AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

In the kindest possible way you're being difficult. You seem to want everything your way, and if your household needs money then you don't have that luxury.

You've done a degree that doesn't lead to a career, so you've essentially chosen to limit your options.

I'm also the parent of a primary school child, except I'm a lone parent, and tbh your "I can't for the life of me figure out how they do it" made me roll my eyes. It's disingenuous at best - you know how we do it - we do it by compromising, sacrificing, and MAKING it work. All things you don't seem to want to do.

I don't have any family support with school runs etc at all. No local family (mum died, dad has dementia, db lives 40 mins away, and exh works those hours). I still manage to hold down a demanding, stressful, fulltime job.

DD goes to breakfast club in the morning, and a childminder after school - five days a week is £10 for breakfast club, childminder is £67.50. I use a government childcare account, so the actual cost to me is 20% less, my total wraparound childcare cost is £64 a week in termtime. No matter how low your skillset, that only equates to 6.7 hours of minimum wage work. I work 37.5 hours a week (not including unpaid lunch) - if you did the same you'd have over 30 hours pay left AFTER childcare costs. Even minimum wage jobs pay £356 a week before tax and NI, so saying you can't afford wraparound childcare is absolute tosh. You'd still be hundreds up on now.

From that you save enough to cover the holiday club/childminder costs for any holidays not covered by your annual leave, DHs annual leave, bank holidays etc. If you get a termtime job you won't even need that.

You're making excuses, and they aren't even good ones. Stop it and get a job.

I work in a customer service job from answering calls. I work 9-5. But there is also a night shift team I could join, if I wanted to work night shifts. You could do a job like this and work night shifts from your house

*from home answering calls

This is quite a random degree choice. What are you planning to use it for? Have you any paid writing experience?

Could you find a childminder who does school pick ups and work regular full time hours?

Which are are you in? Grad schemes aren’t usually advertised in the same place as minimum wage type jobs, you need to research the schemes and apply directly. Civil service is good, or try large private sector companies.

This.

I'm I'm a similar situation. We have 2 children and I'm responsible for school drop offs and pick ups's because my husband drives for a living so isn't nearby to help.

School has a breakfast club but no after school provision.

I drop off at school. Work from 9.30-2 and then pick up from school at 3.

I buy an additional weeks annual leave to help cover school holidays, and hubby uses his annual leave to help with school holidays too. We do have to use the odd holiday club to make up the balance (Maybe about a weeks worth a year)

A term time job is great for school holidays but you still need after school care because you don't finish until 3.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The vast majority share drop offs/pick ups with their partner and use before and after school clubs.

So you’ve got another year of funding for your degree? So this isn’t a now problem? Time to build some skills that are in demand. Digital skills.

If you need the money then you just need to stop finding reasons not to.
Either go self employed (cleaner or something you are skilled at) , or work nights or evenings, or get a day job.
Holidays you and DH can cover by alternating weeks.
I have a child with autism and two with lots of medical needs. Not working wasn't an option especially as a single parent. I didn't sleep much for a long time but am glad I found a way

Cruel to be kind but honestly if you need to bring £1.5k extra to be comfortable you’re going to need to compromise. Your not going to make anywhere near £800+ working 9:30-2 term time.

My DS is neuro diverse, but I need to work to make ends meet. He’s not keen on me not being around but he did get used to it over time. We need a roof over our head and my DH cannot be expected to take all the financial burden.

Customer facing roles ie: supermarkets might be your best option, a few shifts in the week school time and a couple of evenings when your husbands home.

I know it’s not ideal, but most households need both parents to work, especially now.

Good luck

Well, being as you ask, yes, it does seem as if you are being difficult.

I was talking to a Nursery Manager recently. They are SO desperate for staff, they are prepared to take on unqualified people and let them arrive after they have taken the children to school and leave in time to pick them up. They don't need those staff in school holidays as most of the children attend term time only. Yes, I think it is shocking that society values Early Years practitioners so poorly that they can't recruit staff, but in my City you could walk in to Nursery after Nursery and pick up work.
However, dozens of people on this thread have suggested all sorts of things and you have not been willing to consider any of the helpful suggestions.

What hours does your partner work that he would not be able to drop your dc at breakfast club ? Or not be able to give him his evening meal and put him to bed ?

Can your DH change his hours? Come in early then do school pick up? He could be there for DS in the evenings or you split his hours and he there a little in the afternoon so you could look at the job you said finished at 3:30.

You can work part time and flexibly in an admin support role. Lots of companies now offer hybrid working as standard - so partly from home, partly in the office. You could work 4.5 hours 9.30-2 X 5 days a week, at 22.5 hours which is the equivalent of 3 full days a week. Keep searching.

Alternatively , shifts in the hospitality industry could fit your availability.

husband is being unreasonable.

What is your degree in? Can you create self employed work from that?

Otherwise I recommend public sector for flexible hours and family friendly policies

OP how much of your degree is left?
I'd have loved to do a creative writing MA but it just seemed like chucking money out of the window. Maybe if I won the lottery.

How much time is it taking? How much of it is left? Is it the type where you can stop early with a PG Cert etc?

there is loads of admin work, quite reasonably paid, very flexible compared to how things were. I'm sorry but it does sound like you are being difficult.

I chose it because it's the only thing I'm good at and the only thing I enjoy. In hindsight, it was probably a mistake. I didn't plan to use it for anything. Perhaps just to help me develop my writing skills. Now I only have one year to go I've started to think seriously about what I'm supposed to do at the end of it and had an 'oh fuck' moment. Also, with cost of living crisis and remortgaging next year, we also need a new roof, just can't make ends meet anymore on my maintenance loan.

Where I live there's a huge demand for evening and night time carers. It may be suitable for you until your DC is at school fulltime.

I don't want to be mean but that's probably a bit unreasonable. That's what I took home as a full-time teacher with a total of three degrees (one undergrad and two postgrad). The pay being awful for the workload is a major reason I left (and immediately more than doubled my salary) but to think you should be able to take home £1500pcm, without a degree, with flexible, below-school hours and term-time only is just beyond unrealistic. You're looking for almost double minimum wage for no experience (that you've mentioned), no qualifications, very flexible short hours... I'm sorry, but yes, you're being difficult.

As a student, you should be entitled to childcare support so why aren't you using that to cover childcare? www.gov.uk/childcare-grant

X post OP

is it a BA? If it's expensive, I'd seriously consider just dropping it.

I'm halfway through second year. Full time. Then one year to go. Should finish May 2024. It's a BA but I had hoped to do an MA afterwards but finances won't allow! Not sure finances will even allow me to finish the BA at this rate.

Cross posted again!

1500 a month to be nice and comfortable. 800+ would replace my student maintenance loan.

You are not going to find a school hours term time job that pays that much without any experience.

I'd suggest looking for a childminder as more likely to be able to support your DS. That then frees you up to look for full time jobs.

(If you want to write for a living, why not pursue this avenue now as a sideline and see where it goes? You can't become a writer without writing ...)

Your student maintenance loan has to be paid back though?