AIBU to think I'm unemployable? Or am I just difficult?

[anerki101]

I have one child in their first year of primary school. DS enjoys school but it's a struggle to get him there. I have posted previously about his various issues. We suspect he may have autism and the school have been observing him. They are going to set up a meeting with me after the Christmas holidays.

I have long suspected that I'm also neurodiverse and DS is almost exactly as I was at that age. I also take medication for generalised anxiety and health anxiety.

I have a DH who works 8am until 5:30pm five days a week and 1 in 3 Saturdays too.

I do the school runs. 840am drop off and 3pm pick up.

I have no family help for school runs or school holidays. The school has a breakfast club but no after school club.

So essentially my work options are 930 - 2pm roughly depending on distance from school, term time only.

I'm well aware plenty of parents work around primary aged DC but for the life of me, I cannot see a way to make it work.

The first job I considered was TA. But all the jobs I've looked at, even they finish at 3:30 but I have to pick DS up at 3. No afterschool Club and I cannot afford to pay for childcare.

I can't afford to okay for holidays clubs in the school holidays and with DS various needs, I really don't think it would be a good idea anyway.

So what am I supposed to do? We desperately need another income. I'm currently at uni and contribute my student maintenance loan to the household Pot but its not enough. My degree also isn't one that will lead directly to a career. I'd be a graduate so there would be more job options but not a direct career path. And those more job options are likely to be unworkable due to DS anyway.

Am I being deliberately difficult here or are there really no answers?

I will add I did have an evening job but DS really struggled with not seeing me all day whilst at school and then not seeing me at all in the evenings.

Sorry for the length.

TA at your DS school? Start as lunchtime supervisor and offer to help kids with reading on a voluntary basis for a few weeks then when they know and like you say you'd love to train as a TA and take it from there. Would probably help your son having you around at lunchtimes?

I think your husband is a major issue in this. You talk about you not earning enough for holiday clubs etc. But it is his salary too that would go towards that. It’s an important distinction. Has he actually asked for flexible working so he can do some drop-offs and collections? If more men don’t request this, things will never change. Why does it have to work just around your job?

This needs to be a you and him discussion. Not just you trying to find solutions alone.

I would do nights.
Then you can take DS to school, sleep until pick up. Either care work or in a supermarket!

OP you need a plan! I think that same of the difficult comes because you've viewing yourself as working but with all the same limitations are you current have in relation to childcare and money. I think you need to free yourself and view all the possibilities. You might find it easier to decide on your approach and then commit. I think that you have three possible approaches.

1. Find a full time job. Is your degree 3 years? If so then this play might be better placed for next year. It's really important to know what jobs you can do with your degree. Deciding that you can't or won't use the degree isn't useful. I think that you've gotton yourself stuck thinking that creative writing means that you'll need to find a job in a publishing house and therefore you'll never use the degree. This is your pathway to higher wages and a full time career so really understand your degree and the pathways. My friend also did creative writing and is now a bid writer which means that she writes grants and bids for organisations. There are quite a few jobs like this and a lot involve work from home. I'm not in the UK so apologies if this is nowhere near you but this kind of job could be perfect for you - https://uk.indeed.com/jobs?q=bid+writer&l=United+Kingdom&vjk=e6bf0d9c6e1a2cf0. It doesn't require prior experience asks for strong writing skills. This type of job pays 25K initially. Of course this would mean that your DS would need to go into childcare but if you could get this type of wage then you could have the money to do that. You and DH would then need to work out your combined annual leave and book it over the school holidays. You might need a holiday club for the remainder. This could work and be great for you!
2. Get a part time job. As other posters have said, you could work night shift duty and still keep the core elements of your current time with DS in tact. You would be earning more money and therefore could afford the breakfast club which your DH could drop DS to on his way to work. This means that you would effectively be available from when your DH comes home up until the school pick up the next evening. Of course you would need to sleep but this would give you a solid amount of hours to do a part time shift in.
3. Do odd jobs. You could find work during school hours and term time only. This would offer the least disruption for DS so could be the best option until you graduate. You could start your own cleaning business and advertise through Facebook. You could also sign up to a care website (you usually don't need qualifications for this) and offer work during the hours that suit you. You don't need a lot of skills or experience for this so it could work for you. A website like this for example - https://www.care.com/en-gb/profiles/elderly-care

Make a plan for how the next few years will be and involve your DH. If you start working then you'll more money for childcare but less time and he will need to step up into that gap. As a priority, PLEASE speak to your careers counsellor at Uni. Don't throw the degree away - understand how to use it! Good luck.

