this year will be the last

We’re doing a £10 rule this year, and also, who ever sticks to peoples’ lists? You sound amazing! No one ever sticks to my list 🤣 wish they would! Can you say you’re not getting anyone but close family things next year? Surely the parents buy for the kids and they have plenty. Everyone has plenty! If I had to buy for all my cousins etc I’d be totally bankrupt, even at a tenner! Good luck it sounds like a difficult situation!

In our family, that was the rule. Now, we did a drawing every year, so each adult would get ONE gift, with a price limit. It was $15 back then, around 1970, which would be almost $100 dollars today, so not cheap, but just one to buy.

Already said this on a previous thread. This is crazy! Either recipients are stupidly grabby or the present-givers are naive. Nobody needs to give presents to adults ever, in my opinion. DH and I tend to give a few small bits just to open, and we buy a TV or holiday etc and call that our present. My siblings and I do a secret santa and we sometime do tree presents if we see something fun, but no need to buy 'proper presents'. Christmas is really about the kids! We all agreed to stop for nieces and nephews aged 21, otherwise when do you draw the line? (It does feel mean when each gets to that point, but at least they know the score. Nobody wants to give stuff to dozens of thirty-somethings earning more than we do, after all......)

Over 12s in our family get cash or vouchers and Christmas gifts stop at 18.
I’m amazed people aged over 25 and in employment actually write lists and genuinely expect other adults to buy things off that list. Wow!

The last gift Nephews/neices get is on their 18th birthday. They are adults after that and, as is family custom, we don't buy for them after that.

They're so rude to you. I'd return the gift you got your niece and send her some sweets instead. If she receives gifts like a child, treat her like one.
And I agree that from next year I'd set different rules. To be honest I'd say no to gifts unless you spend Christmas together that year. And either just under 18s or Secret Santa.