Buying for the 'kids' when they're in fact grabby adults!!

[AppelationStation]

I'm the youngest of my siblings by some way and have lots of nieces and nephews much older than my DC. Oldest niece is 27, youngest nephew 13. My DC is 7.

This year, like some others but not consistently, siblings and I have agreed to just buy for the kids. All the nieces and nephews. Fair enough. My oldest niece is an adult, earns more than me, owns her own home (courtesy of her parents). We do OK but are generally a bit hard up even before all this economic mess. It was made clear that buying for the kids had to include oldest niece and I was a bit 🙄 but don't want her to feel left out. They're all my family and I love them.

Siblings and I share our kids' Christmas lists. On nieces list were several designer perfumes, some expensive cosmetics (that I could never afford to buy myself), some clothes from particular (pricey) shops. I bought the cheapest of these at £37.

Nieces mother lives abroad having retired in her late 40s. I'm waiting for one of the gifts to arrive for one of the others so I can send them all together as other sibling and niece live v near each other. They're on the other side of the country from me and we're not seeing them this year (went there last year).

Oldest sister has just asked if I can hurry up and send her daughters present to her before she leaves to travel abroad for Christmas this time next week. Am I wrong in thinking this is taking the piss a bit now? She'll get it when I send them all, I'll make sure they get them before Xmas. And if, in the worst are scenario, it gets lost in the post or something and she gets her present when she comes back to the UK because she's going abroad a week before Xmas, it's not the end of the world because SHE'S A BLOODY ADULT and can deal with it?

I'm particularly up to the eyeballs this year with work, the way the school term falls and some health stuff, so maybe I'm being a bit unreasonable. I don't begrudge my niece a gift but am irked that it has to be so fancy and her having it is SO urgent, like she's 5 and her Christmas depends on it.

For info my sibling sent my DS7 a gift, which I'll need to wrap. Its a book.

Buy the adults some socks and be done with it.

My DH's family is similar - only buy for the kids. The kids now range between 35 and 9 years old. I find it so strange that the 35 year old expects a present from my DH but has never ever bought him one, Christmas or birthday.
Thankfully, they do limit things to about a tenner though.

Christ on a bike!
That would piss me right off.
Today is a good day to stop that noise

I would send niece a book token. You don’t have to buy anything off her list.
and next year say that you will buy for anyone still in full time education.
take niece’s present back or treat yourself

Please return it and give her a voucher for the same or less value than the book your school got. If anyone says anything, say well dc only got a book and there's only 1 of them. They are keen for no-one to be left out, so you can also say it's fair that she has the same as the children and the same as your school.
next year I would knock it on the head and say that you are only buying for children and young adults who are dependent still

I'd buy her a token present, chocolate or whatever and be done with it. If she dares complain she's just showing what a grabby person she is.

I'd point out to your sister that with postal strikes and the knock on courier effects, sending a gift now is about the best way to ensure it doesn't come in time for a holiday or for christmas!

You seem to have the right idea going forward ;)

Just seen your update. Wow she is a cf. Don't buy and say in your eyes she is an adult and needs to take part in exchanging gifts as you did at her age. Your family may not accept it but that's cfs for you . You have to do what is right for you

You need a price limit! £37 perfume and your DC gets a book! I’d return it and get a voucher for the price of the book to be put towards one of the expensive items on her list

What a load of bollocks, you shouldn’t have bought the gift. Take it back

Well at least you've established you don't need to feel guilty about leaving her out. What adult sends out a Christmas gift with the cheapest item at £37?! How tone deaf do you need to be!

We stop at 21. Means that nieces & nephews still at uni get something nice. But bloody grown adults don't.

A relative of mine was still sending me presents until well into my 30s. Would never have asked for that but it seemed rude to say anything except thank you.

Thinking for myself, since I have nieces/nephews who are coming up to that sort of age, I think the end of full-time education is a good place to stop, although I might qualify that if some start doing PhDs...

If you must send anything, just stick a £20 in a card for each of them. Dh and I don't get any presents from aunts/uncles, though dh does get £20 every year from his grandparents (who bless them are in their 90s).

Can you argue wire's were crossed and you thought it was just for the children, since they have adult children you figured you'd just get them a nice box of biscuits or something for the family.
Or send a book unwrapped the same as they did

So grabby child gets something for £37 and your child gets a book? That you have to wrap 😂

Also mention to your sister that niece may need some guidance on her list. She doesn't quite comprehend what pricing is and isn't appropriate

Either just buy for the under 18s or give everyone something that costs the same sort of amount, something you can actually afford. Ridiculous that a 27 year old is demanding expensive gifts from relatives, I’m two years older and wouldn’t dream of doing this.

Return all of the gifts and send them a voucher for Amazon.
Job done.

We only buy for nephews and neices until they are 18. After that all gifting stops. If we are visiting then we take something edible to share such as a large tin of chocolates or similar but don't really class that as an Xmas present.

Just be prepared for them to say that it’s ‘unfair’ as yours are under 18
I would say, well as you have bought presents every year til now, then they are doing ok

We stop at 18 but I have one niece who is a single parent and gets no help from the children's father, he is abroad, so I always send her cash. If the others know they don't say anything, if it bothers them shame on them.

if I knew a relative was buying for all nieces and nephews and they were all 'Kids' and I was the only adult, I would be embarrassed they were buying for me and get them to stop.

Not sure if anyone has said this already, but if you'd prefer to buy gifts for other over-18s, then instead you could set a price limit next year. I know it's hard talking about money but just say next year, I can afford X amount, and/or just ask if there's nothing within budget. People can be pretty oblivious when it comes to others' finances, regardless of whether they're family.

Return the gift!!
Send her a £10/£20 gift card, her parents got your DC a book.
I would say next year your stopping buying at 21, then you can still get your nieces/ nephews at uni something.