I think you need a sharp dose of reality. You seem to be in cloud cuckoo land. Your earlier post said you want a salary of £1500. That doesn't just happen. What with the hours you want to work. 1500 / £16 p/h cleaning is 93.75 hours per month. 23.5 per week. Are you going to be able to fit that in, plus travelling out of your area to MC areas as you live in a deprived area. And that's before expenses. Do you even have a car. Petrol and Cleaning products.

The creative writing sounds more fantasy than reality. It's so hard to get into. Very hard to make good money.

Have you spoken to your GP about your anxiety. Really really looked into it and read all the books and all the stuff online to try and make it better in any way at all?

Ps. What a joke you've done a degree in creative writing... who the hell has paid for that??! You may as well have set fire to the money for all the good it will do!
Nonsense degree 😳
If you're hard up and you have to feed your kid, you surely will do anything you can?
You'll always be financially better off working, even with childcare!
Have you tried homestart for support?! They may have someone who can help you with. Wraparound care.

1. You can't start work til AFTER DS is in bed because he has autism and needs you there at bedtime

1. You can't start work til after 9am ditto above re a.m. school run

1. You need to finish work by 2.30 pm because ditto above re p.m. school run

1. DH can't help more than he does because of his working hours

1. You can't work in the school holidays because you need to be there for DS because of his autism

So you need to do some sort of copywriting , proof reading job to enable you to work at home OR restart the cleaning and choose clients who don't mind you taking DS with you in the school holidays ...... whilst you look for a TA term time only position or a school office manager term time only position

These jobs won't pay £1500 a month but may pay more than your student bursary

To reach £1500 a month you need to shift your mindset about DS and start giving up the night time routine (and allow DH to do it all) or put DS into breakfast club and holiday club

DS’s partner did creative writing at a not great university, she then did a PGCE at a better one and now teaches English at a high school. She would still need some wraparound care if she had children, but She made a bad degree choice good and now has a career, income, pension and all the school holidays off.

I did contact centre work from home around school hours.
A major car hire company.
They we’re very accommodating to my dds needs and the pay was above minimum wage.

OP don’t let the posts about your degree get you down. I have a degree in film studies and it has opened a lot of doors for me.

Having that and a PG Cert in SpLDs meant I was able to apply for flexible roles at £35ph as soon as I had my LO. Some months I was taking home £3500 and working minimal hours as I was still paid if a student cancelled. The cancellations meant I had a lot of time for housework, cooking and getting on with my PhD. I found a lot of students cancelled weekend sessions so I could book someone in 9-11 wait for 15 minutes and by 9.30 be out the door on a day out that I’d just early £75 for.

*£70

shelf stacking late at night? My friend did this for her local Tesco at a similar stage, and it seemed to work for her.

Go easy everyone! I have two children with autism. Neither was or are able to tolerate any kind of before or after school club. They now attend specialist schools and there isn’t any. Most mainstream before and after schools I’ve found locally have loads of people wanting a space so don’t want children with additional needs when they’ve got enough people wanting a spot and their kids are neurotypical.

I work term time only but if the company goes bust, it’s likely I won’t work again. Have a look online for any remote admin work. The one thing I’ve found is that term time only feels very rare. I recently interviewed for another job (mine is difficult and stressful) but in the end knew I wouldn’t be able to work when the kids were off as they need constant supervision.

