AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

The perfect role won’t appear, I’d start with cleaning which you know you can do and keep looking. If money is very tight then you just need something coming in. How much do you need to be bringing in at the moment?

Why is it all on you? Why can't your DH do drop offs? Why can't he do bedtime? Why can't he take holiday in the school holidays?

Could you work in childcare and your DS could be there too for a discounted rate?
As for the school holidays you either take them off as annual leave or put him in a summer club. Plenty of parents do this.

OK booboo 😘

One of your excuses is its not a stable monthly wage? It could be- you haven't even tried! So you'd rather have no income, than a variable one?

Yes you are being difficult!

Your only option is to work evenings when your husband's home. That's what I do. Yes the bair. Might not like it but you have to be realistic. 12 hours a week cleaning somewhere will bump your household income up.

Also apply for DLA if you haven't and then carers allowance.

Bank healthcare shifts at your local hospital would be perfect. Nights in the week and shifts on the weekend always available. Sunday rates are really good too.

Ooo you could offer to do deep cleans of people’s houses before the holidays so it’s nice for family coming to stay.
That would be helpful!

1500 a month to be nice and comfortable. 800+ would replace my student maintenance loan.

OMG. You're a cleaner. People round us are desperate for good, reliable cleaners. We pay ours £16ph. More than you'd earn doing bar work and you can arrange your hours to suit. It's ideal work for you.

What is your degree in and what was your career idea when starting it? I don’t know why you think your earning potential is low when you have a degree, you could get on to a decent grad scheme if it’s a good degree. There wasn’t much point in you doing a degree and wracking up lots of debt of you’re not going to use it.

Apply for grad jobs, work full time and you’ll have enough money to pay for childcare.

I think your DH needs to step up and realise that if you both need to work then the childcare costs and school runs are equally both his and your responsibility.
Basically your employment and earnings potential are being limited by you being a parent whilst his arent.
You could look at admin roles, retail, work in a museum / national trust type place, work in a school or nursery, cafes etc.
Just keep.your eyes peeled and keep looking.
Also consider retraining.
But tell DH he needs to step up when you return to work.
The other thing I would say is go to your GP and ask to be referred for an autism ( and possibly as they are often linked ADHD) assessment .
You may find it helpful to find out if you are autistic to give you more understanding of yourself and then you could get more support in the workplace.
You should also look Into any benefits you may be entitled to such as pip for yourself for anxiety/ possible ASC and DLA for your DS if he requires more support than than the average child of his age and if he qualifies for DLA possibly carers allowance for you. There maybe some local charities that could support you with making a claim.

I worked for a school catering company when mine were younger. I worked 10-2 and had every school holiday off. Maybe something like that would work for you?

Thank you. I think you're probably right about evenings. I wanted to avoid that but I think it's looking like the most realistic option.

What are you studying?

My best mate does Part time over the weekend and at nights in a supermarket, her husband has the kids whilst she's at work.

OP a grad scheme job starting at £25k will get you more than that.

Also district councils are a good place to work for flexibility/ WFH and often need people with customer service skills so would be worth keeping a look out in their website for vacancies

I took on PT cleaning roles in the evening when DS was a baby for a few years. Commercial rather than domestic but I suppose cleaning is cleaning. I could try this for sure. My immediate area is quite deprived but I think there are some more MC areas a bit further out. So it might work.

I know someone who works school hours, term time only in an admin job for Children’s Services and it’s 99% WFH. Job adverts often say “requests for flexible working will be considered”

I worked as a night transport clerk..most companies either have a 12 hour shift..7pm to 7am or DHL were the best hours 9pm to 7pm...Good money.

Net pay of £1500 a month requires an annual salary of £23k ish.
You're unlikely to make that part time, term time only if you're looking at entry level roles.

To make £800 a month take home you'll need an annual salary of around £10,500.

It's a creative writing degree. Second year currently. I love writing. Dream is to write for a living but you don't need a degree to do that. It's obviously very hard to make a living from writing. I'd still like to pursue this in my free time but I need something else that's stable and reliable too. I don't see much in my area come up in the way of grad schemes tbh. I think I'm in a terrible area for jobs. Everything is caring, retail, cleaning and admin.

I work 2 split nightshifts a week, which is 23 h. I'm only contracted to 1 shift so I can do the other one whenever I want. One of my friends works at a breakfast club so she's all done fairly early, another is a dinner lady and she's term time. One of my friends just got a job as a TA she's contracted to 15h a week but will be working 9-2.30 everyday (term time) at the school where her kids are. If a job needs you then they are often happy to be a bit flexible with the hours.

However, your DH needs to step up a bit. No ones saying shorten his hours because he has a higher earning potential but does he have a day off every 3 weeks when he works a Sat? Or does he have any flexibility to make his hours a little later and work later to do drop off to help you?

Thanks, that's helpful to know!