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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

368 replies

anerki101 · 11/12/2022 21:02

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 11/12/2022 22:09

Contact local secondary schools - exam invigilating might be an option? But also look at your local authority jobs website - I live in Wiltshire and there is a Wiltshire Parent Carers Council which has several times advertised some great jobs with hours like 10-2 term time etc. I think other council bodies do similar, and have lots of term time jobs - you might find something on there?

Original poster
anerki101 · 11/12/2022 22:09

racingcar · 11/12/2022 22:06

Do you mind me asking why you don't qualify because, based on the information you've already given on this thread, the only element that could mean you're not eligible is if you're not a permanent resident? Is that the case because, if so, that might impact the suggestions people are giving you with respect to employment.

From what you've said, you meet all the other criteria:

  • you’re a full-time student
  • your child must be under 15, or under 17 if they have special educational needs
  • you get undergraduate student finance based on your household income, or are eligible to
  • you’re not getting a Postgraduate Loan
  • you’re a permanent resident in England
  • the children in your grant application are financially dependent on you
  • your childcare provider is on the Ofsted Early Years Register or General Childcare Register - check with your provider
  • if your child is cared for at home, the carer cannot be a relative and must be registered with an appropriate body - check with Student Finance England
  • neither you or your partner are claiming Tax-Free Childcare, the childcare element of working Tax Credit or Universal Credit
  • neither you or your partner receive help with childcare costs from the National Health Service (NHS)

You've said you're a full time student, with a child under 15, doing an undergraduate degree, claiming a student loan, not using any childcare. Maybe you were told you aren't eligible by mistake?

Show quote history

I don't know. You're making me question it now. I'll look into it tomorrow but last year and this year I had emails from SFE informing me I wasn't eligible for the childcare grant. I am permanent resident. Could DHs income be the cause? That's the only thing I can think of. Or because I don't need childcare to attend uni because DS is at school?

OP posts:
Destiny123 · 11/12/2022 22:11

anerki101 · 11/12/2022 21:36

Look, I get it. I'm obviously making excuses and being difficult. I'm just so concerned about DS. I'm 99% sure he has autism. He really struggles with so much. I really think Holidays clubs would be detrimental for him. I'm just trying to do my best. But yes, the additional needs he has puts a spanner in the works.

As am autistic dr that's spent years volunteering at autistic summer schools, it would do them a world of good

Herejustforthisone · 11/12/2022 22:11

anerki101 · 11/12/2022 22:06

Most of the assignments are creative based, producing our own creative pieces both fiction and nonfiction, yes.

Show quote history

No, I mean is the course focusing on supporting you through to completion of a single pieces of creative fiction? Such as a novel? Are you regular submitting that piece of work to be reviewed and marked? Are your tutors published writers themselves? I don’t mean doing non-cohesive creative writing essays as homework, I’m wondering if you’re being given feedback and guidance on a single draft of work which you should have at a state of completion at the end of the degree? I really hope so, otherwise these creative writing degrees have absolutely no real purpose, other than taking money from people.

I work in the industry.

EmmaAgain22 · 11/12/2022 22:11

WorkCleanRepeat · 11/12/2022 22:08

If you can write copy I see no reason why you can't earn what you want/need to in marketing on 9.30-2.

Term time and school hours would be a bit of a tall ask though.

One of my relatives is a copywriter, no degree.

i'd say the good rates need experience. Sadly sites like fiverr have really devalued these jobs. She's 50 so decades of experience and works only with C suite clients. But someone starting fresh as a copywriter would need a good marketing/comms/business background to get a good wage surely?

Herejustforthisone · 11/12/2022 22:12

Herejustforthisone · 11/12/2022 22:11

No, I mean is the course focusing on supporting you through to completion of a single pieces of creative fiction? Such as a novel? Are you regular submitting that piece of work to be reviewed and marked? Are your tutors published writers themselves? I don’t mean doing non-cohesive creative writing essays as homework, I’m wondering if you’re being given feedback and guidance on a single draft of work which you should have at a state of completion at the end of the degree? I really hope so, otherwise these creative writing degrees have absolutely no real purpose, other than taking money from people.

I work in the industry.

Show quote history

Yikes, that was full of typos.

randommusings8 · 11/12/2022 22:13

thelobsterquadrille · 11/12/2022 22:00

Picking a creative writing degree over getting a job when your husbands' income barely covers the bills was foolish at best.

You can't afford to be picky. Get a job warning evenings and/or weekends in a supermarket and your DH can look after DS.

Loads of supermarkets do a 6-11 shift, and then you can do a full day at a weekend to supplement if you need it.

Agree !!

TravellingSpoon · 11/12/2022 22:13

When my DC;s were babies I worked nights in a nursing home, most of my collegues were in the same boat. Would get home, take DC's to school, sleep for about 5/6 hours and then pick DC up. School holidays were covered by annual leave from me and my Ex-H, just!

Could you do something similar if needs must?

CloudBusted · 11/12/2022 22:13

Taking in ironing
proof reading
leaflet dropping
admin (can be flexible and WFH)
transcribing for students with dyslexia

most of these would be variable but you could do a couple. Lots you pick when you work.

good luck.

Whattodo182 · 11/12/2022 22:14

Only fans

NoelNoNoel · 11/12/2022 22:16

My friend works for Deliveroo in the evenings and makes pretty good money. She’s a teaching assistant during the day.

