AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

This is the really good point.

Youre looking after his children - both your shared child and his children, your stepchildren - and he’s refusing to adapt at all to let you return to work and have economic agency. Of course you won’t increase your earning potential if you get no more experience. He needs to adapt rather than seeing you as childcare.

good luck.

You really need to look at reducing your family spending if you can't afford wrap around childcare but financially need to work.

I understand your DS may have additional needs, but also you need to be able to feed and clothe him. And only being available 9.30 til 2.30 term time isn't flexible enough for most jobs available.

Also I have a ‘useless’ degree - English. It’s a degree and gained me access to graduate programmes and jobs that require a degree. Doing it also shows that I have organisational skills, critical thinking, can multitask and juggle different and diverse tasks. It isn’t useless.

what would be useless would be to do badly at this degree, however. You need to get a decent class degree so you can show these things. Make sure you bear that in mind with your other plans.

(Maybe try part time?)

Good advice. Every other shop, pub, cafe, restaurant I walk past has “We’re hiring” signs up on their windows. I’ve seen plenty in offices too. Every employer seems to be fretting because they can’t get staff.

Why not write a short leaflet stating the hours you could do and drop it off to all local businesses?

When did some people get so entitled that they expect a job to fall into their lap which fits in with the precise hours they want to work, but will bring in the precise amount they need to make up the shortfall in their household budget?

I totally agree!

I was just pointing out that non stem/business/finance degrees aren't useless! I work in higher education and with careers / graduate employers so it's a bit of a bug bear of mine!!

I would speak to and register with as many temp agencies as possible. You may be able to pick up short term contracts that fit in around school holidays. Another option may be to offer your services as a proof reader for international students at your uni.

similar situation to friends. They have no support and her husband works long hours.

they go around it by her husband requesting flexible working so he does the drop off in the morning and his wife got a clerical job with the local hospital staff bank. Means emergency cover can be done albeit time off for her is unpaid, but means she can get into work till about 8-2 part time hours and if the6 use the school wrap around she can work 8-6.

however it’s not easy requires both to work together, a sympathetic employee for DH etc

Sorry, haven't RTFT but what about doing ironing from home?

You could advertise on Facebook?

No, you are not being unreasonable. What is unreasonable is this idea everyone must work when we all know there are not enough jobs to go around. We need a political party with the bold vision to introduce Universal Basic Income, and couple it with rent control. Sorry for anyone that is making you feel bad for not working, you are rasing a child, that is not nothing.

No, you are not being unreasonable. What is unreasonable is this idea everyone must work when we all know there are not enough jobs to go around.

Actually the complete opposite is true. We're facing skills shortages like never before.

In certain sectors and rolls. Not all of which are suitable

*roles

There is a difference between not being unreasonable but still having to deal with the current situation.

It’s shit as wrap around care is patchy and expensive, not enough flexibility, part time roles, not enough shared parental leave which encourages both partners to have time off, thus reducing the impact on wage gaps to those with kids and to those without rather than gendered gaps.

however the reality of the situation is grandstanding doesn’t pay bills.

yes fight the cause but you cannot claim to be destitute if you don’t engage with the system that’s already there. That’s just expecting it to fall in your lap.

I would love to live in an egalitarian, caring society and am actively involved in trying to make things better, however as much as I don’t want to i still have to go to work

In certain sectors and rolls. Not all of which are suitable
Yes, some sectors are facing more skills shortages than others and many of these will require specialist skills and qualifications however, there are lots of sectors such as retail, hospitality, care work, general admin etc which are also struggling to recruit and these don't often require specialist skills.

Stating there aren't enough jobs to go around is blatantly untrue. We are in a bizarre situation of being in recession while also facing huge skills shortages across multiple sectors. There are jobs but maybe not jobs that fit the OPs very specific requirements.

I have a number of author friends. Only one (who is world famous in their genre, netflix series type deals etc but has also been writing for 40 years) can afford to write full time on the money. Others either have high earning partners, or juggle a part time job with writing.

One friend has a "ghost writing" job as her main paying job. It's something worth looking at for you - she gets given an outline of the book by the 'celeb' (yes really!) and then writes it. Kids books so fairly easy for her. It's an £x per book, rather than having to wait for sales. Another friend does editing part time to pay the bills - that's definitely something you could consider. She did a distance learning course to learn the correct methods. Another (non author) friend is a scribe for a closed-captioning service. So basically watches programmes on her laptop while scribing them.

A friend of mine has just got a job in primark - term time only and 9.30-2.30. It wasn’t actually advertised as such, but they had ‘various shift patterns available’ in the job advert, so she applied and went to interview stating the hours she could do and they accepted.
In the past, I have done care work. I’ve contacted various care companies, told them the hours I can do and they’ve given me set shifts, plus overtime always available if I wanted it. So for example, you could do 6pm- midnight (or less) 4 nights a week plus every Sunday… or whatever you can.
Pre schools, especially those ran in church halls , or attached to schools as opposed to full day nurseries, often offer just mornings or just afternoon work- you could then find a couple of hours in the evenings cleaning job to top it up?
affordability for childcare… find a job you like the look of, find out some childminders prices for after school care.. then put both your salaries into a universal credit calculator and you should be able to see how much you would receive to help towards childcare. It’s not all on you to pay for it. It’s both of you.
So even if you can only term time, you should be able to do more than the hours the think, especially as there is a breakfast club. What time does that open?

Think you’re getting some really nasty replies op. You obviously do want to work if you’re on here asking. And how the hell is someone meant to work nights with a young child and function on 2-3 hrs sleep? Sure way for a nervous breakdown. Some people are deluded.

How do you manage currently with uni full time? (Sorry if ive missed this) do you go to uni 9.30-2?

Blatantly untrue that there aren't enough jobs to go round. There just might not be a job which fits the OP's very prescriptive list of wants.

I expect most people would like a job which fits in with their precise preferred hours, doesn't require them to pay for any childcare, which fits their precise skills and interests and which pays exactly what they want.

Fortunately most people aren't so entitled that they won't work unless they get this.

I know someone’s mentioned perhaps applying for DLA and carers allowance. That of course is an option, just be aware it’s very very difficult. DLA is about a 40 page form, and requires a LOT of evidence (does not require a diagnosis , though this helps) unless you get awarded the highest rate of DLA (unlikely) then even with carers allowance on top, it won’t bring you in anywhere near the income you’ve stated you want from employment. Carers allowance is only £69 a week regardless of what level DLA you’re awarded as well.

Check with UC though to see if you’re missing any benefits you can claim. If your DH is struggling now to cover expenses, he must be on a low income ? Or your rent is very high etc? (In which case you be may get help paying rent) if you have a mortgage, you won’t be able to get housing benefit unfortunately.

I don't understand, why would OP get DLA?

I don’t think you’re making excuses. You’ve questioned 2 suggestions and rightly so.

If you took a night job, how will you “just sleep during the day” for the 13 weeks of school holidays?

If you take a temporary job, there’s no stability and you’re back to square one looking for another job after however long the contract is.

I think when you’re dealing with anxiety, you see a good few steps ahead to things that could go wrong and will be very careful not to make moves that will make your already overwhelming life even more so.

"Fortunately most people aren't so entitled that they won't work unless they get this."

This is the sort of mentality that has seen the tories win election after election, and all the whiole we race to the bottom as wages shrink in real terms and people get ever more squeezed.

Life isn't supposed to be punishment.

There is a middle ground between 'life being a punishment' and 'I need a job in a field I want with the exact hours that suit me oh and with the exact pay I want.'

It's a tad intellectually challenged to assume everyone who can see that must be a Tory voter!