Your DH needs to understand a SAHP is a luxury he can’t afford. Right now if you two split you’d either get maintenance (and the autonomy to decide yourself if childcare & establishing your career was ‘worth’ spending it on) or 3.5 days wraparound childcare…

Also does your uni have a temporary staff bank? You should at least be able to pick up ad hoc hours through that to build admin or event management experience in term time

@SHNBV oh come on. What you are suggesting is pie in the sky for OP. She hasn't finished her degree. ASD possible dc. But you earnt £3500. 100 hours @ £35 p/h.
And that's achievable for OP. No.

My friend is autistic and works at a local supermarket 9.30- 7.30. She listens to podcasts all shift and has not one dealing with a customer as the store is shut from 10pm. You would have to ask your DH to drop your son to breakfast club but that would be it, you then get home, sleep and do school pick up.
My ASD daughter is also horrendous at school drop off (meltdown, has to be physically restrained) and she is much better at breakfast club where it's quieter and she gets 45 minutes to adapt to being in school before lessons start.

The OP is like me. I’m autistic and have ADHD, which was mis-diagnosed as GAD. My daughter is neurodivergent, although as she’s only three we don’t which specific labels yet. My husbands autistic. The OP is in year 2 of her degree, in two years time she could definitely could be in the same position I was.

I work for a care company that supports people with learning disabilities who live in their own home. We have jobs that would fit your hours.

I thought I was unemployable for years (disabled child) and ran my own business providing a very niche service to academics in a particular social science field for years (a field I used to work in). It was flexible but I earned very little. I would probably have earned more doing support work tbh & I would have had more time off.

Also check sleep in shifts for care companies. You don’t get paid an hourly rate for the whole shift but the money you do get paid can be reasonable at some companies (& crap at others). Being home at 7am may be difficult but you could probably find a way to make it work with minimal input from your husband.

Also check out after school childminders.

Hi OP,

I lot of posters won't get the impact of the possible autism here, particularly in relation to suitable wraparound childcare.

We have a child at specialist school and there were no clubs or local childminders available. Whilst he was still in mainstream we had childminders and clubs, and he could tolerate these - just.

I think you do need to perhaps start identifying potential childcare and perhaps start exploring that first ( join waiting lists etc) and try and get some work under your belt.

Either that or join a cleaning agency maybe got commercial cleaning if domestic not quite right?

Maybe care work - but you'll have to be upfront about availability

I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already suggested this... some companies offer term time contracts (mine does), so no issue with school holidays. Though you'd likely need to arrange before/after school care. You may be able to find a local nursery that does that though, usually covering upto age 11, they usually do school pick up/drop off too.

The OP has an excuse for every reasonable, practical suggestion.

If you're going to insist that someone drops a perfect job in your lap, 10am - 2:30pm, all school holidays off, paying at least £1500 per month when you haven't even finished your degree (which incidentally leads to no clear career path: it may be all very fun and enjoyable but that's the reality).... I mean come on!

Many families have challenging situations, multiple children, children with disabilities, and manage to work.

Just accept that to get decent work you'll probably need to pay for childcare. You don't even use the breakfast club provided- you seem to insist that you have to do the school drop off later so you can't work til about 10am!

You could use a childminder for wraparound school care and for holidays and work full time and you'd still be quids in, because once a child is in school you're getting around 30 hours a week where you're not actually paying any childcare!

This sort of attitude is so entitled quite frankly. I know it's not necessarily simple- I have 3 kids, one with significant needs- yet I've always worked because that's part and parcel of being an adult. If you're determined to make excuses, why bother posting. Save everyone's time and own the fact that you don't really want to work.

Don't look for utopia. Look for a foot in the door. Some work often breeds more work.

You develop your confidence and your skills and experience. You learn more about what works for you and doesn't. Sometimes you just need the first job, the job that gets you back into it. You may stay a long time or you
may move on quickly.

People in your situation often have a number of small part time jobs that add up to the income they need.

You have a target but some money,
Any money will ease things and then hopefully also make your DH relax and be more amenable into support you back into work.

@SHNBV
in 2 years time? Not helpful now.

@EmmaAgain22 either on the NALC website (www.nalc.gov.uk/news/entry/2315-job-vacancy-willand-parish-council) or on your counties local website I.e www.chalc.org.uk/vacancies.html. It’s usually - ‘county name’ Association of Local Councils.