Flev · 11/12/2022 22:16

@anerki101 @racingcar
We're in a similar situation although DD is still under school age - my husband is a student and I'm working full time. The income cut-off for a student childcare grant is incredibly low, so we don't qualify (and you'll probably find you don't either, sorry). We also can't get 30hrs funded childcare or tax free childcare because he's a student and not working, so we get hammered both ways for the cost of DD's preschool.

JaceLancs · 11/12/2022 22:17

Look for work in voluntary sector
I employ mainly part time or sessional staff and am quite flexible
I was a lone parent for many years and appreciate how difficult it is

AnotherBrightSunrise · 11/12/2022 22:18

I get it - I’m in a similar situation. For a couple of years I did proofreading during school hours, which might be a good option for you with your writing skills, but I was becoming too isolated so managed to get a job as a TA. It’s fairly low paid, but very rewarding and my hours are perfect. I work 9-2.30, so I can do both drop off and pick up, and have all school holidays too which are vital for us. Good luck, I know it’s difficult!

SHNBV · 11/12/2022 22:21

I’m autistic and was labelled ‘anxious’. I actually suffered from emotional dysregulation due to having undiagnosed ADHD. Taking stimulants has helped me to overcome this so it might be something to consider.

De Montfort University we’re just advertising for Autism Mentors. This was remote work at £18ph and you chose your own hours. You needed a degree and to have complete a two day related course course, so might something for the future.

Our daughter is neurodiverse. My husbands the higher earner but since having our LO he’s ensured every post he has taken enables him to work from home a few days per week and so he can support my career by facilitating me being able to attend meetings outside of school hours. You’re a team so your husband may need to adapt his working preferences to support his family too.

FermisLeftFoot · 11/12/2022 22:22

If you’re good at writing and completing a creative writing degree you could try freelancing as a copywriter or similar. Flexible hours and you can do it from home.

Happyhappyday · 11/12/2022 22:24

OP, with respect you don’t have the luxury of doing a degree in something utterly useless because you want to. VERY few people make a living in creative writing. If you are struggling to pay bills, you need to drop the degree and figure out how to work more. Get a child minder a few hours a day.

RossPoldarksWife · 11/12/2022 22:25

Care industry is crying out for staff. I work 8am to 2pm five days a week. My income is around £900 a month. You could fit that in the time slots you put. Yes it’s childcare in the morning but it’s doable.

maddiemookins16mum · 11/12/2022 22:26

Happyhappyday · 11/12/2022 22:24

OP, with respect you don’t have the luxury of doing a degree in something utterly useless because you want to. VERY few people make a living in creative writing. If you are struggling to pay bills, you need to drop the degree and figure out how to work more. Get a child minder a few hours a day.

This 100%.

PropertyGeek525 · 11/12/2022 22:26

Op, have you looked into claiming DLA for your child? It’s not means tested. It might help to top you up and take the pressure off.

Barleysugar86 · 11/12/2022 22:27

My mum worked at various times as a school lunch assistant, childminder, and carer when we were in school. I know someone who works as a lollipop lady (may not be called that anymore!). I agree dog walking would work great as people tend to want walks between 11am and 2pm.

NoelNoNoel · 11/12/2022 22:27

To be fair my DS did a degree in something ‘utterly useless’ to quote a PP, then he did some online training and now works in digital marketing. He takes home £1650 per month and is 24. I don’t think the degree is the issue it’s the reluctance to source a local childminder.

Original poster
anerki101 · 11/12/2022 22:29

Herejustforthisone · 11/12/2022 22:11

No, I mean is the course focusing on supporting you through to completion of a single pieces of creative fiction? Such as a novel? Are you regular submitting that piece of work to be reviewed and marked? Are your tutors published writers themselves? I don’t mean doing non-cohesive creative writing essays as homework, I’m wondering if you’re being given feedback and guidance on a single draft of work which you should have at a state of completion at the end of the degree? I really hope so, otherwise these creative writing degrees have absolutely no real purpose, other than taking money from people.

I work in the industry.

Show quote history

Hah. No. We have creative and critical pieces we have to write that we submit for our assignments but as of yet no, we aren't being supported in completing a single piece of creative fiction. This semester we have three modules that all require us to submit a 4000 word portfolio containing a range of creative and critical pieces. I don't feel particularly supported in all honesty. I don't know if perhaps in our final year next year we are supported in working on a single longer project but certainly not this year. Or perhaps the single piece is more MA rather than BA. I'm working on my own piece in my own time. They are published writers. But small scale and largely unknown I suppose.

OP posts:
Unicorn717 · 11/12/2022 22:29

There are jobs out there that will take you on during school hours. It might not be something you really want to do. But if you need the money you will do it. Most mums I know at the school manage to do drop off and pick up and still go to work. Same with evenings, there's nothing stopping you from going to work once your partner is home to have the child. You can't always pick and choose if your desperate.

Bibbitybobb · 11/12/2022 22:30

It's been a while since I worked in a pub but I definitely negotiated different hours for term and holiday time so it may be possible if you find a manager who is open to it. I think hospitality are desperate for people now (what I've heard from a couple of friends who run pubs!) plus you usually get tips on top of your wages.