AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

This is helpful, thanks.

How would I work this with school holidays when ds is home all day?

You stay up and then sleep when your dh gets home from work for a few hours.
It is doable, I did this for years when my children were small.
Hard but doable if necessary

We use a childminder, she does the school pickups and the school holidays. Is that possible in your area?

Have you thought about looking at job in the civil service? I have a DC with additional needs which means wrap around care is difficult, I need time off for hospital appointments for DC have had to leave when there has been medical emergencies etc and they have been really supportive.

Theres lots of flexibility including term time
only, working from home etc, if you have admin and customer service skills there is probably a role that would fit your skill set.

Seems like you already have a full time job making excuses.

You’re being defeatist here. Pub work is often extremely flexible.
Have you registered with any temp agencies?

Fair enough. I did ask in my OP whether perhaps I'm just being difficult.

Also consider temping such as NHS Bank Staff at your local trust. Or temping agency such as Reed Recruitment. You can name your days and hours and just not accept assignments during summer holidays.

I thought this too. People have given some sensible suggestions but the OP seems to dismiss them. Three or four evenings working in a supermarket or pub would be ideal. Even if it is a late night you'd have time to rest after school drop off.

This is a good shout. I'll have a look, thank you.

Its really tough, especially when you have a child with additional needs. I think in most couples when someone graduates from university there would be a big push to get them established in a good career? And an understanding that that person would no longer pick up all the childcare? Are you in agreement to sacrifice your long term earning potential and pension for the present convenience of the family? Is it a good long term strategy? The honest truth is it probably would benefit your child for you and /or your partner to be present as much as possible outside school hours, however that's the trap so many women find themselves in after having children. Its ok if you are ok with it, but otherwise DH might need to flex.
Set up a new job search for remote working roles anywhere in the UK or a wider area. There might be childminders who will pick up for after school care if you can't get exactly the hours you want. Often, if you get established in a public sector job you can seek changes to your hours later on - just make sure it works for the business too. Don't undervalue yourself.

Nights 10pm-6am 2/3 a week

You either do back to back shifts or you have to pay out for some childcare. Even if you earn very little if you did have to pay out for some childcare it’s something. I can remember the equivalent of half my pay going on childcare fees at one point. But it was still extra a week in to the household pot.

You come in in the morning and sleep til your children wake up in the holidays.

when I worked over the 24hours I was contracted to do, it was held as leiu time and the company let me take my annual leave and leiu time in school holidays - except Christmas holidays

your degree must be developing some skills ? Also, your uni should have a careers service which should help you find work.

You asked if you are being difficult. Yes, you are. Lots of good suggestions here but you keep putting barriers in the way.

@anerki101 you would use local holiday clubs.
I'm not saying it's easy.
I did it for many years and saved a fortune on child care

What about Mcdonalds? Hours are flexible, pay is above NMW and you could work around your DS schooling & your DHs work.

Could your son move schools, to one where there is an asc?
Could u employ a childminder?
Does your university give any sort of bursary or hardship money to students with children, to cover childcare?
Could you get a job around your dh hours, so you are doing opposing shifts?
Could you train as a childminder?
Could you leave university and get a job that pays enough to covers childcare? Maybe do the degree part time/ open university?
Is there any freelance work you could do where you get to set your own hours? Emgm book keeping, will writing, copywriting, admin etc?
A flexible WFH job? Maybe something in the private sector?
Move closer to family so they can help out?

It's never easy to have 2 full time working parents in a household, especially when sn are involved but you can usually work something out, with a bit of compromise.

DS works in a supermarket. He has quite a few colleagues who work 6-10pm or 6-12 midnight. Either of these would work for you and you'll still get time with DS after school. Or you could work 6-10am and get DH to take DS to breakfast club.

Or you need to look for a childminder who will take DS after school (and also holidays) and apply for a more office hours job.

You are being difficult, you clearly don't want to work so will use all excuses you can think of

Good domestic cleaners are like gold
dust. You could take some time off
in the holidays (Eater, christmas,
autumn) and calculate the cost of childcare our your annual budget for the summer (save up tax free childcare for holiday clubs).
your DH could also take annual
leave to cover holidays if he isn’t willing to cover pick up or Drop off.

Some admin offices used to have a twilight shift that might help. Get out to temp agencies and speak to them to see what’s out there.

weekend work in retail/hospitality- places are absolutely desperate for staff so you would be in a good position to choose/influence the hours you want.

I have a similar situation.. husband is military though and works the most random hours and we have no family etc etc
I managed to find a job in a school just 10 hours a week and then I work at a supermarket on the weekend. Keep trying all the schools websites in your area, and even if the hours on some adverts don't seem suitable they may be flexible, a lot of schools have a family friendly policy and will try to accommodate

Look, I get it. I'm obviously making excuses and being difficult. I'm just so concerned about DS. I'm 99% sure he has autism. He really struggles with so much. I really think Holidays clubs would be detrimental for him. I'm just trying to do my best. But yes, the additional needs he has puts a spanner in the works.