AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

With only one child what you will earn working full time will easily cover school wraparound care with a childminder. You just won't take home as much after paying childcare as you want but you will still be much better off.

Min wage is about £10 per hour, thats £350 a week and you won't pay much tax on that. Wraparound care will only be about £30 a day so you're off with your maths if you think you can't afford childcare.

Sucks to have no support. If your DH left you, would your DM pay your bills and Iving costs? Unlikely.

You know you need the extra income, you know nights would fit around your DC. It doesn't have to be permanent or even long term.

Good luck

Why don't they think it's a good idea?

Probably because working at night is so difficult and will be hard on the family.

I don’t see why OP couldn’t get a job in a care hone during those hours you are available during the day. Covers a very busy time in a place like that.

@anerki101 your DH can't say that he needs you to get back out to work to help with household financial responsibilities, and then tell you that a job you have an interview for isn't going to work.

Go to the interview, smash it and try it out. If it doesn't work, then at least you have tried. If it does work, then you've proved both DH and DM wrong and you've found a solution.

I wish you all the best for your interview today. Please let us know how you get on.

I GOT THE JOB!!

Doing Tues, Wed, Thurs night one week and then following week Tues, Wed and Sun night. So 36 hours a week. Starting first week of January. DH still unsupportive. Thinks I won't be able to handle it and he'll be left to pick up the pieces. But I'm doing it and I'm excited.

Well done OP. You'll get an enhancement for nights too!

Well done OP! I hope it works out and you prove them wrong. I know plenty of families where someone works nights.

That is so infantilising!

Well done OP - and that is the advantage of care work (whatever the shifts). You can work full time in 3 days and still have 4 days off a week.

Just wanted to drop a line and say you are the other me! I am in uni. Can't work cus I'm pregnant... but my DS is autistic and I'm waiting to be assessed.

Work-wise you can actually work a part time job and it won't affect your student finance. I'm not doing this now, but did in my first year at uni and some of my second (in third now). I found a PA job, caring for someone that received direct payments. They select their own employee and hours, so it could perfectly fit in with school hours and around uni, it was only 11.5 hours a week but it did help :) if you could find childcare, student finance will also pay a childcare element where they cover 75% of costs. I found that useful too.

Best wishes xx

Congratulations OP,
That's amazing and a real confidence boost.
Doing nights can be hard and muck up your sleep pattern but when you have DC it's sometimes hard to work around childcare commitments so fingers crossed it all works out for you ! And as pp said it doesn't have to be forever.

I'm sorry DH isn't being supportive, I thought he wanted you to work?? No pleasing some people! Maybe he realises he will have to step up and take on more parenting , anyways Congratulations and very best of luck with it.

It’s worth a try even if you only a few months until you find something else/better hours. Or you can often switch to bank work in care homes and then you pick and choose what you once to do. I expect you’ll also receive a lot of training which is always a good thing.
Congratulations.

Talk to your university careers service and explain your challenges - be real! (I work for a careers service at a uni - we do really care! ) yours might have ideas for flexible work you can do now, but will also help you to work out what you want to do after graduation and what will help you get there

Congratulations!

Your DH simply does not want to step up.

‘Picking up the pieces’ or ‘doing his fair share’ ffs

Smash it OP- it’ll all be great material for your creative work!

My friend with disabled child gardens for a living. She sets her hours and can be available for appointments. Self-employment is best way while kids young.

Well done OP! Just go to work and leave him to it.