AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

You said TA so guessing you like kids, therefore How about child minding?

If DS would not cope with other kids in his home then could you look after a pre-schooler during school hours?

Dog walking?

What are your skills/ is your degree in?

"There is a middle ground between 'life being a punishment' and 'I need a job in a field I want with the exact hours that suit me oh and with the exact pay I want.'"

Why on earth shouldn't someone want a job with the exact hours that suit at the pay they want?

"It's a tad intellectually challenged to assume everyone who can see that must be a Tory voter!"

It was the labelling of someone's reasonable request for decent pay and conditions as "entitled" that made me think 'tory'...

I haven't changed my mind.

Please post in the special needs parents forum on mumsnet
They will be able to give you advice and support
Wishing you well
Things will get better
Well done for doing your degree and trying to do the best for your child

One of many jobs was working with parents and children with disabilities
It was one of the most rewarding and humbling jobs I have ever had
To know a little of the challenges the parents face 24 hours a day was an eye opener

I absolutely agree that life isn't meant to be a punishment. But it also doesn't get handed to you on a plate, you have to look for work and there is lots around atm, which is great.

I'm all for decent pay and conditions.
That's not what the OP is asking for.
Unless of course 'decent conditions' means exact job, exact hours and exact wages to suit. If any poster would care to explain how that works in the real world, great!

I get it OP. My oldest was suspected around 3 and diagnosed at 5 and alsi had his baby brother in nursery a few days a week. I applied for a job in retail at a store I liked in an area with decent public transport from his school. I walked in and enquired and they were looking for someone part time for a few days a week during school hours. I started off with 12 hours a week 10-2 and then took on an extra day on the weekends. The team I was on were mainly uni students, sahp, or those whose kids were in uni.

I would drop both kids off at nursery and school (they’re across the street from each other), head to the bus stop, take the bus over and sit in a cafe or library until it was time for my shift. Finish my shift, get off the bus stop and walk over leisurely to pick up.

Definitely try and give retail a looking into.

Why on earth shouldn't someone want a job with the exact hours that suit at the pay they want?

It was the labelling of someone's reasonable request for decent pay and conditions as "entitled" that made me think 'tory'...

These are two different issues.....I don't think anyone is calling people requesting decent pay and conditions entitled. However, entry level jobs don't typically allow you to dictate the pay and conditions. Generally people who are in a position to do this have already proved to an employer that they are an asset and have renegotiated hours once they have a family.

@yadaya yes - thank goodness some posters can read what others actually write!

Why on earth shouldn't someone want a job with the exact hours that suit at the pay they want?

Well we can all want whatever, but finding anyone who is willing to employ us on those terms is clearly completely different.
I mean I want to earn £500K per year but only for working 2 days a week with 8 weeks holiday a year +BHs, and I have a list of T&Cs I want included too.
Nothing wrong with me wanting that, but, if I have bills to pay, there would be a lot wrong with me saying I can only work if I get those T&Cs, those hours and that salary.

I am a huge advocate for flexible working and ensuring we can enable women to work if they choose/need to after having a family but that has never meant dictating the terms and conditions from the outset.

I've mentioned this a couple of times but the OP really needs to access to university careers service. They will have links to employers looking to employ students part time and some of these vacancies might be in the uni itself. I employ two students in my department to do basic admin, look after social media accounts etc and it's quite well paid.

Hi Op I have a son with autism so I totally get your worries, I share them too with my own family. Would you be able to tutor as you have a degree? I do this, I work mainly from home now (face to face or zoom), term time only (my son can't cope either in holiday clubs), and I slot the hours around him. The pay is very good so you may need fewer hours of work. I find advertising to a mix of children, adults and the home-school community means i get work during school hours, and around my son being at home. It might also be worth seeing if you are eligible for any missed benefits that might help with childcare costs - carers allowance, or universal credit (I can claim back 85% of childcare costs on UC when I need childcare to work). I totally hear how hard it is, and I understand how the slightest change to family dynamics can have a huge impact on our children and their coping abilities. It's really hard. Wishing you all the best 💐

@Peanutlicious the OP doesn't have a degree yet.

Also it's a bit misleading to imply that just having a degree means you can tutor successfully. You need more than just subject knowledge: you need up to date knowledge of exam specifications, or if you're specialising in an area like dyslexia you'd need post grad teaching qualifications for tuition to be meaningful.

It's great that you've found something that works for you but I honestly can't imagine many parents forking out an hourly tutor rate just because someone has a degree in creative writing. IME, tutors are often qualified teachers who have maybe retired or gone part time and kept absolutely up to date with the curriculums, GCSE and A Level specs and who can grade work accurately and give specific guidance on how to improve grades.

You asked, so I'll answer - I think you are being difficult. There have been so many sensible suggestions on this thread that you've pushed back on. Fair enough, but why post if you're not serious?

I'd probably take you more seriously if you hadn't previously posted about how hard you find it to get up in the morning to do the school run, how you needed your husband to get you out of bed, that you had this same issue pre-kids and that it was torture to have to do it twice a day. Genuinely question how you think you'd motivate yourself to work as well.

Maybe you should just reflect on your priviliged position of being able to be a SAHP who can pursue their passion at degree level. Not many parents are so fortunate.

I have 2 kids, one with additional needs. After the birth of my first I left my old career and I got a job as school admin in a private school. It means I have the holidays off and have had to only to fork out for after school club (which still leaves money in the pot as the pay really isn't too bad). If you can work in a school near your child's school then you are really set.
But you do sound like you just don't want to work and nothing any of us say will persuade you to lift yourself up and start applying for jobs.

Have you thought about applying for a job as a writer on a county magazine such as Dorset Life?

They write features as opposed to hard news.

They often have quite big circulations and would welcome someone with a creative writing degree.

They also work from home.

They’d also be looking for someone with a good track record of publishing work of the type they publish, and a proven ability to meet deadlines and so on.

I'm a single mum to three DC one with current assesment for additional needs, so I hear you on the difficulties, however, it's tough luck, I have to work so I do, I work in a school, the advertised hours are til 3.30 but I just asked for some flexibility and changed my finishing hours so that I could collect my kids from school and they were understanding- possibly the best place that would be understanding is a school. I won't deny it IS hard to find a job that fits around childcare but you have to be a bit flexible which I'm sorry to say it doesn't seem you are. You seem to want a perfect job to fall in your lap and that isn't going to happen, my DS hates change but unfortunately he's had to deal with some change since his dad left because I NEED to work, you can't use his potential needs as an excuse

No, they would welcome somebody with a track record in journalism, or publishing, or commercial content creation, and a decent portfolio of work with which to back that up.

Only on MN do you see these amazing magical thinking jobs appear out of the ether...

People have to start somewhere and the OP might impress them at interview.
Also, she does say she is published so hardly 'magical thinking'.
I imagine a post on a county magazine isn't too difficult to secure-it's not as if she is going to The New York Times!

Work from home jobs, admin etc that are flexible. Log on at 8, drop son off and then continuing working, pick son up at 3 and then continue working till 5? My job would allow that

Thanks for this suggestion. It's a job that offers flexibility that I had not considered.

Has anyone managed to get the thread through the tiny eye of the needle on this one? Or, whenever anyone made a suggestion, did the OP suddenly find a new roadblock? These threads have always been thus.

Here's a suggestion - Post those stupid sweet boxes on FB marketplace. You can make a hundred quid a day surely, just for 10 mins a day of boxing up.

Self employment (even with a set round of weekly cleaning jobs) is only stable income if you show up reliably.

Reading between the lines, I suspect the OP would be someone who calls in on a regular basis with yet another home emergency..........