Buying for the 'kids' when they're in fact grabby adults!!

[AppelationStation]

I'm the youngest of my siblings by some way and have lots of nieces and nephews much older than my DC. Oldest niece is 27, youngest nephew 13. My DC is 7.

This year, like some others but not consistently, siblings and I have agreed to just buy for the kids. All the nieces and nephews. Fair enough. My oldest niece is an adult, earns more than me, owns her own home (courtesy of her parents). We do OK but are generally a bit hard up even before all this economic mess. It was made clear that buying for the kids had to include oldest niece and I was a bit 🙄 but don't want her to feel left out. They're all my family and I love them.

Siblings and I share our kids' Christmas lists. On nieces list were several designer perfumes, some expensive cosmetics (that I could never afford to buy myself), some clothes from particular (pricey) shops. I bought the cheapest of these at £37.

Nieces mother lives abroad having retired in her late 40s. I'm waiting for one of the gifts to arrive for one of the others so I can send them all together as other sibling and niece live v near each other. They're on the other side of the country from me and we're not seeing them this year (went there last year).

Oldest sister has just asked if I can hurry up and send her daughters present to her before she leaves to travel abroad for Christmas this time next week. Am I wrong in thinking this is taking the piss a bit now? She'll get it when I send them all, I'll make sure they get them before Xmas. And if, in the worst are scenario, it gets lost in the post or something and she gets her present when she comes back to the UK because she's going abroad a week before Xmas, it's not the end of the world because SHE'S A BLOODY ADULT and can deal with it?

I'm particularly up to the eyeballs this year with work, the way the school term falls and some health stuff, so maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable. I don't begrudge my niece a gift but am irked that it has to be so fancy and her having it is SO urgent, like she's 5 and her Christmas depends on it.

For info my sibling sent my DS7 a gift, which I'll need to wrap. Its a book.

Age and price limit needed. You're being too soft! You do not have to buy off your niece's list if you can't afford it. Tell her/your sister that. If you're worried about the over 18's as struggling students send them a 'care package' of a few affordable treats in the New Year. Take the Christmas obligation out of it.

Glad you've decided it stops now.

That really has become ridiculous! Most families stop at 18, or 21 at a push. Over that age then it is surely that you have a close enough relationship to exchange gifts as adults (i.e. she starts buying them back for you).

This is my 18 year olds first Christmas as an adult - I'm really hoping that all the people who have been kind enough to give him a gift/money in the past stop now. I really wish some people had stopped when I turned 18...

Your older sister sounds very grabby/odd.

just say no more presents at all

i dont know about what most families do but we eventually tailed off, at my instigation. like others, i was buying for relatives in their twenties who were richer than me, but did not reciprocate, bit odd imo

Set a price limit too! A book and a £37 top are not equals.

Definitely let this be the last gift. Set a 21 and under limit for next year.

If you don't set a limit, when will this end? Will your kids continue to receive gifts until they're 27? And how old will your niece be then? 30? 40?

Christ, haven't written a Christmas wishlist since I was sixteen. They're taking the piss.

Yikes @AppelationStation
i haven’t read the full thread but personally if I don’t have my actual eyes on you on Christmas Day opening that designer teapot in the shape of an owl I found on the remainder aisle at TKMaxx, you are getting nothing. I don’t care whether you are 3 or 30. Gotta keep that Christmas magic ALIVE! Know whadda mean?

Knock it on the head now. A book compared to an expensive wish list? Nah!

What about getting her a book?

Say no gifts for over 21 years.

We stop at over 18. I was in two minds about my niece as it's her first year at Uni, but then she never even said thank you for a substantial financial gift for her 18th so that solved that issue!

Another vote for stopping at 18.

Also the adult nieces/nephews, inaddition to not requesting a gift for themselves (becuase they are adults). they could step up and buy a gift for their younger and still children cousins. But that doesnt sound likely in your family OP.

I will hazard a guess and say that DN is the golden child as the eldest cousin/grandchild and is used to being thoroughly spoilt. Has anyone ever said no to her? Just say no to gifts for adults as she earns her own money and everyone is struggling at the moment. So what if they sulk?

I am fuming for you op.
Bloody cheek.
Under 21/18 only.
My sis is a grabby trollope. We don't speak but I buy for her grandchildren. I doubt she will do it for mine. A card would be nice.

So what if they sulk?

Exactly. In my family there has been far too much time spent pandering to difficult people because they make peoples lives difficult if they don’t.

Let them sulk indeed.

Agree with PPs - only buy for kids under 21. Do the adult 'kids' buy YOU or your kid a present (not sure a Christmas ornament counts). Tell your sister her 27 year old isn't getting a gift this year or hereafter.

We have a rule if you work, you don't get a pressie. This institution has been in place since circa 1930 according to my mum!

We just buy for the children for Christmas now, but once they reach 18 it stops

Set a price limit per family....

We have 4 children, my brother and my husbands sister only have 1, so we will always spend a little bit more on our niece and nephew as we only have 1 present to buy and they have 4! We aim to spend around £40-£50 on each of them, but wouldn't expect my brother or my sister in law to spend that on each kid

Wow! Just get her a voucher towards the perfume/cosmetics she likes next time! Get it sent direct. Job done.

Buy for U21 ( or U18 ) only. Job done. Totally unreasonable to be so demanding. Or send a box of chocs with £10 on the top. Nice!

Your niece is grabby.

We went from “gifts for kids under 16 only” to “here’s a nice tin of biscuits for the whole family to share” to “no prezzies at all for extended family, save your money” over the course of about 5 years. It’s great not having to worry about this shit.

Just reply “lol” to you sister’s text about making sure the expensive gift arrives before the niece jets off. It’s the only acceptable reply for all CF demands ime.

You shouldn't have spent that much. Just buy her something off-list. Like a book, or a voucher. She's grabby for not putting cheap things on her list.

Time to ditch this system, it doesn't work with such vastly different ages of kids.

In itself, I find it pretty grabby for a 27 year old to still be providing a list rather than gratefully receiving whatever people decide to get them.

Does she buy gifts for her parents and immediate family, I wonder? I think it's pretty poor form for someone that age to still view themselves as someone that receives, rather than gives as well. I was buying gifts as well as receiving them from my teens. It's madness if she isn't.